I can't wait for companies to start using these to enforce dress codes. "I'm sorry, Jim, but we can't allow you to wear your pretty, pretty princess underwear to work."

It's easy. When you walk into the eggplant patch, the female eggplants will all point at you, laugh, and say, "I can't believe you wore *that* to the garden."

This is my great-great-great-grandfather's axe. It has had the head replaced twice and the handle replaced three times.

Pete: I've always wondered, what's the devil look like?

Ulysses Everett McGill: Well, there are all manner of lesser imps and demons, Pete, but the great Satan hisself is red and scaly with a bifurcated tail, and he carries a hay fork.

Tommy Johnson: Oh, no. No, sir. He's white, as white as you folks, with empty eyes and a big hollow voice. He likes to travel around with a mean old hound. That's right.

Hi honey. I didn't know you had a /. account. I'll be home for dinner tonight.

Exactly. You would be amazed at how many relationships are ruined by Facebook. I did some research recently that really opened my eyes to this problem. The one thread through the vast majority of women's confessions was that they didn't *mean* for it to happen. A chat lead to a call. A call lead to lunch, then to secret meetings, then to bed. These were professional, intelligent women who previously had no intention of having an affair. It is mind-boggling.

If your girlfriend/wife/whatever is using Facebook and you are not, you need to get an account. Trust me on this.

Boy, I dodged a bullet there. Now I can remain anony...oh shit.

I know I shouldn't feed the trolls, but...what case are you speaking of?

You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one.

FTFY

No really. Don't let the deadpan delivery fool you into thinking I am not shocked. I am. Really.

Oh, I don't know...I've heard lots of babies say, "poo-poo."

Computer Defeats Human At Japanese Chess

Human, my friend. Human.

Chicka pie, chicka bane.

Does this download include all messages received and sent?