Oh it parses it just fine. It was just a dumb idea to parse it in the first place.
Re-read the latest CVEs. There are bugs in the parsers that can be exploited, so even if you're never invoking the functions they're already run through the parser and the parser is breaking things for you.
My whole family got really fed up very quickly after walking into a dark room, hitting the switch and having to stand there for 5 seconds until the light actually came on
I find this really hard to believe. I've been using CFLs exclusively for over 10 years - mostly buying cheap ones - and I've never seen one that takes more than about half a second to come on. The time taken to get to full brightness I can almost agree with (this was actually why I started using them originally - having a bedside light that took a couple of minutes to get to full brightness was nice) but in recent ones (i.e. ones from the last 4-5 years) the warm-up period has been 5-10 seconds, although growing to about 20 seconds after 3-4 years of use.
Let's do it again. The last set of CFLs I bought cost 50p each (the ones before that were 30p, but that was a special offer). According to my electricity bill, I pay a tiny fraction of a penny under 15p/kWh. That means that the bulb costs slightly more than 3kWh of electricity. It's a 15W bulb replacing a 60W one, so that's a 45W saving. Assuming that the incandescent is free, then it takes 75 hours of operation for it to save money. At 3 hours a day, that's 25 days. When I first did the arithmetic, the CFLs were 3-4 times more expensive, so it worked out at 3 months.
This is why I find the resistance to CFLs so hard to understand. It's saved me quite a bit of money over the last decade.
If you save more on energy, but spend a lot more on replacement bulbs, what is the break even point before it was a good investment?
When I did the arithmetic quite a few years ago, the break even point for CFLs was about 3 months. The bulbs I bought back then all lasted 6+ years. The cost of a CFL is around the cost of 3-10kWh, depending on the brand, so even if they incandescents were free you don't need the CFLs to last very long to break even.
"I am, therefore I am." -- Akira