A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde.

The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

'What does it look like?' she finally asked.

The police woman replied, It's square and it has your picture on it.'

The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the police woman.

'Here it is,' she said.

The blonde officer looked at the mirror.

Then she handed it back saying, 'Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop.'

You need this lesson

Betty, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the
church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business.
Several members did not approve of her extra curricular activities,
but feared her enough to maintain their silence.

She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member,
of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front
of the town's only bar one afternoon. She emphatically told George
(and several others) that everyone seeing it there would know what
he was doing.

George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just
turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny. He said
nothing.

Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of
Betty's house... walked home... and left it there all night.

You gotta love George.

A couple of months ago, I discovered a podcast called Manager Tools.

Allow me to paraphrase from their description of what it's all about. This is a down-to-earth approach to things you should be doing to make yourself a more effective manager. Each week they talk about new tools and easy techniques you can use to help achieve your management and career objectives. If you're tired of a lot of management theory and would rather learn specific actions you can take TODAY to improve your management performance, I think you'll enjoy the Manager Tools podcast.

This isn't some high-concept presentation where you agree with what's being said but then struggle to integrate it into your daily routine, like a lot of books on management seem to be.

It's like getting a weekly management training class. And one of very high quality at that.

I highly recommend you take a look at this cast.

Those of you who know me well, know that I travel extensively on business; 150k-250k mi/yr.

On my last trip, I missed getting the new carry on restrictions by something like three hours. With a lot more trips coming up, I started to plan on how to get all of my necessary toiletries on board with me so I could avoid the uncertainties associated with checked baggage.

Now, in the middle of a San Francisco - Hong Kong - Mumbai - Chennai trip, I'm happy to report on the results so far.

To summarize what I did:
  - Tooth powder instead of tooth paste
  - A shaving brush and soap instead of canned shaving cream
  - Stick deodorant

First the tooth powder. Man, this is some weird stuff. It's gritty and kind of salty-tasting - nothing like conventional toothpaste. To say it takes getting used to is an understatement. However, it leaves my teeth feeling very clean and the cinnamon aftertaste in my mouth is actually pleasant.

Now the shaving soap and brush are great stuff! I remember my playing with my dad's when I was a little boy and it's even more fun as a grownup. I guess I'm a sucker for small rituals - wetting the brush, working up a lather, applying it to my face (a sensual experience). It also does a better job of lubricating my skin for the razor. I may keep using this when I get back!

The stick deodorant. Yuck! Normally, I use an unscented gel, Almay. My local Walgreens didn't have an unscented stick, so I'm stuck with Speed Stick Cool Blast. I hate the smell.

Oh, one more thing. If anybody ever tries to book you on Air India, beg and plead for an alternative. The worst plane I have been on in my life, and that's saying something. The ceiling was still stained with nicotine from back when they had smoking flights. Uncomfortable seats with no seat power, in business no less! Food was decent but, hey, it's still airplane food.

Back to the Bay Area on Wed. Until Sunday when I leave for a press tour for a new product launch. :(

This isn't an entry for the squeamish, so if you are, stop reading now.

We've been trying to cut down on red meat consumption in our house, saving beefy goodness for the weekends and focusing on chicken, fish, etc... during the week. Thursday afternoon, my wife picked up some escolar from the fish market at the recommendation of the fishmonger. He cautioned that it was an oily fish, but very tasty. Since we both miss east coast fish like mackerel and bluefish, oily wasn't a turnoff.

When I got home from work, I fired up the charcoal grill and cooked the fish. We loved it. The kids loved it. Very tasty... not too strong, but definitely oily.

On Friday, we got hit with an unpleasant side effect. Remember Olestra, the non-digestible fat? The one that had "anal leakage" as a side effect? Well, we all received a nice, first-hand lesson, that has continued through today.

I pop over to Wikipedia and some other sources to read up on escolar. It turns out that the fish cannot metabolize the "waxy esters" in their diet (whatever the hell that means... do they eat candles?) and this results in a high oil content in their meat. Well, it turns out that humans can't metabolize that oil. At all. I'm on my 5th pair of briefs today and I'm being, how should I put it, overly cautious about passing gas.

So, if somebody urges you try try some nice, tasty escolar, run away! Either that or buy some Depends.

Why the hell do they even sell this? What's next? A fish that makes you vomit blood?

Two old women were talking and exchanging notes on their sexual activities. The first old woman told the second old woman that sometimes she gets her husband excited at night by getting totally naked, lying in bed and putting her two legs behind her head yoga style.

The second old woman thought that was a great idea, so that night, when her husband went in the bathroom to get ready for bed, she got totally naked and began the process of putting her two legs behind her head.

The first leg was kind of tough to put in place as she was a bit arthritic but she finally got it in place. She had an even tougher time with the second leg, so she rocked herself backwards until she finally got it behind her head.

However, she had rocked just a little too hard so that she flipped slightly backwards and got stuck that way with her butt sticking straight up in the air.

It was just then that her husband came out of the bathroom.

"Gladys!" he exclaimed. "For heavens sake, comb your hair and put your teeth in. You look like an asshole!"

[If you don't like this kind of humor, navigate away now.]

Mujibar was trying to get a job in India .

The Personnel Manager said, "Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except one. Unless you pass it you cannot qualify for this job."

Mujibar said, "I am ready"

The manager said, "Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink and Green."

Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, "Mister manager, I am ready"

The manager said, "Go ahead."

Mujibar said, "The telephone goes green, green, and I pink it up, and say, 'Yellow, this is Mujibar.'"

Mujibar now works as a technician at a call center for computer problems.

No doubt you have spoken to him, except he calls himself Sam on the phone.

Two guys on a Flyertalk forum (the Slashdot for frequent flyers). One from Beirut. The other from Yiron, Israel. Reporting live as events develop.

Read all about it

I just ran through my mp3 collection and picked whatever jumped out at me. janeowit will probably find this list quite boring, but I'm hoping there's at least one in there she hasn't heard of (Bob Wills or possibly Jimmy Reed :).

A - Alison - Elvis Costello
B - Brown Eyed Girl - Van Morrison
C - Come See About Me - Diana Ross & The Supremes
D - Drowned - Pete Townshend
E - Evil Gal Blues - Aretha Franklin
F - Fun Fun Fun - The Beach Boys
G - Going For the One - Yes
H - Homeward Bound - Simon & Garfunkel
I - I'm One - The Who
J - Jessica - The Allman Brothers Band
K - Kansas City - Jimmy Reed
L - Layla - Cream
M - Mississippi Queen - Mountain
N - Nick of Time - Bonnie Raitt
O - Once Bitten Twice Shy - Mott the Hoople
P - Por Una Cabeza - Carlos Gardel
Q - Queen of Las Vegas - The B-52s
R - Roly Poly - Bob Wills & His Texas Playboys
S - Sympathy for the Devil - The Rolling Stones
T - Tenth Avenue Freeze Out - Bruce Springsteen
U - Undun - The Guess Who
V - Victim of Love - The Eagles
W - Willin' - Little Feat
X - Xanadu - Rush (by default... only X I have)
Y - You Can Have My Husband - Stevie Ray Vaughan w/Lou Ann Barton
Z - Ziggy Stardust - David Bowie

When buying shoes & furniture, buy the highest quality you can afford. Advice from my mom that has served me well.

Reading is the best form of escape.

And of course, the lightning rod / seismometer thing

1. Think of the first word that comes to mind when you think of me.
2. Go to: http://images.google.com and search for that word.
3. Reply to this post with one of the pictures on the first page of results (but do not tell me the word).
4. Put this in your own journal so that I can do the same.

Donald Rumsfeld briefed the President this morning. He told Bush
that 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq. To everyone's amazement,
all of the color ran from Bush's face, then he collapsed onto his desk,
head in hands, visibly shaken, almost whimpering. Finally, he composed
himself and asked Rumsfeld, "Just exactly how many is a brazillion?"

A robed man with long hair and a beard walks into a hotel, lays 3 nails on the counter, looks at the clerk and says, "Can you put me up for the night?"

An office manager at Wal-Mart was given the task of hiring an individual
to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found
four people who were equally qualified. He decided to call the four
in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which
of them would get the job. The day came and as the four sat around the
conference room table the interviewer asked, "What is the fastest thing
you know of?"

Acknowledging the first man on his right, the man replied, "A THOUGHT." It
just pops into your head. There's no warning that it's on the way;
it's just there. A THOUGHT is the fastest thing I know of."

"That's very good!" replied the interviewer. "And now you sir?" he asked
the second man.

"Hmm.! ... let me see. A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know
that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of."

"Excellent!" said the interviewer. "The blink of an eye, that's a very
popular cliché for speed." He then turned to the third man who was
contemplating his reply.

"Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall
there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the
pasture the light in the barn comes on in less than an instant. Yep,
TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of."

The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he
had found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed of light," he said.

Turning to Bubba, the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the
same question.

Old Bubba replied, "After hear! ing the three previous answers, It's
obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA."

"WHAT?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response.

"Oh I can explain." said Old Bubba. "You see the other day I wasn't
feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom, but, before I could THINK,
BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already pooped in my pants."

Old Bubba is now the new greeter at a Wal-Mart near you!!!!