UNPRECEDENTED TERRORIST ACT COMMITTED IN NEW YORK
Suicide pilots piloting two planes have practically rammed two buildings of International Trade Centre at a height of 85th storey. These two buildings are known to the whole world thanks to film 'King Kong'. That are the buildings over which the big monkey was mounting.

The buildings are seriously ruined. One of the planes blew up just after the attack. At least a dozen of storeys of the sky-scrapers are on fire.

There is no information about number of victims. More than 50 thousand people work in these two buildings, most of them were in office while the terrorist act was being committed.

According to RIA Novosti, the president Bush is informed about the catastrophe in New York. According to some sources cancelled some protocol actions fixed for the nearest future. His comments have not been received yet.

ONE MORE HIJACKED PLANE IN AIRSPACE OVER COLUMBIA. TROUBLES IN COMMUNICATIONS
One more piece of information has been received, that one more hijacked plane was being observed in airspace over DC. CNN reports that over 50 thousand people were working there. Thought hopefully that is not the number of victims. Telephone communication in the USA works badly. According to NPR John Hopkins, the USA have not need to be considerate with the terrorists.

SECOND TOWER OF WTC FELL DOWN
Recently our correspondent in the USA reported about one more hijacked plane. That was the information of NBC. The second tower of World Trade Centre fell down. NPR compares it with Pearl Harbour.

NEW EXPLOSIONS IN USA
One more report has just arrived through international information agencies' channels about new explosions in the USA. Details are not known yet, though it could not be excluded that these ones were results of the hijacked planes ramming the sky-scrapers. PRAVDA.Ru is going on to keep an eye on the events.

USA READY TO DECLARE WAR. EMERGENCY SITUATION IN NEW YORK
Emergency situation has been declared in New York. Stock market was closed. Manhattan island encircled by policemen. According to recent information, a new explosion took place in Pentagon building. There is fire in the building of Department of State, people are being evacuated. Pentagon declared the high degree of fighting trim for US Armed Forces what means battle alarm of the army and its readiness to start war immediately. The President Bush addressed to the nation appealing for finding and punishing the terrorists.

US DOLLAR ABRUPTLY FALLEN DOWN
According to current bidding, US dollar has fallen abruptly relative to the Euro and to Yena. American stock markets has not started to work yet. Planes are in air to hamper the second plane.

FOURTH PLANE MAKES ITS WAY TO CAPITOL'S BUILDING
All tunnels, bridges and the underground are closed in New York. Unconfirmed information reported by CNN: the '747' fell somewhere in Pensilvania, at a distance of 80 miles from Pitsburg. According to NBC, the fourth plane makes its way to the Capitol's building.

POPULATION FROM CENTRE OF CHICAGO EVACUATED. LONDON PANIC STRICKEN
At the moment evacuation of people from the centre of Chicago is being carried out. London is panic stricken. Here, office workers of one of London skyscrapers in Second city 'Kennary Wolf' were evacuated, Sky-TV reports. In Great Britain flying planes will be forbidden in the nearest future. It cannot be excluded that Great Britain would be second country in the bloody list of terrorists.

OUR CORRESPONDENT REPORTS: TODAY'S EVENTS IN USA CONNECTED WITH PEARL HARBOUR. WAR?
An explosion has thundered near to US Congress building. According to preliminary information, a car filled with explosives blew up. The building is covered with puffs of smoke, it looks like fire has been started in the Congress.

The USA are left without communications, including Internet channels because retransmitters placed on high buildings fell out. Real dimensions of the catastrophe are not known yet. According to the situation with electronic mass media and Internet providers, the catastrophe is more global than information agencies report.

Our correspondent has just reported, that the USA were deprived of telephone communication. According to information spread in the USA, one more airliner was captured in air.

At the same time, some Palestinian sources informed that they were not implicated in the series of terrorist acts, which take place today.

PENTAGON COLLAPSED. LONDON EXPECTING AIR ATTACKS
And now one more piece of information from the USA. A part of Pentagon's building has been collapsed. The country is almost completely deprived of telephone communication. Several TV channels do not function. The number of victims of the terrorist act in the building of World Trade Centre is supposed to be from 50 to 60 thousand people. On the whole, the number of victims in the USA could increase by several times.

At the moment, flying of civil US planes are forbidden. US aircraft is lifted up in air. Besides of military planes, only personal plane of the US president is lifted in air. Accompanied with his guard George Bush is flying from Florida to Washington.

According to US mass media, one of the hijacked planes is flying towards Washington. Militaries are watching closely its moving. It is expected to be shaken down while committing threatening activities.

At the same time, London is panic stricken. In British capital people from 'Canary Wharf' are being evacuated. According to RIA 'Novosti' in the nearest future all flights will be forbidden in Great Britain.

These measures are being taken because of apprehensions of London being attacked from air.

PLANE WITH PASSENGERS SHAKEN DOWN
According to recent report of PRAVDA.Ru correspondent in the USA, airliner with passengers captured by terrorists which was flying to Washington has been shaken down. The information was spread by some American mass media. At the same time people from the centre of Chicago are being evacuated.

RUSSIAN AIR-RAID DEFENCE IS IN FIGHTING TRIM
Russian air-raid defence is ready to repulse possible attacks according to American scenario. That has been reported recently by spokesman for headquarters of Russian Air Forces. "Russian air-raid forces are carrying out and anti-terrorist operation connected with terrorist acts committed in New York and Washington", the headquarters' representative said.

Stephen Hawking is obviously faking his illness. If he really had ALS, he'd be dead by now. He's been nothing but a fraud since the early 60's.

Everyone calls him "the most brilliant theoretical physicist since Einstein" and "the smartest man in the world," but truth be told, he hasn't done much of anything. The little that he has done will likely be found to be wrong if we ever get enough data from black holes to test his theories. People just say nice things about him because he's in a wheelchair. His real genius is realizing that people will believe anything a cripple says. Meanwhile, he's motorized himself to the top of the pop-science world by publishing a couple books really written by his graduate students at Cambridge.

Stephen Hawking is an ugly, demented man, and one of the biggest science frauds in history. None of the science he has published has led to any practical use, and the vast majority of his work is groundless speculation. Don't hold your breath waiting for him to discover the true Grand Unified Theory; that will be found by a real scientist, not some sick man pretending to be crippled. If Hawking's name is attached to it at all, it will only be so the real theorists can better publicize their work. His actual contribution to the theory will be zero.

Fuck Stephen Hawking for being an immoral fake. I hope some British tabloid catches him walking around the beach or something. And, while I'm at it, fuck Christopher Reeve for being a real cripple who gets better pussy than I ever will.

To the tune of Kraftwerk's "Pocket Calculator":

I'm the moderator with my Netscape Navigator
I'm the moderator with my Netscape Navigator

Karma's adding, and subtracting
I'm controlling, and brown-nosing

I'm the moderator with my Netscape Navigator
I'm the moderator with my Netscape Navigator

Karma's adding, and subtracting
I'm controlling, and brown-nosing

By pressing down a special key, CmdrTaco blacklists me!
By pressing down a special key, CmdrTaco blacklists me!

I'm the moderator with my Netscape Navigator
I'm the moderator with my Netscape Navigator

Please clear the spider egg sacks and the pus out of that hairy cunt.

Last time I fucked you, afterbirth and maggots fell out on my dick.

I think I see some termites munching on a petrified fetus skull in there.

-> Yo slut, it's time for a DEEP DOUCHE. <-

Yeah you should really pour some Drano down in there. Get that thick crust off the sides.

It's bad to keep tampons in that long. Four months -- that's too much.

Get in there and DOUCHE that vulva, honey.

--
(The above was my first Slashdot post. I still repost it on occasion, because, let's face it: THE BATTLE FOR A CLEAN VAGINA NEVER ENDS.)

Hello, Slashdot! Here are a few Christmas-time riddles to keep your holidays bright and cheerful!

Q. How is Jon Katz like a yule log?
A. The only useful purpose they serve is causing flames.

Q. What does CowboyNeal have in common with Santa's sleigh?
A. Approximate size.

Q. What do John Katz's underpants have in common with a Christmas tree?
A. Little kids spend a lot of time playing underneath them.

Q. How is Slashcode like an old set of Christmas lights?
A. There's always going to be parts that don't work.

Q. How is the CowboyNeal poll option like a Christmas fruitcake?
A. They might seem okay at first, but trust me: it's only because you don't know how old they are.

Q. What does Hemos have in common with a stocking?
A. They both spend a lot of time rubbing against tranvestites' legs.

Q. How is Jon Katz like a candy cane?
A. They're both curved where it counts, and both get white and sticky after little boys and girls suck on them.

Q. What does VA Software have in common with Christmas decorations?
A. You won't be seeing them two months from now.

Q. How is Unix like Kwanzaa?
A. They were both invented in the 60's, and both are kept alive by leftists who don't know any better.

Q. What does CmdrTaco have in common with a snowman?
A. Spelling ability, lack of genitals, and a simplistic smile which betrays a complete absence of intelligent thought. (Also, both of them usually have a carrot jammed somewhere in their body.)

...and finally...

Q. How is Slashdot like a Christmas wreath? A. Both wouldn't be the same if it weren't for that big hole!

Merry Christmas from the Roto-Rooter Man, Slashdot! Don't forget... this holiday season, douche someone you love!