Y'know, a "tl;dr" line for every single story would be interesting -- good idea. I'm going to put that is as a feature request. I think that would be a cool thing on many sites, actually; it would be a cool thing if more newsy/texty sites had a checkbox to turn on that feature.
And I wish idiotic clickbait image ads (the "You'll never believe which naked celebrity said you should eat this one weird vegetable
I tell them to turn to the study of mathematics, for it is only there that they might escape the lusts of the flesh. -- Thomas Mann, "The Magic Mountain"