Clearly this is a cover for Aperture Science's moondust-gathering missions. Please get a word out to Mr. Johnson to take precautionary measures against inhaling such dust. These robots are designed to inadvertently deliver the lemons that life wants to give him.

Thank you. Working at the local history room of a library, I tend to cringe when people blindly ask "who needs a library these days?" We're working on digitizing a lot of things and putting them up online. I've been at it for a few years and with all the stuff we have, it almost seems like we've barely started. Among other things, we're currently trying to digitize a subject index of the local newspaper(s) spanning from the 1890s to the early 1990s. The index was originally done with index cards and is housed in an old card catalog. Nowhere near done, we're already reaping benefits from being able to do keyword searches for names not listed as the subject.

Then there are the local yearbooks and city directories, old maps, a school-published book on a town that doesn't exist anymore, history on local banks (now gone), and some information on the people behind the local street names. But yeah, there's still a lot of people out there who believe we don't need libraries anymore.

and if everyone else just chipped in and bought those $699 Loonix licenses they were selling, SCO wouldn't be in this mess to begin with.

Actually, I'll buy the rights to "/*" and "*/" and proceed to sue anyone that uses those symbols for IP violations. Maybe Microsoft will buy a license from me for a few mil so I can go after those freeloading Free Software programmers. Or maybe they can convince a canadian bank to invest in me so it doesn't look like they're the ones funding my litigation.

Then I can get the folks from Yank & Grope to echo my FUD so I can ride the credibility of MMORPGara and Diiddo. Nah, I wouldn't want Pb&J after me.

Oh yeah...

?

Profit!

I guess it's official -- Microsoft IS spyware!

That must've been a 486DX 'cause my ol SX couldn't do mp3s. Damn math co-processors! I had to settle for midis, .ra, and .au files. But not too much since Win 3.1 and all the other crap took up a lot of space on my 210MB hard drive.

Won't even discuss the old XT with dual 5 1/4 drives...which did wonders with some sheet music and GWBASIC's "play" command. Meh, the machine played arkanoid well enugh.

Yeah, now they've got mp3 players smaller than a pink pearl eraser. Damn these kids and their newfangled technology! I guess this is where I yell something about demanding that the juvenile miscreants evacuate my cultivated patch of grass.

Simple, you just hit the button(s) that correspond to the terror alert level they announce on the ensuing telethon. If Kanye shows up, you can use star power.

I figure that the variation of Caesar Cipher, ROT13, was easy to decipher so for maximum security, I always run it through the ROT13 encoder twice before I send it. Hell, I'm encoding this message in that method now so it will have to take a bit of cunning for you to read this comment. So if you've managed to read this, congratulations, you are qualified to work in Microsoft's security department.

I see you have Farmville Masteries in Onions, Peppers, and Corn as well as a stable full of horses. Here are free coupons for $.99 off your next Taco Bell purchase!

And here I thought my fast reflexes and hand-eye coordination were due to my abnormally large midi-chlorian count. With this article, I'll never convince my brother that I'm a jedi knight! Buzzkilled by science once again. "This is not the article you're looking for."

More One liners...

* They need to make sure that the project is on track
* Wait, this isn't the land of make believe!
* And there they are, just chugging along...
* Is this a hold up? No, it's a science experiment!
* On that note, shouldn't it be pushing a DeLorean around?
* I'm surprised I hadn't heard anyone rail against this.
* all their findings have to start with "If the californium-252 train leaves the station at 5 o'clock..."

I wrote an experimental javascript blackjack prog where if I type in "upupdowndownleftrightleftrightBASTARD" I always win. Seemed like a good, easy to remember input combo. :)

Arrr! May you come to see the light and be touched by his GNUdley appendage.

I quite like referring to it as arranging a meeting with "the board of education"

You kids are lucky with your newfangled HighHo MegaZip drives. I lost all my data when my wax tablet accidentally got flashed next to the fireplace where I was cooking dinner. I lost a fortnight's worth of work and literally had to start from scratch.

Blah blah kids [mumble] lawn!!!

And yes, I just realized you had a lower slashdot ID than I. Sorry, grandpa, I was just having some fun on these things you like to call a series of tubes. :)

Hey, I think I saw this guy at a healthcare townhall meeting!