A little over a week ago I went and got my haircut at a salon downtown. Plain, simple, easy. Today, I was at the bar and this INSANELY hot woman comes up to me and says "It looks better short."

"What?" I replied.

"Your hair. It looks better short!"

As it turned out, she was working at the same salon where I got my haircut. She remembered me.

I rule.

Take a look at this comment which was posted in response to @Home Network Approaching Shutdown. The comment, which is one line in length, was moderated to +5 Insightful. What the fuck?

Guys.. this is the worst example of moderation I have ever seen on Slashdot. This isn't +5 Insightful at ALL. If anything, it is -1 Redundant -- if his cable service is shut off, then of COURSE he can't read Slashdot.

I'm really beginning to have issues with the moderation done on Slashdot in general -- Anti-Microsoft posts are automatically moderated up, Pro- (or Supporting-) Microsoft posts are automatically moderated down, reguardless of content. It is as though the moderators don't even read a post before assigning moderation. ("What? This post starts 'True... but Microsoft DID do this right..'? MOD IT DOWN!@$!!")

The irony: Slashdot is pro-free speech, and yet if you try to support Microsoft (or any other company which doesn't open-source their software), you are immediately silenced.

Hipocrites.

Right now, I am listening to:

Clint Mansell - Requiem For A Dream - 20 - Fall - Marion Barfs.mp3

This song is the audio version of how I'm feeling right now.

More later.

Hope is just a lucid dream you always find yourself waking from. Whenever you need hope, its never there, and it molests you when you just don't want it around.

Just some food for thought.

As I write this, I am converting all of my mp3s over to the new mp3 format "mp3PRO".

Antiloop - Believe.mp3 - 6.00MB
Antiloop - Believe.mp3pro - 3.01MB

These two files sound EXACTLY THE SAME, but the mp3 pro file is half the size. Sweet.

Well, not really. However, this feeling of meloncoly that has overcome me is not going away. I am going to have to find another job -- I like to write, so maybe I will contact the local newspaper.

I donno.. maybe I just need some companionship or something. People. Relationships. Bah.

One person who I liked shot me down. Another person who I like doesn't live in Winnipeg. I think I'm cursed.

Today I picked up a few more DVDs. However, I am going to be spending VERY little money -- I'm not going to purchase any more movies for two weeks. (I was downsized from one of my jobs this week -- there goes $600 a month. Shit.)

• GoodFellas
• Rush Hour
• Tank Girl
• The Tao of Steve

I'm watching The Tao of Steve right now -- this film is FANTASTIC. Even though I'm horribly depressed due to getting shot down by a girl AND losing one of my jobs in one 48-hour period, watching this movie is actually making me slightly LESS depressed. Weird.

As always, you can browse my DVD collection online here, courtesy of DVD Profiler, which is MAD cool.

I figured out what was bothering me so much -- I'm lonely. Not unhappy -- I love my family and friends very much. However, I see the way that Christine is with Andrew, and I miss that kind of relationship.

I mean, really -- I'm not a bad-looking guy.. I have a steady job, I'm intelligent, smart, I don't smoke or drink, and I'm funny.

So why am I alone? Because women seem to see me only as a friend. One of the gang. Somebody to gossip with.

Ouch.

I try to meet women, and for the most part I do -- but I get sucked back into that friendship pattern every fucking time. But what can I do about it? I have no idea.

Kill me now.

mp3(REM - Everybody Hurts)!(128kbps/5m20s)

... you need to be a registered, logged-in Slashdot user! If you feel compelled to give me advice, which I need in spades, create an account and speak your mind, you anonymous coward.

You know what? I'm not nearly as depressed as I would have thought. I mean, sure, I got totally shot down... but at least I know, right? No guts, no glory, as it were.

mp3(Fight Club - 15 - Finding The Bomb)!(192kbps/6m45s)

Well, I did it. Check out the ICQ log, included below. This message was typed while listening to "Wish" by Nine Inch Nails.

CitizenC: Can I ask you something?

Person X: Of course

CitizenC: How can you tell when a girl likes you?

Person X: I dunno, depends on the girl...why?

CitizenC: Well.. I know somebody who I -THINK- has a thing for me, but she is too shy to say thing. I'm not sure how to handle the situation.

Person X Do something about it...be aggressive...may I ask who?

CitizenC: Be agressive about it..?

I want to handle the situation as delicately as possible.

Person X: Make something happen...otherwise you could lose your chance....

Are you gonna tell me who it is?

CitizenC: Maybe later. =)

I'm awful at making stuff happen, though. What would you suggest?

Person X: Tell me or I'm not helping you.

CitizenC: On the other hand, this person is a VERY flirty person, so I may be getting a false positive from that.

She's been acting shy and quiet around me more lately.. I've been told that this is because she doesn't want to do anything out of the ordinary, or
something to that effect.

Person X: That's very possible, I tend to do that to ppl accidentally....

I dunno....does she flirt with you differently? Or like she does with everyone else?

CitizenC: She's been more touchy lately, that's for sure.

Person X: That could mean something, I have no idea...

Do I know her?

CitizenC: *Pulls hair* What am I supposed to do? Should I just ask her directly? Do some crazy detective work? Ask her friends?

I don't know.. you've probably met her once or twice in passing.

Person X: Just ask her....friends usually have a pretty good idea too...

CitizenC: But I don't want it to hurt our friendship.

Person X: Asking her so that you're clear on what's going on won't hurt anything...

CitizenC: So, your advice is to just ask her straight out?

Person X: Uh huh, but if something bad happens don't blame the advice-giver :)

CitizenC: Interesting you should put it that way..

Person X: How come?

CitizenC: Do you still have feelings for me?

I've been getting this vibe from you for a while. I'm just curious.

Person X: No, I don't.....friends Cary, 'tis all...

You know I'm a flirt...I'm sorry though, that I give you the wrong impression :(

[Insert sound of heart snapping in two here.]

CitizenC: Cheers. Just clarifying. =)

Person X: Alrighty, clarifying is good :) See, wasn't hard, was it?

CitizenC: Actually, you have absolutely no clue how difficult it was..

Person X: Yes I do, I've been in similar situations.....we have to deal with this crap, we're teenagers..

CitizenC: Heh. Nothing like this. =) I don't know.. I couldn't help but feel anger towards Cory for treating you the way that he did.

Person X: How do you know? :) Aww..don't be angry, he's learned his lesson...maybe, I hope...

CitizenC: I don't know... honestly, lately, I've found myself missing dating you. You really are an amazing person.

Person X Really? You're not missing anything...I'm messed up...

Thank you, it's nice to feel appreciated :)

CitizenC: You're not messed up! However, I don't think that Cory saw the real you. He didn't appreciate you at ALL. What a dofus. =)

Person X: Yeah, he was stupid and he knows it....he heard it a lot at work..lol

CitizenC: LOL! I can only imagine.

I've been giving it a lot of thought and I think that a relationship between the two of us would work. It didn't a year ago (we both had stuff going on
then) but we are now a little older, a little wiser.

Person X: I really don't think so Cary...I just don't feel like that anymore...
I seriously think you need to move on....go meet new people, find a girl who really likes you..

CitizenC: Yeah, you're right. Ignore my rantings. =)

Well, THAT sure did suck.

Ok, I'm going to tell .. HER .. how I feel. When, I don't know -- sooner rather then later, I hope. (I know I'm driving everybody insane with this.)

"No guts, no glory."

"If you want big rewards, you have to take big risks."

Those addages of time have been haunting me all year long.

However, in the end, it is better to regret acting then regret NOT acting. I don't want to spend my life asking "what if?" all the time.

Wish me luck, because this is going to suck... hardcore.

Update@2.02 AM: Why don't any of you people ever comment on these entries? Come on! Advice! I'm begging you!

Ok, we just spent close to 5 hours together, from hanging out at my place, to going over to a friend's place, and the entire time I couldn't help but want to just hold her.

I hate keeping things from her; in this case, I feel as though I am being quite dishonest. However, I have absolutely no idea how to tell her how I feel. (I long too, don't get me wrong.)

I mean, if I knew that she felt the same way, which I think she does, then it would be tons easier. Alas, I lack that intelligence.

Shit.

Ready?

This is a haiku.
I'm not trying very hard.
One, two, three, four, five.

*Bows*

I went to Future Shop and picked up three new DVDs today: Apocolypse Now, Empire Records, and What Lies Beneath. Very sweet stuff, if you ask me.

As always, you can view my entire DVD collection online here, courtesy of DVD Profiler.