Are we not men? We are Apple.

A sickening depravity beyond words, beyond recognition. My fingers quivered - I could barely hold my pen to paper; the mere presence of this twisted human perversion was enough to chill my bones. A squeaky phlegm accompanied my nervous stutter, "What, what, how do you even think? What demented trauma's going on in that head of yours?"

"Spam", he gruffly coughed, staring at me through a fisheye lens into reality reserved only for psychopaths and Apple fanboys, an intermittent twitch pulsing his left eyelid, "is not a problem."

Examining Intel's Latest Offering: Socket 5!

You heard it first on Slashdot!

Christ, what would you do with extra servers? Howitzer practice?

Oh. Always bet on Duke?

Note to any sleeper cell insurgents that may be following Slashdot: rocket jumping works perfectly in real life, and gives a definite edge over those pesky infidels.

(security (job))

Hey, Samah. Quick. What's that behind you?

We played dodgeball with bricks. You get good, fast.

For me, it's the total difference in attitude. Back then, I was a kid with no disposable income to spare. Your parents rented you some games from the video store for the weekend and you played the hell out of them. Very seldom did you get the exact games of your choice, so you learned to just deal with what you got. It didn't matter of they were clunky or poorly designed, or if the music was no better than 8-bit blips composed by someone totally tone-deaf who figured the NES's "noise" channel was a substitute for any instrumentation; you were on a holy mission to beat the game(s) within the rental period. Eventually, you even acquired a taste for some of the crappier ones that would later manifest as nostalgia. You'd give anything, any genre a chance. The information just wasn't available the way it is today. If Nintendo Power said it was awesome, you prayed to the greater gaming deities that it would show up in the ma and pa store that had a game rental shelf. If some kid on the playground said "Sega does what Nintendon't", you bashed his head in with a rock. It's just how it was.

Now I just find myself cherry-picking for the AAA titles, going for the well-reviewed games, or even following the PR hype train. Games with glitches like "all enemies inevitably randomly lose the will to live and walk into a wall before arbitrarily phasing out of existence" no longer have the chance to penetrate the market, or our nerd hearts.

In an effort to "one-up" Microsoft, Apple promises to replace their own memcpy() with one that not only does not require a size for the destination buffer, but does not require a destination buffer at all. While Apple programmers call the move "totally pointless" and "absolute proof of functional retardation", Steve Jobs has simply responded, sagely, that the future of Apple development is through so-called "intuitive APIs". It just works.

Telnet's here, boys. What say you now?