You know, C.S. Lewis says that as we live our lives out, we are moving in one of two directions. Either we are becoming better people, or we're becoming worse people. Sure, stagnation can happen for a little bit, on the short term, but if you integrate with respect to character from zero to infinity, the trend either goes toward the good or toward the bad.

I agree with him. And, I find myself confronted with the reality on a regular basis that it appears that I am becoming more of a witch every day, instead of some other, more pleasant alternative. I feel like I become more jealous, more bitter, more self-serving, more stubborn and willful, and less godly regularly. Look at my JE from yesterday. It was just an honest assessment of my thoughts from the day before, and if you look at them not even very closely, you realize that I'm an absolute monster.

I know everyone has less than stellar moments and emotions, and perhaps I AM becoming a better person because I'm starting to recognize them, and share them with people, and confront them, and trying to change them, but it doesn't seem that way. If I look at myself as an onion, the more layers I peel off, the more rotten it seems that I am as I get deeper and deeper.

I also know that when you get married, that's about as close as you'll ever be to someone - that's as transparent as you ever get to another human being, and I shudder to think that this is the person that Shimmin knows. It is a darn good thing he loves me, because if I were him, I certainly wouldn't like me.

Friday I spent most of the day at work desperately trying to get things done despite the fact I was entirely too distracted and excited like a little kid about the Christmas party that Shimmin and I were throwing that evening. I seriously felt like a little kid on Christmas Eve. The party was great, we had a keg and homemade egg nog (with and without alcohol options were available) that I stayed up making Thursday night, and people shouted Christmas carols obnoxiously to our impromptu (and not terribly melodious) accompaniament of guitar and djembe. But every one had fun.

Saturday morning I got up and helped at a local outreach's Santa's workshop, where I got to help poor kids find presents for their parents and grandparents for free from the tables and tables of donations available. The kids had fun, I think, and I got to help bless them with gloves and socks and mittens, and gifts to give their parents. That afternoon I had lunch with some friends, ran some errands, and then packed for Chicago. We drove there, and once there went to a Christmas party with a bunch of Shimmin's friends from when he was an undergrad. Great party. Got checked into the hotel room and to sleep around two in the morning.

Sunday we woke up and drove home, saw RotK at the theater (went straight to the theaters from the interstate, didn't even stop at the house), Shimmin drove me to church for worship team practice, we practiced, and then after the service we went to a local pub for some much needed food and beer. We got to bed around 11:00, and then proceeded to toss and turn all night. I can think of four separate times when we were both simultaneously awake and unable to get comfortable and fall asleep.

It was a great weekend, but today I am groggy and groggy and groggy. And I don't have a great deal of hope for a nap today, unless as I am suspecting may happen, I simply fall asleep here at my computer. Later I have to pick Shimmin up from the lab, go shopping for last minute Christmas presents, arrive at his parents house with the presents wrapped, and then spend the evening with his parents and his sister and her husband. This will be fun, but also probably grueling if I still feel then as I do now.

Anyway... random thoughts. Shimmin's undergrad friends are lovely people, who are great fun to talk to. I got to listen to them banter about the lack of a "coming-of-age" ceremony in our culture, and how people don't really learn how to be adults anymore in America, and that was good. Eagle Scouts and Bar Mitzvahs came up in the discussion, but despite these few cultural occurances, they don't really count for a great deal. Thirteen year olds (I was surprised to learn that there are 13 year Eagle Scouts!) aren't adults yet in this day and age, and that's about all there is to it. I got to put in my big two cents about how we're the most educated and privileged people in the world, so it's our job to make sure that people get the skills and training they need to grow up on a local, person to person level, and someone said that it was pretty pretentious of me to state that I knew what was best for the rest of the uneducated world. I didn't have to answer that, because someone else asked her if the uneducated world was more qualified to make that decision or something like that. Anyway, good discussion. Glad I listened more than spoke, because I'd have opened my mouth up more about how kids should (and do) learn that stuff at church, if their church is a good one, and I'd like to get to know them all before I start mentioning my faith too much.

Had a tough time at worship practice. Seems that someone who plays piano and sings is being trained as a worship leader, and was touted to have some special "[that person's name] blessing," so whatever they were singing was obviously the right thing to sing. I got really frustrated and almost told them that I might as well leave** because I wasn't going to be a productive member of the team because that person couldn't stay on a consistent harmony (and indeed came out with some pretty off-key stuff at a few moments), and therefore I couldn't make a counter-harmony up and even if I did, she'd just jump to it and then we'd be singin in unison. She'd be singing a third below the melody, so I'd start singing a fifth below it. She'd jump to a fifth below it, and then the worship leader would stop us and tell us it was too heavy and tell ME to find a different harmony, or not sing and just fill in or something, which for the next take I would do and she would jump to it AGAIN.

She even did it during the service on a song that the leader had explicitly defined parts for, taking my part. The whole thing just made me remember all of the reasons why I had quit singing on worship team a few months ago in the first place, and it really sucked. I ended up just not singing on two songs because I got so irritated, and when I did sing, I was so frustrated and doubtful of myself that I just sucked. After all, what if I was just imagining it and it was ME who couldn't stick to a harmony? But upon further analysis later last night, it wasn't. So now I'm thinking about this, and I'm thinking "and they want her to be a worship leader?" And the worst part is that she's a great girl, has a charming personality, has an absolutely amazing voice, is a great keyboard player, is eager to please people, and is willing to put time and energy into practicing, but I don't really think that that will be enough for her to be able to lead a team. I don't want to tell the leaders that though because she's so nice; it'd be really heart-breaking to have to tell her something like that. It'll be sad if the leaders ever do figure that out. Maybe something will happen and she'll suddenly be able to do that. Or maybe, when she's a worship leader, she'll be able to sing melody (which she can hold just fine) and will have a set of totally talented backup singers that will be able to cut harmony themselves and she won't have to lead them.

I was thinking about Christ during communion and the sermon. I actually didn't listen to much of the sermon at all. I was on the worship team, so we all took communion together before the service because we'd be onstage during the service, and that's when I started thinking. I was instead thinking about Jesus being our sacrifice. Having just seen RotK probably had a lot to do with my thinking. Jesus is like the perfect king, who so loves his subjects, he fights right alongside them, and even takes blows for them. The appreciation of communion as Jesus' body and blood doesn't make a lot of sense to me from the standpoint of looking up at him on the cross, me on the ground. Instead, it makes more sense if I walk around behind the cross, with Jesus as the shield wall, in front of me, and us advancing through enemy territory. He's not there in front of me because I deserve for him to be, or even because I'm smart enough to want him to be. He's there on the battlefield with me because he wants to be. And that's the part that just blows my mind.

Oh well. Too many thoughts. Not enough sleep. Work to do.

**I've actually left worship team practice before, but for a different reason. That had to do with my own struggling with being helpful and submitting and the like. I used to have nothing to do with worship team. My favorite thing in the world to do though is to sing, and I suppose I'm pretty good at it. So I was asked to come a few times and sing at worship team. Then they found out I knew how to play piano, and asked if I could play piano and sing. Then, a little later, they started putting these people on worship team that can carry a melody I suppose, but are not great singers. And then they had all these singers on worship team and asked if I would just play piano so they didn't have so many singers. Now, I've been in the church when these people have sung, and they don't sing out at all, and you can't hear them, and the techs (probably on orders) don't turn their mics up much in the house and just turn their monitors up really loud. So then it's just the worship leader singing. So I got a little upset, and I let people know that I don't like playing keys enough to just do it, and so they put me on the schedule as doing both, and then on repeated Sundays via telephone or in person after I got to practice either asked me if I could just switch out and not play at all or if I could just play keys. One week I just got so mad about being asked to just play keys or maybe it was djembe, I really don't remember, (when there were even more bad singers than usual set up to sing) that I just gave up and realized my heart wasn't in worship anyway, and I didn't have any business being on stage, so I just quit, and told the worship leader that I was having some heart and motive troubles on worship team, and I didn't want to be scheduled for a while. I've since gotten over it, or so I thought, but my thoughts that I am not willing to stand up there and just raise my hands and look like a fool because I'm standing in front of a mic but I'm not singing because the other backup singer is hard to sing with have actually made me rethink my thoughts on that. Thank goodness for ALPHA being on Sunday nights again in the spring, so I'll have an excuse to not sing on worship team for another three month stretch and maybe get over this (or perhaps in which time maybe the girl will become a worship leader and one of those amazing positive outcomes I listed above will happen).

Well, for starters, I really love being married to Shimmin. It's great. It happened 17 days ago, and it still seems a little bit like a dream. I remember the rehearsal that morning, and being a little scared and tired and some other stuff, and I remember not being hungry for breakfast, and I remember getting dressed with my best friends. I remember putting my makeup on and having Laila do touchups, and then having to put a plastic bag over my head for about 10 seconds while they pulled my dress over my head so as to not get makeup on it. That was funny. I remember the wedding coordinator showing up at the door and saying that my dad and my grandma were there to see me. And I was all dressed, and they said I was beautiful. And I was ok then and not crying. And then I remember the wedding coordinator ushering my mom and my aunt in, and my mom took one look at me and started crying, and they just kept saying over and over that I was beautiful (this seems to be a trend...), and then I started crying a little, and I told my bridesmaids that they should probably all stuff a little tissue under their bra straps for me in case I needed them. And I remember waiting in the queue with my dad and crying and getting makeup on the handkerchief that Shimmin's grandma made when she was a little girl and that she gave to me to carry.

And then I remember walking. And my dad placing my hand in Shimmin's. And I remember holding his hand as Heidkamp said some words and I remember thinking "Oh my goodness this is real!" It was good. And then I remember Heidkamp's sermon thing said that we needed tons of mercy for each other and stuff and it was great, and he was swell. And then I remember Shimmin and I both fighting not to laugh as we said our vows - we were so happy. We weren't crying at all. And then we exchanged rings and I think I had a few tears there, but not many. And then, the funny part. We went up on the stage as my brother played Jesus be the Center and we lit the unity candle and we had neglected to purchase dripless candles, so we each burned ourselves on the hot wax. We sort of looked at each other and gritted our teeth and then just did it anyway, and blew out our own candles. Yes, marriage can be pain. I have experienced it firsthand.

And then he pronounced us Mr. & Mrs. Shimmin, and we went down the aisle and had a moment to ourselves where Shimmin put my engagement ring that had been on my right hand for the ceremony over the wedding ring on my left hand. And then we hugged and cried and then at some point the ushers started dismissing our friends and family, and they came through and we both cried the whole time. I couldn't introduce Shimmin to anyone, and he couldn't introduce me to anyone through all the tears, but that was ok, and we cried and all the people who thought to introduced themselves to us anyway - there were all kinds of family members that we each had present that the other one didn't know.

And then pictures. And then cake. And then we finally got to eat something, although I still wasn't hungry. And then we tossed the bouquet and garter, and then we got into his nicely decorated car which we drove to my house and conveniently got into my car which we hadn't brought for that reason, and drove away to our honeymoon.

Fast forward 17 days, we are in my house, his things aren't quite put away, but all of the rooms of the house are in good order except the spare bedroom, where his things and the wedding miscellanea are piled, and we hope to make more headway on that tonight. All of the thank you notes are sent, all of the gifts are put away. Gifts that are meant to hang on the walls will be hung tonight (lots of cast iron hanging candle-holders and candles, and some pictures and picture frames). We are happy. Being married is way better than I thought it would be, and I thought it would be pretty darn good.

So far we're mostly remembering to pray together every single morning before we get up (even if we forget we do it later) and we're driving in to work together. My body rebelled a week ago Friday because he was packing me lunches that were just a little TOO healthy (my mouth got tired of chewing when he gave me carrot sticks and apple slices in the same lunch), but he's since figured out the right balance, and we're doing swell, and so far the household duties have mostly been shared. Which is just fine with us.

Anyway, for those of you that are considering trying it, if you get the right person, being married is GREAT.

I Still Believe

I've been in a cave for 40 days
With only a spartk to light my way
I want to give out, I want to give in
This is our crime, this is or sin

But I still believe, I still believe
Through the pain and through the grief
Through the lies and through the storm
Through the cries and through the wars
Oh I still believe

With the light at my back, out at sea
Hoping these waves don't cover me
I'm turned and tossed upon the waves
When the darkness comes, I feel the grave

But I still believe, I still believe
Through the cold and through the heat
Through the pain and through the tears
Through the crowd and through the cheers
Oh I still believe

--Kate Minor, Live from the Sunset Strip album

...So Shimmin and I are getting married in 16 short days. That isn't very long at all. I'm already at the point that I think about it about once every 3 minutes, I think, and I'm having a hard time doing anything else... reading... working... driving... driving...

...So I ran into the car in front of me when I was parking in the office lot today. It was a tight fit because the car on my right had parked about an inch from the line, and I was nervous about pulling in and missing their mirror with my mirror (same make and model of car to my right, interestingly enough, theirs was gold, however, and mine is green, so if I had been too close our mirrors WOULD have hit)... and I wasn't paying too close of attention to the car in front of me. It was a big big truck, and they had not pulled through all the way and their truckbed was jutting about a foot into my space. This would have been fine, and I wouldn't have hit their car, except that their trailer hitch was sticking yet another foot into my space. I didn't notice this when I was parking though, and hit the trailer hitch. I wasn't going very fast, so their big strong steel trailer hitch is fine. My flimsy plastic bumper and sheet thin license plate, however, are not. The license plate got put into the car. The funniest part about this is that I knew when I sort of encountered resistance, so I visually checked where their car was in front of me, saw I was good, and so took my foot off the brake, and allowed my car to idle into the car further, which is what caused most of the damage. Idling into their hitch! Surely a plastic bumper would be stronger than that! But it wasn't....

...So I'm in the 2nd year of a two year advanced leadership training program at my church. The goal of these classes is to train leaders to be better layleaders, pastors, and church-planters. Shimmin and I intend to plant a church when we get married, with him being the principal bread-winner and me being the principal church-planter. Last year I went to all but one of the classes (missed the class the week of Thanksgiving), and still I didn't feel I learned much. But about the time this semester was starting in September I realized that it was all my fault, that there were things to learn there, and I was really being a dork about it all. At our church they have a lot of classes you can take on weekends and stuff, and I take most of those, so when they start a topic and then go more indepth into it at VALT (the name of the program), I have about 50% review, and 50% new stuff. But like turning my brain off for the first 50% is the wrong attitude. You can always use refresher courses on Bible basics. It's not like you get saved, pray the sinners prayer, and then go on to better things... you have to revisit the Gospel time and time again if you're going to grow in your faith. Paul and David and Solomon and Jesus all say to meditate on the scriptures repeatedly. So now that I have the right attitude I'm thirsting for more stuff.

...So now there's a girl who works for me that's taking VLI, a different set of classes, that our church just started offering this year, remotely, because they're taught by all sorts of renowned theological scholars and stuff, and I am not doing VLI because I am already one year into VALT, and you don't stop a program to start another. But VLI is more challenging. It's harder to understand, the concepts are more challenging, it essentially is a distance learning seminary. So the girl that works for me gets CD's of every lecture, and I have been listening to them while I clean up maps at work. They're good. They're REALLY good. The professors that teach them teach on the topics for which they are experts, and boy do they know their stuff.

...So the main question is, should I keep just listening to the VLI stuff and learning from it not quite as much as I would if I were sitting in class listening to it and taking notes, and then go get an M.Div. or at the very least an M.A.R. from Trinity next year when I'm done with VALT, or do I quit listening to the VLI CD's and really do VLI next year? I'm leaning toward the M.A.R. b/c I don't really want an M.Div. (well mostly I don't want to do quite that much work while working full-time... I'm sort of scared of learning Greek & Hebrew, but the OT & NT Surveys & Hermeneutics & Homeletics & Christian Counselling courses are right up my alley (and besides if you get an M.Div. you don't have much time to devote to Christian Counselling which I think prepares you a lot more to be a pastor)). But VLI is at my church, with my friends, taught by Vineyard pastors with doctorates, and Trinity, well, isn't. And VLI is a lot cheaper (of course I'm getting VLI for free now, minus the service requirements, although I think that VALT service requirements are actually more stringent...). Right now I'm also planning to take all of the intensives, 10 hour weekend courses for VLI that cover various stuff. The first one is the Synoptic Gospels.

...So Shimmin and I have been thinking about where to plant a church. Right now it looks like when he's done with his PhD. we'll just go where he gets a job, which could be anywhere b/c his program is the best of its kind in the country... he could be a teacher, professor, or researcher just about anywhere. The Ivy League schools that I've looked at don't have our church's denomination represented are Brown University, in Providence, RI, Dartmouth, in Hanover, NH, Penn, in Philadelphia, PA, and Princeton, in Princeton, NJ. The National Labs are National Renewable Energy Lab, in Golden, CA, and Oak Ridge, in Oak Ridge, TN. Anyway... we don't know where we'll end up. Does anyone who happens to read this know of a good church that preaches Kingdom Theology in any of these cities? I really want to go somewhere where they don't have a comparable church, and I think Shimmin does too.

...So I'm going to go do some reading for VALT.

This weekend I was a greeter at church, my paternal grandfather's cousin's daughter-in-law threw me a bridal shower, I got to ride two hours each way to said shower with shimmin's sister and mom, ate at the original pancake house, got worried b/c my mother apparently got hurt in physical therapy (she said she broke her hip but the surgeon says the x-rays do not show that), I checked out the new pub in town and waited for hours for morris to show up there (new pub cool, morris being late, uncool) only to call him and tell him I was tired and going home, and I had yummy Tex-Mex food last night with shimmin. There, consider yourselves updated.

I have been doing a lot of rather weird thinking. Saturday, On the way to shimmin's parent's house to meet his mom and sis I had the windows down and this song "Romeo and Juliet" or something that the Indigo Girls do a cover of came on, only it wasn't them, so I can assume it was the original version, and the smell of dew and rain and cut grass and baled hay came into the car. I think I lived in the moment from then until I got to their house. Not in some other moment, like anticipating the future ones, or the ones that just passed, seconds earlier, but in straight up state reality. It's kind of interesting when that happens.

There's an Eagles song from Hell Freezes Over called "Learn to Be Still" that talks about that. I spent an entire summer in Washington trying to learn all about that, but I'm afraid I didn't really learn anything b/c I was running around all over town and busy all the time, dating the wrong guys, chasing after others, and although it was the summer after my having become a Christian, you wouldn't have known it except from my presence in church with my dad and his wife on Sundays.

But I had it down for that whole car-ride. And I had it down for a car-ride this morning that took me through my old stomping ground... the neighborhood adjacent to the house we lived in when we first moved here (which is now levelled) and the high school. I looked at the houses and the colours and the sounds (like the brickroad under the car) and the smells and all of those reality filter programs blind us shut down for my enjoyment. And yesterday, at kickboxing class there was just sweat and me and music and muscles and it was the same. I want more time like that.

What I really want though, is to be able to pray like that. To focus, to pray, not think and have to constantly remind myself to get back on track to praying. And to be truly present in that moment when someone is talking to me, rather than off in lala-land. Of course, there's one area of my life in which this happens consistently, and that would be when I'm spending close time with shimmin. It's impossible for me to be thinking "Man I love him," whilst thinking about something else.

Anyway, what are other people's thoughts about that kind of thing? Am I nuts for noting this inconsistency in my thought-life, or can the rest of you relate?

My dad sent me this editorial on 9/17/2001. It moved me deeply then, and it moved me deeply just now. Figured some of you might like to read it.

B Leonard Pitts of the Miami Herald:

It's my job to have something to say. They pay me to provide words that help make sense of that which troubles the American soul. But in this moment of airless shock when hot tears sting disbelieving eyes, the only thing I can find to say, the only words that seem to fit, must be addressed to the unknown author of this suffering.

You monster. You beast. You unspeakable bastard. What lesson did you hope to teach us by your coward's attack on our World Trade Center, our Pentagon, us? What was it you hoped we would learn? Whatever it was, please know that you failed.

Did you want us to respect your cause? You just damned your cause. Did you want to make us fear? You just steeled our resolve. Did you want to tear us apart? You just brought us together. Let me tell you about my people.

We are a vast and quarrelsome family, a family rent by racial, social, political and class division, but a family nonetheless. We're frivolous, yes, capable of expending tremendous emotional energy on pop cultural minutiae -- a singer's revealing dress, a ball team's misfortune, a cartoon mouse. We're wealthy, too, spoiled by the ready availability of trinkets and material goods, and maybe because of that, we walk through life with a certain sense of blithe entitlement.

We are fundamentally decent, though -- peace-loving and compassionate. We struggle to know the right thing and to do it. And we are, the overwhelming majority of us, people of faith, believers in a just and loving God.

Some people -- you, perhaps -- think that any or all of this makes us weak. You're mistaken. We are not weak. Indeed, we are strong in ways that cannot be measured by arsenals.

IN PAIN

Yes, we're in pain now. We are in mourning and we are in shock. We're still grappling with the unreality of the awful thing you did, still working to make ourselves understand that this isn't a special effect from some Hollywood blockbuster, isn't the plot development from a Tom Clancy novel. Both in terms of the awful scope of their ambition and the probable final death toll, your attacks are likely to go down as the worst acts of terrorism in the history of the United States and, probably, the history of the world. You've bloodied us as we have never been bloodied before.

But there's a gulf of difference between making us bloody and making us fall. This is the lesson Japan was taught to its bitter sorrow the last time anyone hit us this hard, the last time anyone brought us such abrupt and monumental pain. When roused, we are righteous in our outrage, terrible in our force. When provoked by this level of barbarism, we will bear any suffering, pay any cost, go to any length, in the pursuit of justice.

I tell you this without fear of contradiction. I know my people, as you, I think, do not. What I know reassures me. It also causes me to tremble with dread of the future.

In the days to come, there will be recrimination and accusation, fingers pointing to determine whose failure allowed this to happen and what can be done to prevent it from happening again. There will be heightened security, misguided talk of revoking basic freedoms. We'll go forward from this moment sobered, chastened, sad. But determined, too. Unimaginably determined.

THE STEEL IN US

You see, the steel in us is not always readily apparent. That aspect of our character is seldom understood by people who don't know us well. On this day, the family's bickering is put on hold. As Americans we will weep, as Americans we will mourn, and as Americans, we will rise in defense of all that we cherish.

So I ask again: What was it you hoped to teach us? It occurs to me that maybe you just wanted us to know the depths of your hatred. If that's the case, consider the message received. And take this message in exchange:

You don't know my people. You don't know what we're capable of. You don't know what you just started. But you're about to learn.

As some of you are aware, my mother has been having health problems her whole life; the most recent set of disasters beginning with a fall that shattered her kneecap, resulting in a botched prosthetic knee surgery, which resulted in another fall that left five broken leg bones. She has been completely unable to bear any weight for two years.

Well, now she has gotten surgery and has a new right femur and knee, which hooked nicely onto her already prosthetic hip, and she can be rightly called The Bionic Woman, given that her left knee and hip are also prosthetics. The physical therapy folks at the hospital she is in have been in to stand her up twice a day since the operation last Tuesday. This is a big deal given that she had not been able to stand for the previous two years.

So I'm happy for my mom. She may finally be able to walk again in a few months. The problem is that because of Medicare (nobody with health problems like hers can get real health insurance) and some random rules and regulations, if she can't walk and isn't totally rehabilitated in just 47 days, she's not going to be able to come to my wedding. That is a big deal to me. If she can't come, I understand, but her presence there is really important in my head, although there's not much I can do to change things. I need a miracle. Prior to the surgery she had been in a nursing home b/c she chose to move in with my great aunt, six hours away from me by car three years ago, and that aunt can't take care of her due to health problems of her own. Her doctor doesn't think she's even rehabilitation material yet, so he's sending her back to the nursing home until she is a little more healed up. So they're not even starting the rehabilitation yet. Please pray for her.

Fifty days from right now I will either be having a great time preparing for the party that shimmin's parents are going to throw for our close family, or I will be freaking out. That's ok, freaking out a little is all right, especially the day before you get married.

In other news, all of the people at my church have started posting to Live Journal, and I have not, and I feel a little left out. Why, have I not? Well, its the premise of it... and I hate to be a poser. So instead I told myself that I'd mosey over to /. and post in my own journal. So I'm here.

Rode the train all 14 hours and back to Colorado to visit shimmin's grandparents last week. Sweet sweet people, quite elderly though, so they won't be there for the wedding. So I went with him to meet them and we had fun. It was nice to be in a place that wasn't humid, and it was nice to have a rest. I highly recommend the train to anyone, provided you have the sense to get a sleeper. We didn't. Stayed up almost all night on the way home b/c I couldn't get comfy. Way there I slept like a baby though.

My mom had surgery Tuesday, and I went down to Nashville for it. Her right knee and femur were replaced. Doc didn't have to do the hip, which is good. Mom's still afraid of falling again though, so she didn't want to stand up when the physical therapist was ready to do it on Wednesday. She hasn't been able to walk or stand for about two years, so standing up is a big step. Hopefully she will rehabilitate all right and maybe even be walking by the day of the wedding.

Picked up the invitations today. Now I have to go homoe and spend tonight, tomorrow night, and the weekend addressing them. Yes, shimmin is going to help, but addressing 150+ invitations is still a little daunting. They need to be all done and in the mail by Monday.

Anyway, I intend to post here more often. I may even post some "religious" stuff, or random thoughts that I've been having, like I used to do. Feel free to comment when I do so, but please just don't bother if you're just going to troll. I think that everyone here knows I'm a Christian, and that for the most part, I don't embody any of the negative stereotypes that Christians have, and if you don't know it, go back through my posting history and figure it out. Don't comment without doing some homework.

Now I finally know how all of you feel. A topic about which I know considerably more than the average /. user has finally come up, and I am frustrated beyond measure. There ought to be a moderation option "Just Plain Wrong," and I ought to have an unlimited supply of mod points for this one.

I am referring to the thread about the power outage in the northeast today, and I have had to make myself quit reading posts and replying to them. Not that I've done a lot; I've only replied to two, but in order to explain why the parent posts were wrong I had to write a lot. Read my most recent one if you'd like to learn something about power systems.

Eek. Now I know how you all feel when someone goes on and on about something you know is garbage. Especially if they do so in a moderately trollish way. I will try never to post something on a topic that I only know a little about just b/c I don't ever want anyone to be able to feel about me like I do about a lot of people right now.

Hello everyone. I need a bit of advice not for me actually, but for my dad. My dad has received an appointment from an FLA (Four Letter Acronym... hehe) for a few years in DC. I'd really like to brag on my dad and tell you all which one and for what, but I'm going to leave him a little anonymity. Anyway, he's going to be moving there with his wife and my little sister. They're looking to live in an apartment somewhere. What I need are suggestions of good areas for them to look in that are close to a nice little Christian school for sis to attend (she's starting kindergarten this fall), and perhaps suggestions of such schools. I am not sure, but given the appointment, I think that price is not much of a concern.

Any info would be appreciated.

I am in the interesting position of getting (having?) to choose my own job title for new business cards. But I am at a loss to describe what I do with a few simple words.

I'm in charge of shipping, invoicing, quoting, and receiving. I manage a team of Simulation Artists (practical definition of Simulation Artist is Digital Cartographer), who work on map-making projects, I make maps myself sometimes. I also have to draw up contracts for purchases and site licenses to our software, and sometimes sign them, so my title needs to lend a little authority. I also design all of our ads, brochures & software packaging, and am in charge of getting them printed & put into the appropriate journals. So technically I am also a Graphic Artist, but I don't want that title.

Here are suggestions I've had, none of which appeal to me too well:

Senior Simulation Artist
Marketing Coordinator (my old title)
Chief Cartographer
Chief Transmission Cartographer
Marketing Associate
Associate
Senior Simulation Specialist
Simulation Art Consultant
Director of Simulation Art
Project Manager
Simulation & Marketing Coordinator
Director of Administration
Administration Director

What thinkest you all? I have to think of something pretty soon.

can you see us, in your big blue car,
driving backward over mountains,
dressed up in our superhero pajamas?
well I'm proposing just that kind of adventure
in which the two of us first fold out some lawnchairs
first stop is the scrubgrass down by Hwy 12
and watch the orange sherbert sun
melt down into the lake, which is quicksilver...

and we'll sit and we'll think
and we'll know that we're small
and it's gone in a blink
and when we catch our breaths we'll remember

that we're writing a song
a song about everything
not just some ditty for kids to sing
when they hear it on the radio someday

well this is absolutely ordinary
the two of us, jobless, homeless
rich beyond our wildest fantasies
and we've got some fantasies, let me tell you, fact
nobody we know's never been paralyzed by their dreams
or their addictions
at one time or another in their lives
but still none of us is a grownup
to hell with the grownups we say
with their atom-bashing, soul-smashing machines

and then we close our eyes
and we visualize
that we're carving utopia down to the size
of a song

a song about everything
like when you showed me your grandma's ring
and said why not put that in a song
and we're singing along

to a wordless piece of jazz that we found on a cassette
in the upholstry of the passenger seat
and we like it that way
we've got intentions, insane interventions
we've got cinergy, energy, chemistry, and serendipity now
throwing twenty-dollar bills out the window
to prove we're invincible
careless, fearless, irresponsibly free
yeah we're reckless and wild
there's a turtle in the middle of the road
there's like ten million shooting stars
we're spinning, spinning, spinning, spinning
we're a dot on your screen
we're unfolded and green
on the highest horizon, laughing loudest of all
people are staring, it's the summer of love
it's the end of the century
look up the moon is a scoop of vanilla ice cream
are we here? are we real? is this only a dream?

in which we're writing a song?
a song about everything
or is this only a summer fling
we'll remember in a poloroid someday?

it doesn't have to be long
to be a song about everything
remind yourself with a piece of string
you're always writing a song about everything

about everything

I think I must be finally a grownup. Because I just got the telephone call from doom.

"Someone has nominated you as one of Central Illinois' Most Wanted. Upon arrest, you will spend an hour in jail at The Outback Steakhouse to benefit Muscular Dystrophy*. Bail is set at $1575 or one hour of your time. While you're there, The Outback will feed you its version of "bread and water." When would you like to schedule your sentence?"

"Oh... I see... can I find out who has er... ratted on me?"

"Sorry... they're in the witness protection program. Can I get your fax number to send you the details? You may begin collecting bail money now."

Hmm... Well, I went ahead and scheduled it. Then I appealed to my brother for a start on that bail money in the email I was already in the middle of writing him. This is really proof that I am a grownup. Moreso than when I bought a car. Moreso than when I bought a house. Moreso than the reality that shimmin and I will be getting married in 130 days. Someone out there... thinks that not just me, but also MY FRIENDS, are rich enough to give their charity $1575.00. Which we probably (collectively) are. At least I'll get a free steak out of the deal...

*I think it was Muscular Dystrophy... I'm really not sure. I've heard of this fund-raiser before, whatever it is. But usually I hear of like the mayor or the US Senator getting jailed. Not me. Unless I can officially be lumped in with them now... ooh, scary. Anyway, I figure I'll find out when I get the fax with the rest of the information.

This morning I had the pleasure of finding this in my inbox:

Dear [Liora],

I'm excited too. I'm excited for you coming over too [Liora]. I think that to go get milkshakes is a good idea. And going to the playground. I like to play with you a lot and I miss you. I have a surprise when you get here [Liora]...two surprises. I love you too.

Love
YOUR LITTLE SISTER

She is five years old. The all caps at the bottom represent where she typed her name herself (in all caps). I'm going to be seeing her in one week and one day. And she's going to get to meet shimmin for the first time! That'll be exciting. Man I miss her.