If this festering pool of April Fail wasn't already sufficiently dead and putrescent enough, Poe's Law would have killed it.

Between clueless "editors" and clueless politicos, this is why we can't have nice (funny) things.

I always thought the meal was happy because it was finally getting out of that God-forsaken place. Even being hauled away to be dismantled by a shrieking 4-year old and being consumed piece-by-piece is better than remaining within the confines of a McDonalds establishment.

I'm joking. I think.

Of course not.

They'll sue their ex-employee's new employer, assuming it's strategically worth it to bully them into something. (Coerce them out of a market, or into a partnership, etc.)

It's an arrow in a quiver. It's not fired unless there's a good target.

Well, the obvious difference is you can't use "correct horse battery staple", because the NSA knows about that one. Their CIA colleagues probably managed to extract it using the $5 wrench decryption algorithm.

Even creepier. The ketchup slithers out of the bottle top like a red high-temperature Helium II... and all over everything. And it keeps going... seeking something only Cthulhu knows.

OTOH, who can resist the opportunity to revive the phrase "anal leakage"?

You're talking about penises a lot.

Are you sure you're not a Republican Catholic priest?

"Facebook, acting on the concerns of random trolls, thinks you're crazy and should be locked up for your own good. Kthxbye."

I hope this article is being tagged "whatcouldpossiblygowrong".

I won't believe it until Netcraft confirms this.

You didn't read TFS.

There are no points for any of that. There are only points for raising money for their "non-profit foundation". (Yes, those are scare quotes.)

It's like the hellish offspring of a multilevel marketing scheme and a particularly unscrupulous Kickstarter campaign.

I think I'll form a corporation to tender a proposal to the authorities to provide my world-famous crime-prevention rocks.

It's pretty obvious how effective they are. Neither I nor anyone else who has one of these has ever been victimized by crime. Hell, as far as I know, we've never even seen a criminal. Clearly, ne'er-do-wells and nefarious malcontents are strongly repelled by the magnetic forces projected by these stones. (I think it's magnetic, anyway. Who knows how that works? You just can't explain that.)

Anyway, I figure a modest delivery and support contract is an extremely cost-effective alternative to the clearly supersticious voodoo of these magic "helicopter" crime preventers. (Who the hell believes in that kind of woo, anyway? "Flying machines?" Feh.)

I've had good luck pairing my Magnetbox Bluetoof speakers to my Sandsung Galaxian phone. I think this will be just fine.

Alas, this is Slashdot. Not only does the readership not read TFA, they generally don't read TFS, so if the title lacks succinct and complete literal accuracy, it runs the risk of telling a story completely counter to the real story.

The only ones who do read TFS are generally looking to karma-whore pedantic moderation points by manufacturing 3d-printed recreational outrage, so I guess it works out for someone.

At the end of the day, it's the soi-disant editors' fault. As usual.

(Yes, I note that the original submission had the same regrettable discrepancy between summary and title. Too bad the editors didn't do any actual editing when they had the opportunity.)