At best, a good case for compiling PHP code. I'm not sure the assumptions are sound at all: 10:1 ration? PHP code is dominant code executed? I'd bet most of execution is in database, and that is surely executing compiled C/C++.

Pick a theme and stick to it. In the past, we've used names of fish and that seemed to work pretty well...swordfish, hammerhead, etc. Obviously, pick something with a sufficiently large set of names for your network. This is effective as non-meaningful id's, but gives the workstations the sort of personality that they deserve.
Avoid using information *about* the workstation in its name. Primary user, location, function may change over time. Renaming is problematic so avoid needing to do it.

I remember using Micro Focus cobol to write DOS apps in the early 90's. That language seemed antiquated in those days, but it's still king for certain types of systems.