If you're trying to live the American Dream of having it all, Silicon Valley is very expensive.
Exactly... But the other tech hubs offer choices. A lot of geeks disparage the other hubs as backwaters and diss the "bubba" factor. But... You can pick your poison. That's really all I'm saying. Greater San Jose offers two choices, the frugal but wise for the locale lifestyle you have chosen, or the tortured attempt at balancing a traditional 3bd/2ba w/kids + dog family lifestyle your brother is likely attempting in an economy built to blow bubbles and then pop. Where I call you out for your choice is that I ask if you have made an honest choice, or just been smart enough to not fight the local fight. Only you can answer that, and the answer is only correct for you. That said, you can make money off the bubbles, but you have to be "in the know", and take advantage when the time is right. Therein lies the problem...
But at the end of the day, we're still slaves to biology in that we are finite. If we fail to thrive and produce offspring, anything we gain is lost. You can be pro-feminist, pro-diversity, pro-whatever the topic of the day is, etc... but if you fail to do these two things, you will fail and collapse society in couple generations: 1. Achieve a > 2.2 child per breeding couple reproduction rate, and: 2. Instil in those offspring at least the same work ethic that led to your own success. I loved my Mills college girlfriend, but... Fail at those and the numbers collapse pretty quickly, the barbarians are at your doorstep and they will sell her in to slavery after feeding you to the delta smelt. It sucks, and its the biology trap we haven't figured out how to escape yet. I choose to have kids and am working to (hopefully) make them productive members of an advancing society, My attempts at doing that in the SF Bay Area indicated impending failure, so I gave up.
I come back for ageing family, and the periodic contract tech refresh. Then I get run out again. My son is starting to learn about Mindcraft mod'ing... I worry that Java will die before he finishes school...
Oh... and I drive old cars, and buy $20 jeans at Costco and wear cheap tee-shirts. The free tradeshow ones are even better...