San Francisco is full of useless VC-funded startups most of which will die of smugness or marketing department stupidity or just plain failure to create something really worth a damn. Driven by fantasies of exit-plan cashout. Bubble, hell yes. Oh look, a mobile application that lets you check the cat litter box from the office. Gotta have it. I'm sure millions of pet owners need it. Let's fund it to the tune of $5 million in the first round. I'm sure Facebook will buy it for $1 billion once its value is seen. Because it's totally unique and no one could duplicate it easily and we can always get a patent and troll everyone in the future.

Eh, hosers, everybody knows tha microwave radiation from them wind terbines kills tha moose. We gotta pertec tha moose.

Oh great, now we're going to be overwhelmed with Japanese tourists taking pictures of radioactive things!

Shot 1: Dad and the kids smiling at camera and glowing in dark.

Shot 2: Look! Our Toyota doesn't need headlights!

Shot 3. Mr. Fujimoto and his radioactive shoes!

Shot 4. Godzilla. No, really, Godzilla. Run!

Lolz if meant as humor, and proof of my assertion if not.

Agreed. It feels like there's been a big shift in visitor quality and attitude, over time.

I, for one, salute our new grape-growing superconducting overlords!

Researchers celebrated by having their fillings restored after a painful emergency.

In other news, superhero Dr. Magnet explained to the press that the large bulge in his trunks was merely because he'd flown too close to Los Alamos. His sidekick Alnico Girl shook her head and said "Don't believe a word that horny bastard says."

I'll mince no words: Saul Zaentz is and always has been an ahole. He only owns the rights to the film version of the book, he does not own the book. He ripped off Credence Clearwater's John Fogerty long ago, and then had the audacity to sue Fogerty for hundreds of millions, claiming John did not have the right to use his own riffs. He lost the suit but remained a complete dick. This man is the epitomy of wrong.

It's been obvious to me that we store memories in tiny little flash drives embedded in our brain. Sometimes they go bad, and then we get getstuckget stuck and files don'tloadloadloadfilesystemcorrupt

Drugs: don't do 'em, kids.

Dear Michael;

I call it "TransOzinators". Script is ready to go. Have your girl call my girl and let's take a meeting. I see box office boffo here. I already have a treatment for the sequel ready. "Revenge of WW". Lots of explosions and product placements. Also, my girlfriend would make a perfect replacement for Meg.

Sincerely,

W. S. Shakespeare, Esq.

Next up, Bay takes on Wizard of Oz remake:

"Flying monkeys with bombs. Lots of bombs. Wicked witch with machine gun on broom! Megan as Dorothy! Toto upgraded to pit bull. Shia LeBoeuf will ace it as the Tin Man with laser-eyeballs and missile-firing butthatch! Cowardly Lion now a Mexican political-asylum refugee who knows how to fight! The Straw Man now the Token Black Gay Teenage Computer Wizard in a wheelchair. With glasses. And braces. Eats HotPockets and Pepsi and Pringles while racing against time.

Old plot bad, new plot good. Secret Oz government lab accidently released virus that mutates Munchkins into slobbering zombie vampires. Only Dorothy can save them because her blood has radical new antibodies. Witch nearly kills her, but sex with the Tin Man revives her. New totally unexpected ending not involving explosions!"

I've always wondered how the tunnel borers track position precisely when they are underground. GPS depends on adequate reception of satellite signals, which you do NOT get underground. Inertial navigation systems? But those usually need to be refreshed from calibration sources.

I've concluded it's all done by reference to gnomes.

The best part will be when he breaks the time barrier and lands in 1956. At that point, a farmer will shoot him then shout "I got myself a Russky. Martha, call the sheriff!"

Personal nudity always gets attention and wakes up sleepy audiences, as do firearms. The downside is, after they've all run screaming from the room there's no one left to listen except the guy who had fallen asleep. You can handle that by standing in front of him and shaking him gently.

I THOUGHT there was something suspicious about that Kia with hair.