I lost my mind. No, not like recently I must have lost it a long time ago But I only now realized it Maybe it's been the isolation But the further along it goes The less like I feel like I can be around normal People ... A normal girl

I was the happiest guy in the world. And then the world ended.

I wonder if you think I told you I love you to try and keep you...

Nope. I just wanted to tell you before you left.

So I don't know if I woke up because I felt the yello-jacket on my hand. Or if I woke up, and then moved, and spooked it. I think it was sitting on my hand cause it was warm, they're getting into my room somehow, but it's cold and they get very lethargic. So I got bit, as soon as I woke up, all bleary-eyed, way confused, freaked out... I vacuumed up all the dead yellow-jackets that had been on the window sill and ground, I don't think they're getting in via the window, I think maybe there is a hole under the radiator... Well if they are being attracted by the chemical smell of their dead brethern, that will cease. My hand is sore like when you get a booster shot in the arm, that kinda deep-muscle weird soreness, alas, it wasn't that bad.

What good is it if your family treats you like a princess, if it's just a ploy to keep you locked in the castle tower...

I tried to tell myself I was glad you were out of my life. Mournful that you were out of my life. But happy, that I didn't have that feeling looming over me anymore. Always brooding over me, that I knew that one day you would just suddenly never talk to me ever again. the fact that that dread is gone makes me happy. except you haven't truely walked out on me. Because the footsteps you've tread remind me that you were here once.

I almost rather be unhappy, than experience this wild happiness, which will only retreat on me, leaving me further in misery.

Except it sounds so much more (poignant/relevant/meaningful), and not as plebian, in my internal monolouge.

I think I've grasped the nature of this particular beast^H^H^H^H^H pet.

I'm happier being unhappy.

Never have sex with a girl, and then buy a turboed car the day after, it's gets you all mixy with emotions.

School starts on tuesday.
Saturday
Sunday
Monday
School day

Impending doom seizes my heart. Microprocessors, Electronics II, calculus I (again).

So much on my plate.

Tschus

"entropy"
last week
i heard
they had determined the speed of gravity
&it was approaching the speed of light.
look.
i've fallen from infinity
&reached terminal velocity
in an instant
the ground gets further away
not any closer, not closer
at all.

look.
everything
is expanding: the space
between planets getting
larger, stars moving away from each other.
i spend my time
seeking an equation
to pull galaxies together
&you say it doesnt matter-everything
just cancels out

look.
they say that everything in this universe
eventually breaks down, even the speed of light.

look.
ten million years ago,
light moved more quickly,
particles more energetically. today
the rain falls more slowly than yesterday
and i see it getting older, getting more&more
tired of this life. yesterday
we fucked harder
than today. i think i am
getting tired of this love.

you say
youd love to teach me how to break the speed of light.
i have a feeling
itll be breaking us
first.

I loved you to death, but you loved yourself more, and beat me there

What do you call it when rain falls while the sun is shining?

That sounds right about now, I could go for that. Of course my imagination overlays a girl into the situation, magnificant, graceful, unconcerned in how she is marvelously wrapped up in nothing, eyes flashing, teeth bared, carefree, divine, demure?

My imagination, because she does not exist.

http://www.hcs.harvard.edu/~golder/dialect/staticmaps/q_80.html

No-one in particular in mind =(.

But what can be sexier than a girl with her hair casually put in that bun thing that kinda fans out like a peacock... glasses, pencil in teeth...

Casually magnificant.

So where are you meine HerzFrau?

Ohyeah, so she dumped me again...

Kinda interesting ... you finally get the nerve to be able to tell ppl you love them after like four years of not saying it to anyone...

And they leave you 3 days later!


joyjoy

"When I kissed you, it was so real."

"That's such a nice thing to say. That's the kind of thing I'm going to remember when I'm 50 and not pretty any more..."

No, I wasn't pensively pineing away, this truly just hit me, I think it is a resurfacing of an older though.

You don't fall in love with someones strengths, you fall in love with their weaknesses.

I think I am just trying to say, strong ppl don't need you. And perhaps are less evocative.

Tomorrow is turkey day, I'll be spending it with the family... I suppose others have it worse.

Perusing hotornot for several day straight, taking time out only to download "media," and shirk my homework. Searching, pathetically, desperate for human contact? I don't think I want to embrace the computer as that kind of substitute, just yet...

Or just surveying the field. I've been to the mall, every weekend. On the prowl. I need to move on, for this one, keep on the balls of my feet, agile. I think I would dwell on this one forever. I haven't been this taken with eine madchen since Adrian. I need to put her out of my head. And the best way to do that is replace it (the lonliness) with something. I've spent 2-3 days online, helping #samba and #freebsd. I'm thinking to put this on my resume. :)

Anyways, here are my musings from browsing through so many faces on hotornot. I'm holding strong at a 7.6, a picture of me in shirt and tie, with chelsea, at some x-mas event.

I imagine I might do well with the ladies, as pretty much all of them say they are into piercings and tattoos, which I have in spades. Thinking about getting more... ;-)

Everyone on hotornot lists "fun" or "having fun" as an interest... NO SHIT! Isn't that why it's called "fun" you simpering soddomites! (ahem)

"you only live once, so have fun." "You only live once, so you're going to waste it on frivolty?!"

Another characteristic, that is widely accepted, and little questioned, is spontaneity. Apparently this is the sole demarcation point between happy shiny ppl, and loathsome caste-offs. And yet I postulate:

Which is more admirable, spontaneity or forethought?

Will tonite I slumber deep,
Or doomed am I to forsake sleep?

One Love,
PHiZ