Today was an interesting day. It was blissfully short, which unfortunately also meant I didn't get to work on my Latin project. Mostly, though, it was good.

There are two women who I am in love with in my study hall. They're very much opposites of each other, which is probably why I like them both. One is quiet, shy, and involved with school activities and concerned about grades. The other is a loud, outgoing, and carefree entrepreneur. The former is currently going out with a person I despise, and the latter has just come out of a very long relationship. I'm just going to refer to them as g1 and g2 for this, as I don't know who might be reading this. Heck, if either of them read this they would instantly know who they were.

G1 has been in my eye since I first met her. I don't know why. She's pretty, but not exactly a bombshell. Something, though, about the way she smiles and laughs really gets me. I would love to just talk with her, and to some extent I do, but she is very shy, and I really don't want to give away the fact that I'm in love with her. I may have, though, and I don't really know. I've tried to be her friend, and I never know if I've gone too far.

G2 is a flirt. I met her about the same time as G1 became involved. She's really nice, and quite funny, but I don't know how to describe the way she comes off except as Angsty. Despite her combat boot wearing exterior, she's really very traditional, and recently went on a long and impassioned rant about how stupid teen sex is. Which I consider, oddly enough, sexy.

I've decided to give up my other blog. It's not worth maintaining it, and the people who would read it are not worth talking to.
I'm not sure to say when introducing myself. I'd like to say, quite simply, "I'm ______, and I'm proud of it", but I'm not sure what goes in the blank. I've lost a sense of my identity, which is the one thing that has always been my greatest fear.
I'm writing this as a diary. Hopefully, I'll sit down each day and type out normal diary entry as if it was private. I don't know if I'll get comments or not, but I feel it'll be good for me to help sort out my life.

I'd like to write some background information on myself, first. Stories can work by starting you out in the middle, but for a journal, it's better to go in order. I'm 16. I'm classified as gifted. For years, I've struggled in school. I've been home schooled twice, the first for 3rd grade, the second for the period from halfway through 5th to the beginning of high school. The first was because of a conflict between my mother and my elementary school principal. I loved 2nd grade, but because of the way children were grouped in my school I ended up in a class filled with the "Special needs" students. The policy of the principal was to have heterogeneous classrooms and to group classes so that all classes had the same average IQ. My second grade teacher, however, was really good and was able to make the class interesting to me. For third grade, however, I was placed with a teacher who was known to be downright rude to gifted children, after my mother had specifically requested that I not be put in that class. After that, my mother withdrew me.
For fourth, I wanted to go back to school, and the year passed without incident. Fifth grade, however, was decidedly interesting. My teacher was, to put it kindly, unsure of herself. She made up for this by publicly ridiculing me and encouraging the other kids in my class to do the same.

Finally, after half a year of counseling, my mother realized that there may be more to my complaints about school than delusion. Two meetings, one with just my teacher and one with the teacher, guidance counselor and Principal, and I was withdrawn. I spent the rest of the year being home schooled, then I was allowed, on a trial basis, to take courses at the local community college, where I stayed until starting high school in 2001. I enjoyed my time at the college, but I yearned for a normalcy. Biggest mistake of my life. School has been a thing of false promises, insane dictators, and idiots.

So here I am. 16, barely passing my classes at school and dreading every weekday morning where I am thrust into an alien world for 7 hours a day. I've gotten some of the things I wanted, but lost almost all that I had. I'm going to post one thing here each day, I've promised myself that. I want to leave a mark, even if things don't work out for me, and maybe just putting this down into writing will help.

Just got back from the movies. I went "Out on the town" for my first time ever. I'm kinda a shy kid at my school, despite being well liked.
We went to see "Sky Captain", which was awesome looking but shallow, and then we wandered around Barnes and Noble for an hour. No hints of "Action", but I greatly enjoyed myself in a real social situation.

Why is it that on every issue, there's a Republican way, a Democratic way, and occasionally a crazy way dreamed up by one of the ultra partisan groups? For Gay marriage, Simple answer: Call it a civil union, make it exactly the same benefits. Or, better yet, give up the whole idea of "The State" recognizing marriages and call EVERYTHING a civil union. Marriage has always been a religious thing, why call the secular benefits by the same name?
Some issues need debate. I believe in the Iraqi war. The soccer team would not have been around and doing so well if it hadn't been for the ousting of Saddam. I do believe that the whole thing was up for debate that it did not receive.
I think we need a new political party devoted to SANITY and OPEN PUBLIC DEBATE. Politicians no longer debate in Debates, they smear. That's gotta go. Smear campaigns are about the slimiest and most disgusting things ever invented, yet they dominate elections.

Summer's more than half over, and I've gotten less than a quarter of what I wanted to done. I can't seem to sit down and code like I used to. Maybe I need a vacation, or maybe I need less caffine.

I'm getting OLD. Not as old as most of the people on here, but old nonetheless. Still, I got a cool watch and a GBA SP out of the deal. And one of my friends who just got back from China got me a set of Terra Cotta Army figurines.

Getting older makes me think. What will the world be like when I'm 26? 60? I dont think it's going to change much, but I hope it does. Too much of the bad aspects of Humanity show through right now, with war, terror, corruption and greed ruling the day. Maybe we'll get past that. Maybe not. I guess the best thing is to just keep living and see.

Whenever we find ourselves together, we love to talk about the past, present and future.

From this Journal

My D&D results:

I Am A: Chaotic Good Elf Mage Bard

Alignment:
Chaotic Good characters are independent types with a strong belief in the value of goodness. They have little use for governments and other forces of order, and will generally do their own things, without heed to such groups.

Race:
Elves are the eldest of all races, although they are generally a bit smaller than humans. They are generally well-cultured, artistic, easy-going, and because of their long lives, unconcerned with day-to-day activities that other races frequently concern themselves with. Elves are, effectively, immortal, although they can be killed. After a thousand years or so, they simply pass on to the next plane of existance.

Primary Class:
Mages harness the magical energies for their own use. Spells, spell books, and long hours in the library are their loves. While often not physically strong, their mental talents can make up for this.

Secondary Class:
Bards are the entertainers. They sing, dance, and play instruments to make other people happy, and, frequently, make money. They also tend to dabble in magic a bit.

Deity:


Find out What D&D Character Are You?, courtesy of NeppyMan (e-mail)

Mage works for me (I go by GauntletWizard on some other sites), but Bard?

Not quite the full night, I spent around 4 hours asleep, but FFXI is addictive. The interface has a steep learning curve, but once you know it, it works well. Absolutley beautiful, though. I had it set to the lowest graphics settings for the first long while playing, and it still looked goregous. Worth a video card upgrade to see in all its glory. Engaging story, too. Square lives up to its reputation with a killer intro movie and an interesting plot. Trying to play with your friends is supposed to be a major stopping point, with the worldpasses, so I'll see how that goes.

Final score:9.5/10
Graphics: 10/10
Gameplay: 9/10
Lag: 10/10
Community: 8/10

Whoo! I just got FFXI, installing as I type. Everything I've heard about it so far puts it at "Fun" but I'll see how it goes. With square's Track record, It should be good, but this is the first forray into a new field. I'm gonna review it as soon as I decide to log off (Which may be a while, from what I've heard)