Comrades in Christ,

I object to the term 'everlasting' as used in any form other than describing God Himself. When we interject powerful, all-reaching words such as this into casual, everyday conversation, we dilute the meaning so that our minds can no longer comprehend the intended meaning. Everlasting should mean forever, not 400,000. God is everlasting; these batteries, however, are not.

Your friend,
Jake

My Brothers and Sisters in Christ,

This man is working to remove software which can be used to identify pedophiles, rapists, and other ungodly characters which are plaguing this nation. He should be brought to justice for undermining our government's attempt to keep our land free and Christian. I propose that we take this software a step further, and have it display a random Bible verse on bootup of the device, in order to spread Christ's message to the unsaved.

God bless,
Jake

Friends,

Our children are being exposed to the trash on the internet at younger and younger ages, and it is time to stop. Their bodies grow to unhealthy weights while their moral compasses shrivel. We must restrict their access to technology until they are old enough to handle it. Thankfully, our dual-party system has come together to propose government filtering of the internet in the form of SOPA. This will help parents who are too tech-illiterate to shield their kids from the dangers of the internet.

Your Brother,
Jake

With all the Godless people running around our country doing terrible things, we shouldn't be putting our focus on reaching the heavens--it was tried before with the Tower of Babel and God smited those who tried to reach him! Clearly, He wants us to put our focus here on Earch to do His will.
NASA's budget last year was $17 BILLION! IMAGINE what we could do in our country if we repurposed it for our churches! The Good Will which would be spread would undoubtedly end all crime, poverty, and infidelity in our most blessed US of A.
Your Brother in Christ,
Jake

This doesn't surprise me at all. God chooses for us what we can and can't remember, and it is through His will that our memories come to us in the time we need them most. Yours in Christ, Jake