Too easy?
Apply the patch update and change the options to disable vita chambers. Now death means death.
I scanned through the comments and didn't see this mentioned yet, so...
Check if the processor speed is being throttled. I once saw a laptop that seems to have the symptoms you described - everything going slow, processes taking lots of CPU time.
It turned out something was wrong with the power management and it was keeping the CPU at the minimum speed permanently. Setting the power profile to "Always On" fixed it for a while, but then it started again, so I disabled the processor power management features in the BIOS.
The post didn't mention if this is a laptop or desktop, but even modern desktop CPUs have lots of power states. Worth a look.
Yup, "bad hardware" gets my vote too.
I used to own a generic no-name router, the thing locked up all the time.
I've got a Netgear DG834 now and it has currently been up for 124 days, which is the time since we last had a power cut. I never reset it, and never have any problems.
I tell them to turn to the study of mathematics, for it is only there that they might escape the lusts of the flesh. -- Thomas Mann, "The Magic Mountain"