I'm sorry, but your comment is just ridiculous bigotry. I was born outside the US, and since my mother was a US citizen, I have US citizenship by birth. I did not become proficient in English until I moved to the US around the age of 13. So yeah, the test is required for naturalization, but that's not the only way to citizenship. And yes, those born here in the US have no requirement to learn English. Then there's those who can only speak one language (English), but can't really read or write. But that's beyond help.

I'm sure there's already a fetish for shoe soles. They could just go online and torrent somebody's archive of photos.... upps...

... java is slow and a memory hog. (for the sarcasm impaired, yes, I'm joking).

First you define what you want:
Do you want technical certs? Then look for people with those.
Do you want people with academic background (data normalization, OOP, etc)? Then look for people with CS degree.
Do you want people with experience? Then look for people with relevant experience, and or do a practical test as suggested (which everyone can get their smart friend to do for them I'm sure)

Weight each one of the factors according to what he or she is supposed to be doing.
Systems analyst? Architecture design? Jr. code monkey? Overall hacker (jack of all trades, master of none)?

Then rank them in each factor. Most of those factores are qualitative more than quantitative by the way.

But sometimes, the best programmers are not the ones with the best qualifications, but the ones with the best fit into your business. 8 years php experience vs 4 years php experience IN YOUR INDUSTRY: I'll pick the 4 year experience guy.