Better return that USB Fleshlight

Round one: Digital music replaces musicians. Actors and audience don't much care.
Round two: Holograms replace actors. Audience doesn't much care.
Round three: Virtual audience replaces real audience. Real audience doesn't even notice, as the computers find that the all-digital performance can be optimized by running the simulation at many times real life speed. Der Ring des Nibelungen takes only 1.5 seconds in the new theater.

Goodbye Older, Higher-Paid Teachers!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/S...

Tis a joke, but your post is the inspiration for my next billion dollar idea:

1. Search Wikipedia for a couple of lines from an obscure algorithm to make a joke post
2. Realize that on Wall Street there is nothing too weird that some desperate suckers might not actually believe it
3. Publish actual stock market guide filled with cut and paste sciency-looking stuff
4 Profit!

Given enough data, almost all hypotheses are disproven. The ones which remain and have not yet been disproven by evidence become theories.

Coming soon from Hardcourt and Knee Brace: "Buy If (i > 0 and j > 0 and F(i,j) == F(i-1,j-1) + S(Ai, Bj)) And Sell When (j > 0 and F(i,j) == F(i,j-1) + d)"

If an interviewer starts to ask you a question which begins with a tortoise on its back, flip the table and run like hell, man.

If I leave a package of Oreos on the floor and a toddler with no impulse control and no reason to have impulse control at that age anyway gets into the package and eats them all, is it the toddler's fault for being a toddler or is it my fault for leaving the goddamn cookies on the floor?

You are in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and the CEO of Comcast. You have a gun with two bullets. What do you do?

You shoot the CEO twice.

When your little boutique startup catches fire enough to go IPO and get listed on the NYSE, then you may have to make a few ethical and moral compromises to keep that Mercedes.

A degree in cosmology takes years of study and research. A degree in cosmetology can be obtained in six months. Your girlfriend will laugh and ridicule your opinions in cosmetology, but you feel fully qualified to comment on the current questions being studied in cosmology.

My greatgrandfather invented a trunk and a radiator to hook onto a horse.

Once the students see a guy crucified on a plus sign, they'll know we are serious about our math.

The prison library called to say there was an overdue book on his account:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/H...