The grid has to be designed and managed to deal with a lot of different loads (residential use, A/C, factories) and sources (power plants, solar and wind). Everyone should pay for the grid proportionally to the size of their connection (100 or 200 amp residential service, larger office buildings and factories, etc.). The utilities have to build and manage the grid according to the size of all the individual connections.
Then everyone should pay of the electricity they use (preferably by time of use since the cost of electricity to utilities varies during the day) and the utilities should pay all providers of electricity (fossil fuel, hydro, solar, wind, etc.) for the energy they provide (again, according to time of production since electricity at peak demand times is much more expensive than at slack demand times). The market would then sort out how much was used and produced.
Solar production tends to follow peak demands so it a good resource for utilities. However, it is not an exact match so it could even be profitable for a home solar producer to install a battery to store electricity in the morning when the utility wasn't paying a high rate for it and release the power to the grid in the afternoon when demand (and price) was high.
All of this is possible with Internet connected meters and power equipment. Utilities need to stop whinging and get to work managing the grid. The grid is changing and they need to adapt to do their job.