So things started to feel a little grim, I was getting back into lonely mode, but something changed. After the whole Windsor Girl dilemma, I figured I would be lonely but then she suggested that I should talk to her friend. At first I didn't want to, I didn't want to deal with rejection again. Then, I realized that I had learn from past experiences, and it doesn't hurt to try. After all, we had similar interests. So I started talking to this new girl, she was fun to talk to and we always had something to talk about. Be it school, politics, parents, or computers *drool*. One night she IMed saying that she was bored and all her friends were busy, I suggested (never thinking it would work, mind you) that she should come over...and she did (WTF?!?!?!?!) We watched Boondock Saints and held her in my arms. It was awesome, I love the feeling of having someone. After we were done watching the movie, I walked her to her car and busted out the question, and asked her out. She said yes (!!!) I gave her a kiss on the cheek (!!!) and we said our goodbyes.

So...now...I have...a girlfriend. I never thought this would happen to me, but for some unknown reason, it has. I must say, this is my first real girlfriend, where there is actual feelings between each other, where I actually feel I'm in a serious relationship. I guess I was wrong, I figured I wouldn't be happy even if I had a girlfriend, but I am. Right now, it's a euphoric feeling, kissing her, holding her, it just feels so great. I guess I really did need a girlfriend, because I actually feel like life is worth living. She's awesome, she likes computers, she's a leftist, she likes photography, she's beautiful, and I actually thinks she likes me. What more could I ask for?

Newsflash! Paul has accomplished getting CD-Writing to work in Debian Linux, if that doesn't give me 1337 h@x0r status I don't know what will. So how did I accomplish this? I don't exactly konw but it somehow works...

After reading through the CD-Writing HOWTO I added this wonderful line to /etc/lilo.conf:

image=/vmlinuz
label=Linux
read-only
append="hdc=ide-scsi" # this line kiddies!

I did a 'cdrecord -scanbus' and nothing came up. I messed around in xcdroast (which requires you to be root so I had to issue a "su -c 'xcdroast'" from a terminal window in order to get it open) I noticed that somehow it detected my Plextor IDE cd writer. When I wasn't paying attention, I realized that I needed to type 'insmod sg' in order to load the SCSI module. After fiddling around a little bit more and deleting my old symbolic link of /dev/cdrom and doing a 'cd /dev && rm cdrom && ln -s scd0 cdrom' everything seemed ok. I consulted the xcdroast manual to learn how to burn a CD and I sucessfully burned my first Linux cd in years (which happened to be Gattaca ;)

...soooo good

First of all, I'd like to say OS X is probably the best desktop based Unix OS out there. As far as the "just works" factor goes, it beats anything I've ever seen, but for me, it isn't THAT impressive.

One of the biggest reasons is that it is commercially supported, when you have a big company like Apple putting all it's Software Development brain power into a new OS, what can you expect? It doesn't surprise me that they were able to do it. How many large companies are supporting the development of a Desktop-based linux Distro...*hears crickets* exactly! There's talks of IBM supporting UserLinux, but nothing currently has been released. Of course there's the factor of it using a whore of a license called the BSD license. Which allows anyone to take community supported code, modify it and not having to release the source code. So you basically steal the hard work of unpaid coders and use it for your own profit (sorry, I just don't understand the logic behind the BSD license.) Then there's the biggest reason why OSX is as successful as it is, Apple owns the hardware and the software. This is the main reason why it "Just Works". The list of Apple Hardware and third party hardware for Apple is much more limited than say linux and the 11+ architectures it supports. With all the hardware it supports, it's more likely to fail or crash. Now back to commercial support, third party vendors are also more likely to release drivers for OS X than Linux, which makes sense because Apple takes up more of the desktop marketshare. Though it would make sense if these third party vendors would open the code and let the Linux community figure it out on their own, unless they're hiding something...(aka falsified benchmarks.)

So is OS X so totally sweet like everyone thinks it is? I personally don't think OS X by itself makes it great. It's looking at the whole Apple market, and then you'll realize why OS X is so successful.

I never understood why sluts are looked down upon. To me, they are the true feminists. Why? Think about it, they stand for equality, they want the cock and nothing else. They don't expect you to buy them dinner, drive them around in a fancy car, they just want sex. And what's so bad about that? These "Pheminists" (phony feminists) consider their vaginas holier-than-thou, that you must smother them, buy them expensive dinners, treat them like a princess and expect nothing in return. How is this equality? It's not, it puts women in a superior position. Sluts are a geek's best friend, since they don't care who they screw, they will most likely boink you.

What we should look down upon are whores. Whores use sex to obtain things. Whores will give a boss a blowjob to work her way up, whores want to be pampered and bought things, then they'll have sex with you, but who can blame them? Guys are stupid enough to fall for this shit time and time again, and whores are not looked down upon by society, in fact most pheminists are whores.

So remember guys:

Sluts good, whores bad!

It's probably the worst feeling you can have. You'd think someone like me would be used to it, and I am, but whenever I have the opportunity to be with someone, I take advantage of it, except that I latch onto that person. In most cases, that girl does not have the same feelings for me as I do for them and I end up hurting myself. Now I must return to my normal self and it sucks. For the past few weeks I have felt like going out and doing something, with anyone. Anytime I see an attractive girl, I'll all the sudden feel depressed because I know I can never be with anyone for more than a week. Now it's back to watching Family Guy episodes, whacking off to pr0n, and trying to fix things in Linux.

Not that I can really complain, these three things are the spices of life for me. Has Family Guy ever not made me laugh? No, has pr0n not made me happy? Nope. And Linux? Has Linux ever let me down? Never! If Linux was a female, it would be the perfect girlfriend. A girlfriend that is always there when you need her, and not there when you don't. You can see Linux whenever you want, just by typing ssh. Linux is not a drain on your intelligence nor your emotions, if anything, it expands your mind. Sure I may sound like a loser (which I am), but Linux is the glue that keeps my broken mind and heart together. Maybe Linux is the only thing I got?

It's sad that Linux is my girlfriend, but the more I think about it, the more I don't care and the more hatred I have for society (or so I think.) Why is it that society portrays having a significant other as a necessity? Every where you look, be it the president, TV, movies, it's always about couples. How many great movies have you seen that didn't involve a love story of some sort? (only one that I can think of, Pi) The majority of American voters would not vote for a president if he didn't have the "Family Image". Then there's all the bullshit around celebrity couples. Whenever you watch some TV Show or some movie, you'll always see some depressed guy that just got dumped by his girlfriend only to regain happiness by finding someone else. You never see some movie about a guy getting dumped and then finding the cure for cancer, nobody would watch it, it would be too boring. Maybe it's society imprinting into our pathetic brains that in order to be happy, we NEED someone. Or maybe it's animal instinct. Maybe it's instinct for males to procreate the earth with their seed to as many women as they humanly can. Maybe it's instinct for man to feel accomplished by having a family. I have no clue, and I doubt I will ever find out.

It seemed like my sound card (SB Live!) was constantly skipping in Linux whenever I did anything the required CPU cycles. I had the same problem in Windows 2000. The way I resolved it in Windows was installing the latest Via 4-in-1 Service Pack and update my Live! drivers. I tried setting up linux with Alsa thinking this might fix it but I was unsuccessful and gave up. I then decided to try to update the (emu10k1) Linux Live! driver and see if this would work. I had issues before I recompiled my kernel and I don't really remember the error messages. After I recompiled my kernel I still had problems doing a 'make' because the modules were still in use. I exited out of X and did the following commands:

rmmod emu10k1

rmmod ac97_codec

rmmod sound

rmmod soundcore

I typed 'make' then 'make install'.

Now I had to update my /etc/modules.conf per the README doc. Of course, since I use Debian I needed to add the line:

alias sound emu10k1

to /etc/modutils/aliases

when I did a 'update-modules' I got an error message in regards to 'unresolved symbols' for a via audio module. I went ahead and moved that module to a /tmp directory and issued 'update-modules' and it ran fine. The README stated I should be able to play an audio file and it should automagically load the required modules, it didn't. I issued a:

/etc/init.d/modutils stop

/etc/init.d/modutils start

this reloaded the sound modules and I was able to play audio.

The test was to play an mp3 in xmms and do an 'apt-cache search kernel'. Usually music would skip but it did not this time. I do not know if the problem has been resolved but so far, so good.

Update!

Looks like I still experienced sound skipping, I went ahead and posted the problem on Debian's debian-user mailing list. Most of them said to check out if DMA was set, I installed hdparm and did the following:

turin:~# hdparm -t /dev/hdb

/dev/hdb: Timing buffered disk reads: 8 MB in 3.76 seconds = 2.13 MB/sec

turin:~# hdparm -d1 /dev/hdb

/dev/hdb:
setting using_dma to 1 (on)
using_dma = 1 (on)

turin:~# hdparm -t /dev/hdb

/dev/hdb:
Timing buffered disk reads: 106 MB in 3.01 seconds = 35.22 MB/sec

After I did this, I did not experience and sound skipping when playing movies or playing mp3s while running find and apt-cache search. Yay!

I don't get it, about a month ago I was lonely and in my usual mope mode complaining about not having a girlfriend. I started noticing that girl was randomly IM'ing me, though I was always away. Finally I talked with her one night (online) and it was like any normal conversation. The next night my roommate tells me that "Roommate's Girl" is coming over with "Windsor Girl" (actual names hidden to protect the guil...er innocent). For some reason I guess he knew that I knew her. We didn't really talk that night and I said "fuck it" and left with my friend to go driving. On the way he told me that she was constantly checking me out, I felt a little better. A few days later we had a party and we started talking, it was great, she reminded me of well...me. Now we are seeing each other a lot more often and it's awesome. I still don't understand how some one can be interested in me, and this is my downfall...

I have this weird feeling that something is going to go terribly wrong, and I can't stop thinking about it. Maybe it's my pessimistic attitude, but she'll probably grow tired of me within a few weeks, who knows. I just might as well take advantage of it while it lasts...

I've recompiled my kernel a few times in Redhat (nightmare) and Debian, but never bothered to use the command make-kpkg. After checking out debianplanet.org's howto Quickstart guide to kernel-package. I decided to use it and it was quite an adventure...

Kernel wont compile!

At first, when issuing a

"make-kpkg --revision=8:turin.1.0 kernel_image"

I would get compiles errors, I did a little research and it seemed that kernel 2.4.18 is not compatible with gcc-3.3 (funk dat noise.) So I installed gcc-2.95 and passed the following command:

MAKEFLAGS="CC=gcc-2.95" make-kpkg --append-to-version -200310251 --revision cus tom.1 kernel_image

That allowed it compile, but it still gave errors in regards to making symbolic links. I'm sure this had to do something with the EXTRAVERSION in the makefile but I tried everything and eventually gave up. I decided instead of apt-get'ing the kernel source to just download the newest kernel from kernel.org So I did, and extracted the source and issued this same command...

"make-kpkg --revision=8:turin.1.0 kernel_image"

Wham, bam, thank you mam. Now I gots me a .deb kernel image. I did a...

dpkg -i kernel-image-2.4.22_turin.1.0_i386.deb

from /usr/src and it asked me a few questions. I said 'no' to most of them because I did not want it messing up my install. I reran lilo and rebooted my computer...

turin:/usr/src# uname -a Linux turin 2.4.22 #1 Sat Oct 25 11:10:56 PDT 2003 i686 GNU/Linux

...w3rd

These last few days has been a pain getting Debian to work. This hasn't been the fault of Debian, but my lack of knowledge with Debian.

First thing that I experienced...

LILO

After I installed Debian without a hitch (after about the 3rd time installing, it's a breeze) I experienced a problem where it wouldn't get past LI in the LILO screen, it would just print a bunch of 40 40 40 40 40 40 across the screen. The reason was, I was booting off the second hard drive in the computer. I thought by installing LILO on the mbr would be enough, but it wasn't. After googling I realized that I needed to add these two lines to /etc/lilo.conf: (of course I had to do a rescue boot from the CD)

disk=/dev/hdb bios=0x80

I guess this overrides the default drive mapping from the BIOS. After that, I had no problems booting.

Upgrading to unstable

This was probably the easiest problem I had. I had no clue how to upgrade to unstable from stable. I posted the question in the debian-user mailing list (over here) and received helpful replies. I edited my /etc/apt/sources.list and changed everything from 'stable' to 'unstable' (except security updates) and did an apt-get update then apt-get dist-upgrade. It spewed out some errors and I tried another suggestion. Basically I ran deselect (which I used to hate) did an Update and then an Install the install went seamless but unfortunately I got confused in the keyboard configuration and basically foobar?d it (chose Macintosh usb keyboard since I was using one.) I was pretty impatient and reinstalled Debian and did the upgrade again. This time I left the keyboard config alone and everything went fine. For some reason Tasksel wouldn't work to install KDE3 so I broke down and again...used deselect. It worked fine.

Getting the damn USB mouse to work

I knew using gpm would probably be my best bet to get my mouse working. For some reason it didn't, It didn't help that usb wasn't an option for configuring gpm. After doing a little more googling I found out I need to use the option for IMPS/2 as my mouse. Still my mouse didn't work. After more googling I realized I needed to install the debian package called 'hotplug'. I reloaded gpm and wham, bam, thank you mam, I had my usb mouse working! (Yay!)

Getting X to work

Getting X to work was a biznitch. xf86cfg would run but the damn mouse didn't work! Worst of all, when running 'startx' all I would get is some mumbo jumbo on the frame buffer not working. So I figured changing the /etc/X11/XF86Config-4 from:

Option "UseFBDev" "true"

to:

Option "UseFBDev" "false"

No love. I discovered doing a dpkg-reconfigure xfree86-server and following some instructions from the config file itself changed this. But still...no mouse! I realized later that I needed to change:

Option "Device" "/dev/mice"

to point to "/dev/gpmdata". Sweet! It all werks!

Getting pr0n and music from my Windows drive to work

What better way to celebrate a fresh install of debian than to watch some cdgirls? Basically I couldn't mount my ntfs partition to be accessed by normal users. This became a bitch for about 20 minutes, I finally rtfm'd and read the man pages for mount and added this line to /etc/fstab:

/dev/hda6 /windows ntfs ro,user,uid=1000,gid=1000 0 0

Basically I needed to specify the uid and gid of my username, and away I went!

My next projects are recompiling the kernel (which I have from source but not through Debian) and getting some bass out of my freggin sound card.

God I love Linux!

I was so hyped up this morning, I walked to work getting all sweaty, hot and bothered. I had my Zaurus ready for attack, this morning I was going to ask for Coffee Girl's digits. So I went to the coffee shop and got my normal Caramel Mocha and I started talking to her, she talked about all the hours she works and she brought up taking care of her two kids. I asked her if she was married, I don't know if she heard me or not but she didn't reply. I asked her what else she does other than work, she talked about dancing at some place that I never heard of. I finally brought up the forbidden question, "so, do you want to go out sometime?" She then told me about going through her divorce (game over dude!) ...rejected. She told me I should come to the dance place and then she asked me a terrible question, "you're over 21 right?" I didn't even hesitate, I said no, I didn't want to lie. "Well, how old are you?" "19," I replied. "You're too young!" I didn't know if she meant to go to the dance hall (unlikely) or too young to go out with her.

I knew what this meant, and I wasn't pissed, I understood. "Too young" meaning not financially secure, and with her situation this wasn't a problem. If you were single, working 70 hours a week, you wouldn't want a boyfriend that makes less than you. If it wasn't for her sake, it was for her kid's sake.

I don't feel rejected, I had the guts to ask a beautiful girl out, and didn't bitch and moan when she turned me down. I wasn't that nervous and for this I'm grateful, I'm getting better as time goes on. Although I do feel down, but oh well, if this is rejection, rejection isn't that bad.

Met a girl at the movies
She was so beautiful
She was the one for me
So I asked her if I could call her at home
She said "No thanks just give me my popcorn"
So I followed her into the theater
And found a seat that was right behind her
Smelled her hair, smelled her sweater
And then I touched myself!

-- Nerf Herder - "Feeling Bad"

Another interesting day. Hyped on Red Bull and cigarettes for lunch I was yet again on the prowl. My victims? 2 females this time (!!!) I was bored on my lunch break broiling in the sweet California Sun, I noticed a cute girl in a professional dress sitting on a bench at the park. My friend told me I should put the moves on her, so once my friend went back inside, I started to plan my attack. I sat on the bench next to her, and talked about how hot it was (and this is when I started to get nervous again.) I asked her if it was cool if I sat next to her on the bench, she seem kind of reluctant but I was already half way there before she said ok. She was very cute with an excellent body, I found out she graduated from college and now was working for an insurance company (way way waaay out of my league.) Eventually she brought up her boyfriend (Abort! Abort!) and I knew I had no chance. Overall she was a very nice girl, and I'm glad I had the chance to talk to her. So I went to the corner store to buy cigarettes and noticed a very cute latin looking chick smiling as she walked by. After I came out of the store I had the sudden urge to follow her. I almost turned around but I kept on following her until she went into a book store, as I was walking in she was walking out, she said "hi" to me. Now what was I going to do? I decided to walk out and yelled, "Excuse me! Do I know you?" we started talking and she gave me her name. I started shaking, and it kept on getting worse and worse, eventually she said she had to go and she left. I don't know if she was freaked out by me or she really had to go.

A part of me feels like a creep, I mean, what would you do if a weird looking guy started following you and starts shaking when he approaches you? You'd think he's some cracked out weirdo trying to rape you, and part of me felt this way. The other part of me was full of confidence. I don?t think I've ever approached a woman that I didn't know and started talking to her. For me, this is really practice. I need to get use to women and once I see one I really like, I'll have guts enough to approach her and not be nervous. Chicks really dig confidence and I don't have any. Maybe someday I'll have enough confidence to ask for Coffee Girl's digits...

Life is an RPG

What is my malfunction? Why is it that I always want something I can't have? Is this the Ladder Theory in action? Some girl gave me her phone number so why the hell am I not calling her? Another chick at the corner store always smiles at me and now is actually talking to me (I know this isn't a big deal for most guys, but it is for me.) Still, I'm infatuated with two girls I know I can never have. One, a waitress that sings like an angel, has a great personality, and is well...beautiful. The other, a chick that works at a coffee shop around here and kind of reminds me of Jennifer Connelly (*drooooooools*) the whole smart/shy/hot thing gets to me. I know why I can't have them, because I tell myself I can't. Unfortunately my body agrees as I tremble in fear when I'm near any one of them. Of course a lack of self-esteem does not help either, since my car needs a new engine, I have no way of getting around (and we all know guys HAVE to drive around girls.) So my excuse now is I can't go out with anyone since I don't have a car, and when I get a car? I'll have another excuse (less valid of course.)

So why am I this stupid? Why is it that whenever a girl has some sort of interest in me I have to outdo myself? Maybe it's because I think in my mind that I would be happy with Restaurant Girl or Coffee Shop Girl, I did think of the Park Girl sexually but I could imagine going out with her. I guess I just want to find somebody I'd be happy with and not miserable, I just need to realize that I need to try 'em out and see what happens.

Usually I don't take advantage of three day weekends and end up watching pr0n and waking up each day at 3pm. This weekend was a tad different it started out Saturday night going to my friend's party and getting waaaaay too drunk. And what happens when Paul gets sloppy drunk? He hits on every woman possible, that' s what happens! There was plenty of times when I tried groping chicks and surprisingly I never got slapped. They would just back away and say no. I'm kind of glad they did this and I'm really glad I wasn't stupid enough to pursue them further. Of course I said sorry to each and every one of them and they seemed to understand, lonely geek + booze = not good. In a way I regretted that night, I always feel bad for doing stupid shit like that, and I always remember everything I do. Then I think about it, and it's great, I probably wont ever see these people again, and if I do I really don't care. Sometimes it's great to get all your horniness out in one night, and I pretty much did. Although I did not get any "action", I did get to feel some boobies and didn't get my ass kicked.

So I woke up the next morning feeling refreshed, no hangover, no headache, just enjoying a lazy Sunday morning. I eventually had to go back home and help my friend finish up putting a new engine in an Alfa Romeo (yeaaaa that was LOTS of fun.) Other than that I just relaxed and let the day pass. Luckily we got the Alfa running and we planned to take the two Alfas out to the coast on Monday. It was truly an awesome experience, the weather was perfect for a convertible, and I learned a lot about that car. One thing my friend taught me about driving is that most accidents are caused by indecisiveness, and boy was it true, there were times I was not confident going 60 through 20mph turn and I would be braking and decelerating causing the car to slide almost off the road, which caused me to be even more nervous and more likely to wreck. When I felt in charge I could easily downshift right before the turn and accelerate right through it. You could feel the car hugging the road as it yearned for more gas. Even my friend commented on my driving skill, which actually made me feel pretty damn good, seeing that he used to drive for Nissan. It has still stuck to me what he said, "I've never seen anyone else drive that car the way you do." I felt awesome, and even more confident. Of course that day wasn't without mistakes, one of the biggest mistakes was when we were driving on Bodega Highway and my friend in the Alfa in front of me decides to pass a few slow cars, I follow, zooming at speeds over 100mph my friend signals for me to get back in the right lane as there is a blind curve coming up. I kept on going, I have no clue why, I saw a VW bus straight in front of me, I floor it even more and barely, just barely make it back in the right lane. The car is honking repeatedly, why? I don't know, just to make the situation even worse and cause me to die. During that whole time, I was not indecisive and that's what probably saved me. If I suddenly realized that I was not going to make it, I might of back down and end up hitting the VW head on, possibly making me road pizza. Quite honestly I didn' t give a shit if I ended up dead on the road, but I still had a bad feeling and I didn't know why. It hit me later that night, what if I caused other deaths? What if my stupid mistake caused another car to crash head on and leaving them dead just because I was an idiot.

At the same time I realized a new love, driving. There's nothing like it, it takes skills and it's very rewarding. The biggest thing I like is that I'm in control. Nobody else is telling me what to do, and when I screw up, it is because of me, not some fucker in suit that needs someone to blame. Driving feels so natural to me. It's crazy the things I do, and it doesn't even worry me. I stay very calm and I usually feel in control. I've only been driving for about a year but I've learned a lot. In fact, I hate to say it but...I'd rather drive fast and hard than have sex. And personally, I wouldn't mind dying in an accident. Not to say I'm going to try to kill myself in a car, but if I was going to die, it would probably be nice in a car (as long as it is quick and painless). At least I'll die doing something I enjoy, rather than rotting to death in my cubicle.

Thinking that the last experience with a girl was going to be some sort of farce and never happen again, I have luckily proven myself wrong. Just the other day I was sitting at the park eating a nasty burger from Burger King, I noticed that there was a very cute chick (tall, tan, curvaceous) sitting in the bench next to me reading a magazine. I sat there for a while, the whole time telling myself, "talk to her! FUCKING TALK TO HER YOU IDIOT!!!" I got nervous a few times and almost asked her what she was reading. Eventually I had the balls to do it, she told me it was some photography magazine and it seemed pretty cool. I started asking her random questions about herself and the whole time I didn't get nervous. I didn't shake, drool, pop a boner, nothing! I talked to her for a while and eventually my lunch break was over. I was about to leave and then I asked for her number. I told her, " I don't mean to hit on you, but you seem like a really cool person." So I didn't lie and at the same time I didn't sound like a total creep.

Afterwards I was jumping around like a little school girl showing everyone her number. People were proud of me because they know how shy I am around girls. So will I ever call her? Probably not. Someday I might have the guts to call her, but at the moment I don't. I'm just glad I had the confidence to even ask a girl for her digits. I'm also glad that I proved myself right, the only thing stopping me from having a girlfriend is me.

No that's not want, that's need. I occasionally hear this from some of my friends. I always thought, "what the fuck? Why would someone need a woman?" I think I'm starting to understand it. Not the sexual part (I always knew that, it' s that useless thing called a penis) but the emotional part. Let me explain...

About a week ago, I decided to attend a show at the Phoenix where my friend's band was playing (Life Long Tragedy, awesome band) One of my good friends' invited two chicks along with him, I know them very well (one from grade school.) So after the show we were talking outside and they were starting to get cold. Instead of standing there like a dope, I decided to say something cheesy, "come to the furnace" in my suave voice as I spread my arms. To my dismay, it worked! Before NO V-Day (No Virginity Day) I would think to myself that I should say something, but I would never have the confidence to do it. This time I said it and holy shit, there was a girl under my shoulder with her arms around my back. Now the other chick (who is BEAUTIFUL) was still standing there, I invited her to the Love Furnace and she joined it! Now I had two incredibly hot chicks under my shoulders, man I felt cool. Eventually the love furnace had to part and we went in separate cars to Denny's.

So we ended up eating at Denny's and all I had was a english muffin. I didn't feel to hungry (or spend happy.) Nothing really happened other that a few glances at each other. After we ate we hung out outside, and now, it was even colder (ohhhhh yeaaaaa) and she was shivering. My friend jokingly rubbed her arm and then I went into pimp mode and said, "come on, you gotta me more assertive," and I put my arm around her. She pretty much hugged me (I don't know why, but I love hugs) and we were just holding each other. I felt so awesome, keeping a girl warm while getting some affection. We didn't stay there too long, but for the amount of time we were there it was wonderful. It's been so long since I've had a girl touch me (without me paying her first) and it was the kind of touching I like. I didn't even think of her sexually. Sadly we had to part our ways and she said to ask my friend for her number (yea right) and I gave her a goodbye hug.

At the time I was so freggin happy, I came to work the next day and didn't even hate it. I was actually happy, all I could do is think about her. Of course it eventually weared off and now I'm stuck here. Realizing that I'll never get her, not just because she's way out of my league, but she's also a hundreds of miles away :(

Every day I understand more and more why people need a girlfriend, having a girl by your side can truly be an awesome thing.