the mayors of several crime-plagued cities release a joint announcement that reporting apparent crimes in progress to police would result in the arrest and summary punishment of the person making the police report.

"If you losers would stop reporting crimes, we wouldn't have so much crime," one prominent mayor stated to this reporter. "We're going to push down crime rates the only way that works: make it impossible to report a crime."

When asked for a comment, the aforementioned mayor's Chief of Police muttered "Whaddyawant, I'm busy here" through a mouthful of donut while pocketing a thickly-stuffed brown paper envelope proffered by an unidentifed man flanked by several apparent bodyguards.

What you call "honesty", sharp players call "foolishly giving away tactical surprise."

Cuz, you know, some of the suckas making them rich might object if someone explained to them that they were being suckas.

Never forget that "dumb" fits nicely between "fat" and "happy".

This breakthrough finding also explains why photography adds 10 pounds to its subjects. Flash photography, probably even more.

Surely (well, hopefully) there is more to the legal system than "I know you are but what am I?". Someone please tell me there's more to it than that.

Well, sure, Citizen, rest assured that it's much more substantial than that.

In fact, the legal system is "I know you are, and I can afford better laywers."

One of the first "pay to win" games.

1. Agreed.

2. You'd still get sued for confusing similarity and passing off, since tau only has one leg less than pi. It's INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY, you just CAN'T TAKE ANY CHANCES!

You're right. There's just no telling what kinds of incalculable damage is being done to the reputation of Slashdot and the psyche of its membership by being denied another Bitcoin story, a Dice slashvertisement, or another Bennet Haselton blog post masquerading as a slashstory. Because, you know, bringing one inappropriate story to the front page is clearly denying the really important stuff the critical editorial attention every story deserves.

"Whoosh": the sound a basketball makes going over your head.

Basketball, as a sport, already has some familiarity with this problem.

Good point. The Sirius Cybernetics Clonomatic Person Dispenser would probably decant something almost, but not quite, entirely unlike Natalie Portman. And don't ask about the grits, hot or otherwise.

Oh, and the Saxons are German.

FTFY.

Also, the Angles are Germans. (Nearly Danes, I suppose, but Germans nonetheless.)

Not for anything that is repeated over time. I've seen countless spreadsheet "managed" items and the errors that creep in over the months and years is pretty hilarious | scary | useful (for cons) etc

Sounds like the classic definition of "legacy software".

You know, custom software written so bright and new and error-free a dozen years ago but now is so bug-ridden and completely incomprehensible that no one can maintain it? You've heard of it, right?

I've lived it. Trust me, there's nothing inherently worse about a spreadsheet compared to a 150,000 card COBOL deck.

In fact, TFA's hysterics completely miss the point. The tool isn't the problem: it's the skill and care of the person using the tool. A few thousands lines of FORTRAN written by a PhD meteorologist or a nuclear physicist prove that pretty clearly. (I've had to maintain those, too.)

A well-written, well-reviewed spreadsheet is better than a sloppily-written program written in (what's the flavor of the week, Python?) Python.

Scientists have released a very scientific study saying that scientists should conduct our first contact with aliens.

And also run the world.

Second thought was, how is this something to "unveil"? it's just a typical solar panel install... *on*a*carport*!

Careful, that's going to be the next wave of stupid patents, right after "on a computer" and "on a mobile device."

Good Lord. You make it sound like the story icon for Linux here should be Borg Bill Gates. Or maybe Borg Leonnart Poettering.

"Resistance is futile."