I feel it is my duty to point out an interesting parallel I've found between two second-class societal entities: Women and open-source software. At first glance, one might think of the two as being not at all likely to be associated with each other, but a more thorough understanding demands a closer look.

Women have, throughout almost the entire length of history, been treated as second-class citizens. This is only fitting, as their physical and mental capabilties are both substantially below those of their male counterparts. Women are like open-source software hippies: They accomplish nothing and then complain about the second-class treatment they receive. Their achievements are limited, unremarkable, and in almost every instance, able to be completely surpassed by those of their male counterparts.

Take sports, for example: Why are there no women in the American NFL, NBA, NHL, or MLB? Feminists will shout loudly that it's because they're not allowed, but this is not true; the real reason is that there are no women skilled enough to compete against the highly competitive and infinitely more capable men. Even the strongest, bulkiest woman will crumple under the weight of a 350-pound linebacker colossus.

This brings me to another important observation: Women produce much less testosterone than men, and so, without artificial supplements, are doomed to weakness and incapability. They have barely any muscle to speak of; most women over 175 pounds are simply fat, whereas men are perfectly capable of achieving in excess of 250 pounds of pure, woman-crushing muscle.

Take scientific progress: Who invented the television? The automobile? The airplane? The light bulb? The steam engine? The automatic penis enlarger? Atomic energy? The Periodic Table of the Elements? Penicillin? Men, all men. What have women accomplished? Nothing. Nada.

Take intelligence. The great geniuses in history: Einstein. Picasso. Heisenberg. DaVinci. Hitler. Shakespeare. Fermat. Himmler. All men. Can you name even ONE female genius? Of course you can't, because none exist; there is no such thing as a female who doesn't live by riding the coattails of her smarter and more capable male counterpart.

Take the penis: Who has the penis? The man does, not the woman. The woman has a mere hole where the penis should be. No wonder women feel so subordinate and inferior: All the whining and excuses of the Feminist Left is merely a result of an extended case of penis envy.

But enough about women. How could all the evidence I've demonstrated possibly tie into the open-source software movement? A valid question!

The OSS proponent's incessant superiority complex, even when deep-down, he knows he is in last place, smacks of similarity with the woman's complaints of being in second place even when she knows she is nothing but an inferior, penis-lacking clone of her male counterpart.

Ever wonder why geeks hate Microsoft so much? It's because they're jealous; they know they can never even dream of accomplishing what Microsoft has. Microsoft is the OSS movement's Emmanuel Goldstein - the scapegoat for all that is wrong with OSS.

Ever wonder why women hate men so much? Now you understand.

I'm quite aware that the glimpse I've presented at how open-source software's never-ending and always-failing attempt to gain respect in the world is so similar to women's similar attempts to make up for their missing Y chromosome will be upsetting to many readers, but reality is not always cozy. Although women, like open-source software projects, are dramatically inferior, we men can comfort them by looking down on them with pity, holding doors for them (as they are too weak to do it themselves), and letting them suck on our penises, because they do want our cum, even when they say they don't.

Regards,

Bitter Old Man, Ph. D.

Unfortunately, I was advised by a kind anonymous coward to, in the light of recent anti-terrorist legislation, remove my previous journal entry endorsing vaginal sex with pre-teen girls. It should go without saying that I meant no harm by it; certainly I would never even think of such a thing. I was only using artistic license to describe what such an act might hypothetically entail were I to be sick, twisted, and un-American enough to try it! ... Yes, that is all.