...got modded up to five, but now it's back down to three. And all I did was rant. I really didn't expect to have any responses, or even moderation points from it, I just felt like ranting. Its strange that people even bother reading such flamebait. I usually ignore it, even as moderator.

I have this constantly nagging feeling in me and it won't go away. No, it goes away when I'm with a girl. I feel better when I'm with women. I'm not sure why.

If that doesn't happen, then I always feel it. Yeah, maybe I need a girlfriend, but why can't I just ignore this feeling. It doesn't matter what I do to distract myself, it's always there. This constant feeling of loneliness, emptiness. Not even writing about it helps right now.

Why is it that the things that you hate are the things you are really good at? That doesn't make any sense to me. I hate politics, partly because it's too easy for me, as is philosophy.

However, the things I like are the things I'm not that great at, for example, soccer. I love soccer, but I've never been that good at it. I made my high school's varsity soccer team my senior, but I didn't my junior year. Once I was on the team, I admittedly didn't contribute much to it.

Do I just dredge through my one time at life? Que sera, sera? With that out look, how can people look at life and say it's so beautiful?

Perhaps life isn't about doing what you're best at? Perhaps I'm placing too much emphasis on how good I am at something? I have a hard time doing something if I know I'm not doing that well in it though.

What's the point though? I've done this type of reflection a million times over. Why haven't I found the answer to these questions yet?

My ideas for a new form of democracy relies on a few premises:

• The masses cannot be trusted to protect the minority, and so thus cannot be trusted to be without government.
• The government cannot be trusted to govern fairly and justly (part of governing justly requires swift action.)
• Firms in oligopolies and monopolies cannot be trusted to not abuse their economic power.

So how does one resolve this issue? I'll have to answer that in another journal.

I realized today what it is I missed from what college students were ten years ago.

I want to be a part of that, but I'm too young, I missed it, the days of when college students were the vanguards of society, the ones who brought about political and social change. Not the hippie days of yore, but rather the collegiate enlightenment of when we we were all shocked by Tiananmen Square, were going to keep the US from collapsing in on itself due to its mass capitalism, and generally make the world a peaceful place.

Today, college students are stung by the disease of apathy and carelessness. "Each to his/her own agenda," or so goes the saying. What happened to the excitement of creating a new economy in which no one is poor? What happened to saving the Long Beak Echidna? What happened to all of that? Are things so bad that we no longer feel we can do anything about it?

Perhaps we need to start a movement to go against this trend of apathy. We will save the world by bringing back the excitement of yore, but making sure we are the vanguards of current topics. I want to feel rebellious again without the violence. I want the excitement of bringing about legislation that would change the world.

I do not want to just drink it all off, sex myself up, and ignore it all any more, because then history will forget us. I do not want my generation to be forgotten. I want to tell my kids that I was a part of something world transforming.

I was sitting in my Intro. to Gov. class today, and I was trying to figure out the issue of Capitalism's problem of exploiting its working class without having to resort to extreme socialism.

I came up with a system in which a person is allowed to make as much money as he/she wants, but the more money he/she wants, the more accountable he/she for his/her actions.

Hmm, on second thought, I don't want to write about it right now. I'll do so later, I'm too lazy right now.

Ok, so I've learnt my lesson, don't go to college house parties. Wait, didn't I learn this lesson before? I thought I already knew that stupid people go to these functions for the entire purpose of getting even stupider. Asininity ran through my blood for a little bit, but then I decided that I didn't like that.

Now, here's the thing, I turn 21 in a few days, but nonetheless, I think I'll have something to drink. In spite of the fact that I hate to look asinine, I think I'll make an exception for my 21st birthday. I figure I've done it before, why not again?

Ok, so perhaps I'm underestimating the rewards of occasional asininity, but I'm not so sure. I saw some pretty f*cked up stuff tonight.

Here was the thing, the house party I went to was actually one of the better ones, IMHO. My former roommate was there, and he had some really good music. He was also able to keep it, to some degree, civilized, in spite of being somewhat tipsy himself. I'll admit that I had enough to drink to at least lose some of my motor complex, but not much more. Luckily, I just walked there, else had I driven, I'm not sure how I would have gotten back.

I think some of the alcohol is still having some effect.

I am still trying to put all my thoughts together for this book. Coming up with a framework for a story is pretty easy. The details just do not like to pop their heads in. One of my friends works the other way around and I envy him. He can come up with some of the most incredible stories, and even after the bits and pieces are put together, it still makes sense. He is just a great story teller.

Anyway, something that I heard on NPR's Fresh Air got me excited at first, and then disappointed. They had a physicist on, and he was talking about time travel. He believes that it is possible, but it would be very limited. The furthest back in time one could go would be to the point in which the time machine was created. However, I will not let that affect my story.

I will, unlike what I said before, need to explore the consequences of a time traveler telling people of the past where he/she is from. On the other hand, many other stories dealing with time travel already dealt with this topic. I will probably just make it a premise.

I think I am going include some small stories I have come up with before regarding aliens, and also a dream I had of being abducted (I think it was a dream, it was too weird of an abduction.)

I think I will just get the dream written out now so I do not forget to do so.

In my dream, I can remember waking up, and realizing I was essentially paralized. I was not on an alien bed or anything, but rather I was carried by these rather small purple aliens (they were all a little larger than my hand.) We were on the side of a highway (I do not know what highway) and this car started heading our way. It looked like a cop car. The aliens seemed frightened by this for some reason, and so ran (still carrying me) behind this brown van until the car passed. Then they opened up the back of the van and threw me in (ok, so throw is not really the right term for it, but it is the best one I can muster right now.) There was another guy in the van alongside me. The entire time I was not frightened at all, in fact I was a little amused by it all, but this guy was just absolutely frightened. I could not understand it. He was shaking all over, sweating up a storm, and this complete look of terror on his face. I tried to calm hi, but to no avail. Alas, I do not remember the rest of the dream, but I will probably just make up the ending to it.

A while ago, I had some ideas about aliens, time travel, humans, and to put it all into a story. I wrote up a journal entry for the first part, but I have no idea what happened to the entry.

Anyway, here is the idea. I have to wonder that if there is intelligent life beyond just us, how possible is it that they would have been around for longer than us? With that in mind, how could they have technology so much farther advanced than us? Perhaps that is just the hubris of humanity.

Perhaps it is possible that the so called aliens and ufos that "visit" earth are not really aliens after all.

Let me pose a question before I get to that, does time travel really exist? One of the problems with saying that it does is that no one from the future has come back in time and told us, "Yes, it's true! Time travel really does exist." You would think that if it did, that we would send ourselves back in time and tell ourselves that we will eventually figure it out.

However, perhaps telling us causes their own demise in some manner. Since we do not yet know for sure that time travel is or is not possible, it is fathomable, considering that it might exist, that there are dire consequences for time travelers that reveal that they are from the future. Does that necessarily imply that time travelers cannot affect the past without dire consequences? But I digress.

Assuming that time travel does exist, it is conceivable that we do not discover it until quite some time into the future, by which time we are no longer recognizable by myself or my contemporaries.

So what happens? Why would we travel back in time and abduct ourselves?

I seem to have lost a journal entry. It was the start of a book I plan on writing.

There comes those times in which you realize that you have lost all direction and you have no idea why. I am in one of those times write now. I am doing things I normally do not do. What is it that has thusly affected me so? So many things have happened in the past month or so that it might be just all of it. I feel emotionally drained, that is for sure.

NOTE: I am not, nor do I claim to be, a seer, a prophet, a psychic or anything of the sort. This was just a nightmare. As dreams and nightmares go, they sometimes seem very non-sequitr and do not make complete sense, and this one is no exception. I tell you as I remember it, which may not be completely accurate.

Last night I had my worst nightmare ever. I was twenty-two years of age (i.e. two years from now and it quickly dawned on me that we, the US of A, were about to enter a major war. Why? I had just been drafted. I had never been more scared in my life. When I say the letter, my heart was racing faster than it had ever done before.

The letter started out something like, "You were chosen to serve our great nation because you are of the age between 21 - 25..."

I know the draft age is from 18 - 25, but I did see that last part. I am as confused as you are about that.

Somewhere along the way, I stopped at a very ornately decorated and big train station (I think) and for some reason I was with just with all my African-American female friends (I am a Filipino American male, FYI), and I am not sure if that has any significance. We were all messing with the person counter thingies there. A little time later, some guy asked us to stop.

We walked a little further and met up with my male friends. I am not sure what happened to the ladies at this point. As we were walking along, we eventually had to go around this barricade. To get around it though, we had to go down some stairs and back up them. There were some gaps I thought I could go through, but then figured they were too small (I am a pretty small person as it is.) Once we got to the bottom of the stairs, I slid over the barricade/railing. No one else bothered to do the same. Some guys, all in their 40's, 50's, and 60's, of a party behind us tried to do the same as I, but failed and they discussed that.

When we got back to the top of the stairs, a group of guys that were rather far behind us, all of them with multicolored, dyed hair (I especially remember the guy with neon green hair) all did what I did not bother to attempt, and went through the gaps at the top of the barricade. They started bragging to us about how much time they saved.

I then remember being in a bookstore with all my female friends (same group as before.) We were all walking around, and I kept on seeing this girl of about my age that looked like she had an angel costume on with short, stubby wings. She also had this white, sparkly stuff on her face. She kept walking around the store very fast with a very worried look on her face. It seemed as if I was the only one that saw her. I swear I knew her name, but I do not think I ever met her. Was it Angela? Amanda? I do not remember exactly anymore. I know it started with an 'A' though.

Eventually, I caught up with her. We embraced each other and cried. I touched her face and some of the white sparkly stuff fell off and some rubbed off onto my hands. She was a very beautiful girl. I told her about how scared I was, that I did not want to go and that some people are saying that it will be like Vietnam.

She said it will be worse, much worse. It will be a very bloody war that will last for twenty years and after that, people will not necessarily forget, but they will be very complacent about the entire thing. She told me that she does not want me to go either.

She then had to leave. As she left, I could see the tears in her eyes.

I was then in a van with my female friends (same as before.) I told them too about how scared I was. They told me their worries for me with nothing more than the worried looks in their eyes.

We got to the place that I was supposed to be at for boot camp. I said my goodbyes to the girls and they left. It was then that I realized that I did not bring anything. I could not even remember packing. I had only gotten the letter the night before.

I walked past some tennis courts to some building I was supposed to be in. I saw some of my friends there, including Tony C. They were all joking around (Tony included, which I did not expect.) I had to wonder why they could all take this so nonchalantly. It was then that I thought about claiming conscientious objections[?]. I asked around, but no one seemed to know anything about it.

I then remember being in a room and people were saying how we were going to get our enemies into that room and make them eat the food. The food had huge amounts of radiation in them. They started smashing city models of enemies cities. It all seemed pointless.

After that, I do not remember the rest that well. The rest was really all that important.

HAHAHA! First journal entry. These things are pretty cool! I think I'll write my diary in this... maybe, we'll see.