Tsk tsk, Hipsters ;-)

The results, surprisingly, are mixed

Why is that surprising?

Uh, I don't see a lot of halfies in your link. A front engine block may be preventing an outright split, while in a Tesla the "engines" are more distributed. Whether this means gas cars are "safer" or not in practice is another matter.

Maybe the distributed nature of Tesla's engines means that side impacts are safer at the expense of front impacts.

Two half-people dying equals one whole person dying.

except on Tuesday during Fizbin games.

Elon Musk can no longer say that no one's ever died in a Tesla automobile crash [because a thief died stealing one].

Don't underestimate the adaptability of a good marketer:

"No owner has ever died in a Tesla crash"

That sounds more like Microsoft Windows

"Chantal Abergel and Jean-Michel Claverie were used to finding strange viruses..."

Is this the modern version of, "It was a dark and stormy night..." ?

He is from Taiwan, not China.

You sure about that? Maybe he lied on that also. Hell, maybe he's not even Asian, or a "he".

No, Microsoft's MIDI renderer is complete shit. Or did you mean on Linux? True, one can install replacements.

The sample being 30,000 years old doesn't seem significant because it's quite recent relative to the history of life, and even primates. The same kind of virus or a close relative is probably still around and the sample age probably has nothing to do with its size, but rather a happenstance of observation in that we tend to study old things harder than we do current things, and thus notice more.

God likes 'em big

If dead people can vote, they can go to war also.

...underwater in a thunderstorm while blindfolded.

I think "YEC" is quite fitting.

Or perhaps:

CRAC - Creationists Rationalizing Age Creatively

Luna 3 was an amazing mission for the time. Give the Soviets credit where credit is due.