Migor is wistful surrounding the month of October. It is the month of love, and for Migor, every October is like the entire summer of 1969 every year. But it is not the summer of love, it is the month of love for Migor and Migor alone.

Migor is married for all time to Migor's lovely wife Gigor, but Migor is not married to Gigor in the month of October. So says the law of Migor which is quite explicit:

and so, during the month of love which IS the month of October and not another one of the many months which I do not remember the names of, all marriages that I am in be it One or Twelve or a billion are null and void except until the time when the month of October is completed and not beforehand under penalty which I will determine. I who is Migor who is mighty has spoken

No beast or creature which may crawl or walk or fly through the mighty vast reaches of outer space may disobey the word of Migor which Migor has allowed to be printed here for you who sits upon the puny Earth Internet to read. Such has been commanded by Migor.

And so, Migor does become wistful and flirtatious during this lovely of loveliest of months which is October. This morning Migor did awaken from a hang over upon the battle bridge of Migor's mighty space ship which does fly through space. Migor had been drinking and carousing the bars which are in the heart of the most Trendy nightclub district of Tarvon 14.

Migor did meet a woman who was a bi-ped and who did look not unlike a human. Migor did discover her name was Tina. At this time, that song by the band which Migor does not remember the name of but is called 'Lola'. And when the song reached the part where they sing 'lo-lo-lo-la-lola' Migor did begin to break dance. Migor is so talented at break dancing that if Migor does a back-spin with too much force, black holes are created.

This did impress Tina. The hypnotic movements of Migor's break dancing made Tina become Migor's love slave. Migor then took her out and bought her dinner. Then Migor took Tina to the pet shop and did buy her a pet Asian who was named Mao. Migor then did buy a cage for Mao and the two did laugh at the funny squeaking sounds that came from Mao which Tina thought sounded like a puny Earth language which is called Chinese. This did make Tina laugh more.

Then Migor did take Tina upon Migor's mighty bed and Migor did copulate with the female while Mao did squeak and scream as it did watch from it's cage. This did annoy Migor so Migor did vaporize Mao. This did make Tina cry. So Migor finished Migor's copulation and did vaporize Tina.

At this point Migor was spent, and Migor did look around the room at the vaporized Asian and the vaporized Tina and Migor was pleased.

Migor does command that the word of the day is vomit. When one does read that word, they must throw their hands into the air and should Praise Migor!. Otherwise Migor will be upset. Remember this word, which is vomit and not any other word.

Migor is amused at your puny Earth war. Migor looks down from time to time from the battle bridge of Migor's mighty spaceship upon your pathetic planet, and Migor does laugh.

Some time ago, Migor did have an assistant and that assistant was named Raoul. Raoul did want to become like Migor, but he was foolish and lazy. Migor did have a well in his mighty spaceship, and Migor did instruct Raoul to take buckets from the well and fill up his mighty space hot tub.

Migor did have too much to drink when he did command this from Raoul, so Migor did go and lie down and he did pass out. Raoul then did try to make his job easier while Migor slept. So Raoul did use Migor's great and powerful toilet and did do his business.

Then Raoul did stick his finger down into the passage of his throat, which did cause Raoul to vomit into the toilet. Raoul then did begin to cast an enchanting magic spell upon the mix of vomit and feces in the great and powerful toilet, and it did become alive.

And while Migor did sleep, a nasty poop beast was born in Migor's own mighty spaceship. Raoul was foolish and instructed the poop beast to do his job for him. So the terrible and nasty poop beast did do the job. The poop beast did fill the mighty hot tub. But it would not stop when the job was finished.

When Raoul did realize this, the mighty hot tub was overflowing and damaging the imported tiles upon the floor of the mighty cabana where the hot tub did reside in Migor's mighty spaceship.

Raoul did order the poop beast to stop, but it did not listen. Raoul decided to stop it, he would have to go and attack it with one of the many axes that are placed upon the walls and corridors of Migor's mighty spaceship for some reason.

So Raoul did chop, and then he did chop some more. And he did divide the poop beast into TWO poop beasts. But that did not stop the nasty poop beast. It worked even faster, so Raoul chopped, and he chopped some more, continuing to sub divide the nasty giant poop beasts into smaller but no less nasty poop beasts.

When Migor did awaken, Migor felt sick in the small of Migor's 9th stomach. Migor did stumble into the cabana in Migor's mighty spaceship and then into the adjoining toilet. Migor was sick, and Migor did vomit into the toilet. When Migor was done, Migor looked at Migor's expensive imported tiles in the cabana in Migor's mighty spaceship, and did gasp .

Migor's beautiful cabana was ruined. Migor was displeased, and Migor did find out what had happened. Migor did stick Migor's mighty fist into the chest of Raoul, and Raoul did die. But Migor could not destroy the dozens of filthy poop beasts who were ruining Migor's mighty cabana.

At that time, Migor was in orbit around your puny and pathetic planet. Migor did notice that the filthy and nasty poop beasts did resemble the form of the so-called "Earth Man".

So Migor did jettison the poop beasts upon the surface of the planet you do call Earth. A terrible fire was seen in the sky above the region you call the 'Middle of the East', and from the sky did fall the filthy poop beasts.

And the Earth Men in the Middle of the East did become confused and frightened and they did allow these poop beasts to become the leaders of the Middle of the East.

Some of these poop beasts do instruct the Earthmen who do follow them to fly puny spacecraft which do not actually go into space into buildings. Other poop beasts do try to build puny weapons that make Earth Men have colds or vomit or die.

This displeases Migor, so Migor did contact the so called Earthman who is not the leader of the Middle of the East and who is not the leader of the place you call Euroland and who is not the leader of place you callAsia and who is not the leader of the continents which are in the Southern part of the Earth which nobody cares about, not even Migor.

And when Migor did contact this leader, whom Migor does call DumDum, Migor did command DumDum to use his puny weapons upon the filthy poop beasts who do rule the Middle of the East.

This pleases Migor, as the war does make him laugh.

It is now the time of times where football does go on a puny planet most of you know as being called Earth. Those who do not live on it simply know of the planet as Tard 3. There are 14 planets in the Tard system, and he who lives on Tard 3 only knows of 9, sometimes 10 (though they are so stupid they confuse an insignificant asteroid for the 10th planet while 5 perfectly nice planets spin around their Sun undetected.)

This puny planet of yours has very few good things. One of them is the sport known throughout the universe simply as football. The pure shame is that best sport in the known universe is on such a completely puny planet. A planet so dumb that those who live in the more technologically devolved parts of the planet call another sport football. The smarter ones call that other sport soccer, while the rest of the universe simply calls it pussy go kick the ball you little pansy. As far as anyone knows, Pussy go kick the ball you little pansy is only played on Tard 3 and on Zimtan 12, the most pronounced homosexual planet in the known Universe.

Migor does love football. At present Migor is sitting upon his mighty spaceship watching the Patriots defeat the Chiefs. Migor is somewhat displeased, as Migor wanted to watch the game between the colts and that puny team from the place called Texas that nobody cares about. However, Migor's hyper digital cable system does not get NFL Sunday Ticket, so Migor is stuck. On the Day of Conclusion, Migor shall smite the NFL officials who are so restrictive with broadcast rights to the games, and they shall be forced to dine on their own intestines for all eternity.

At Present Migor is arguing with Migor's wife, Gigor, over the fact that New England does not get the respect they deserve. The Patriots are pounding the living tar out of the Cheifs at this very moment. This is largely a moot argument, since Migor cares little for these teams.

The best team in the known Universe are the Steelers from a pleasant little town called Pittsburgh. When the Steelers do win, Migor is so pleased that Migor allows robots to be developed at the local caveman college they call CMU. Upon the Day of Conclusion, Migor shall reward all the players who do play for the Steelers with an eternity of bliss, including but not limited to Car Dealerships, an infinite amount of get out of jail free cards, and a harem of 100 billion virgins. All who do play shall receive these gifts but one; they one they do call Kordell, for he has given false hope to his people and does screw up at the wrong times. Kordell shall be punished deeply, and will become the resident rent boy in the pit of sadness, a hellacious place of terror and sadness reserved for the Dallas Cowboys and the Oak-land Raiders.

Until then, Migor is PLEASED that The Chiefs may come back.

In the bald light of the morning, Migor did awaken to discover a ferocious band of Hoppaplops had settled in his 7th stomach. The most vicious of all the native tribes of the known Universe, the Hoppaplops were protected by a guilty set of those who make laws, and those who made the laws did allow the Hoppaplops to do whatever they pleased.

Migor did hate them. It is not the fault of Migor that when 100 billion Astro-Years ago Migor's great great ancestors did colonize the known Universe, they did terrible things to the Hoppaplops. For example, they did battle with the Hoppaplops for planets over games of connect four, and they did cheat by spray-painting the checkers when the Hoppaplops were not looking.

And while Migor did sleep, the Hoppaplops did set up a entire colony in Migor's 7th stomach, complete with a post office and a beer tent for the upcoming Hoptoberfest, the ancient Hoppolopian holiday which celebrates the defeat of General Charles D. Serpico of Tarvon 91 in the most ruthless tournament of connect four the known Universe has ever known. In the aftermath, over 100 billion Tarvon men were killed, while a dozen or so ugly Tarvon virgins became known to the Hoppaplops.

According to known Space Law, it is illegal to harm the Hoppaplops in any way, shape or form. Even the mightiest of mighty, Migor, was not immune to this law, which was written upon the ancient Scrolls as the laws of the infallible. There are only 100 of these laws which are enforced by a subspace band of marshals who will explode the brain of any who break them.

So Migor does have to wait for the Hoppaplops to leave his 7th stomach, and in the meantime can only eat the gilded tongue of the Royal Tarvonian Aardvark (Which does cost over t 0.39/lb (approximately 12 Earth cents (according to the latest exchange rates))), and he can only drink ginger ale. Once a week he is allowed a raspberry pop-tart. Anything else would be considered a violation of the law as it might harm the Hoppaplops.

So now Migor does sit in his mighty spaceship blowing up random inhabited planets in frustration of his plight.

This morning Migor did awaken at an early hour. He had to travel to the planet of ChinChin to attend an early morning meeting. This did bother Migor. Normally Migor NEVER awakens early, but he had some very important business that even he, as an all powerful overlord needs to attend to.

And upon the moment he arrived, he discovered nobody was at the meeting, except for a single secretary who did look oddly at Migor. It was Ten hours in the morning, and the secretary did tell Migor that the meeting had been moved until One hour in the afternoon.

Migor then became furious, as he hates to awaken early to fly 4 hours for a meeting that was changed.

"But it was in your e-mail" the secretary did stutter. Migor did not receive such an e-mail. Then Migor did enter the mind of the secretary and he did discover that she had forgotten to CC: him on the change of time.

He then did vaporize her for her incompetence.

This was a meeting that Migor did call. Without Migor there would be no meeting. Going through the now gone secretary's computer, he discovered that there was a last minute change by a vendor.

This was Migor's own foolishness, for he was drunken and tired when the vendor called several days ago.

"Hey buddy!" The vendor did say. His insolence did make Migor seethe. "I really want to demo this new (product name deleted for security reasons) for you. Whatta you say you stop by our offices this Tuesday for a look see?"

The Migor did speak:

Migor does not GO to vendors offices. Vendors visit Migor on Migor's mighty spaceship .

"I'd love to cap'n," The salesmen continued, "but our insurance won't let the prototype out of the offices".

Migor would normally destroy the salesman and eat his soul for such insolence. But he had finished four bottles of Tarvonian wine, he was being lazy, and he did want to pass out.

"Come on buddy, promise me you'll be their"

Migor then did speak again.

fine.

When Migor became sober he was filled with energy and went to destroy the vendor rep, but then remembered he had made a promise, and Migor has never broken a promise.

Now Migor began to glow red in the offices of the Vendor. The pure heat from Migor's rage raised the entire planet of ChinChin 4 degrees. He stood their, waiting, feeling spurned and unimportant until the sales rep did return

"Heya buddy! Been here long? Man, you are going to flip over this product demo!".

Migor then removed the man's testicles from his body and fed them to Reptar. As the vendor looked in surprise, Migor began to slowly disintegrate the mans body, all but for his central nervous system and the pain center of his brain.

At this moment, the corporate sales manager did enter the room. "What are you doing?" the woman asked with surprise and disgust in her eyes as she looked down at the mass of blood and pulp screaming on the floor.

Then Migor turned to her and he did speak:

I AM MIGOR. I am an important client, yet you do make me come out here and blow me off???

The woman did look surprised. "Oh, Mr. Migor, I..."

Migor did Interrupt: THEIR IS NO MR. THEIR IS ONLY MIGOR"

"Yes... Migor... I'm sure there was some misunderstanding"

Migor had enough. He did then teleport him to his mighty spaceship which was in orbit around the planet ChinChin. He did then arm his weapons, and then he did vaporize the entire planet.

Moments later, Migor did receive a phone call from another vendor who was in competition with the vendor Migor had just destroyed.

"Hey pal! I just wanted to check up and see if there was something we could do for you....

Some time ago, Migor was sitting upon the bridge of his mighty spaceship thinking mighty thoughts.

He did look down upon the Internet, son of the typewriter, daughter of Zigor, the 5th son of Migor, and he did ponder and then he spoke:

Behold this Internet, which is not good. It does not have character, it does not have class. It does not have style. It is bad.

And Migor then went to his laboratory for 7 days and he did unleash upon the Internet the troll. The following is a translation of the ancient texts of those days.

On the first day, Migor created the Anonymous Coward. And he said 'Go forth Anonymous Coward and post, for you are the salt of the land. And he saw that it was not quite good.

On the second day, Migor created the First Post troll. He breathed life into the troll and said 'You are the first poster. From this day forward you shall wander the message boards trying to be the first to post, and you shall tell all that you are the first and not the second by proudly saying 'First Post'. You may not always be the first poster, and when you are, nobody but Me who is Migor will care'. These were Migor's Chosen people, but they became lazy and listless. They would say 'FP' instead of 'First Post' as was the word of Migor, and fell out of favor with Migor. Migor did dang them to heck.

On the Third day, Migor did get drunk. He passed out in the hot son and did not awaken until the next day.

On the forth day Migor did create the Goat Sea troll. He said 'Go forth, Goat Sea troll, and tell the Internet users of planet Earth about the great Goat Sea found on Tarvon Prime. The Goat Sea is considered the most beautiful body of water in the universe, and it is known that drinking its water can give wisdom and knowledge.

Migor gave his instructions and then he rested on his couch and watched 'Turk 182' on HBO. His followers were deceived by a man who is the commander of Mexican food. He came to Migor's people while Migor was watching television and had them build a giant man with a giant poop hole out of gold and told Migor's people to worship it. The Commander of Mexican food did not praise Migor, he did confuse those into worship of the Goatse man.

This angered Migor, and he spoke thusly: From this day forward, those who follow the Goatse and do not praise the Goat Sea shall be Marked, and on the day of conclusion Migor will look for that mark, and shall give all who worship the Goatse man a very large poop hole.

On the fifth day, Migor did dock his mighty spaceship at an Intergalactic truck stop. While it was being filled with Space fuel, Migor did use the bathroom and upon the bathroom walls he did see naughty pictures and vulgar sayings. And he did say 'From today and then always, the confused people who write naughty things on bathroom walls shall be banished forever from the public restroom, and he shall be doomed to the Internet.

And on that day, Migor did create the annoying dirty word troll.

On the sixth day Migor did read an article by Jon Katz, and he was angry at the stupidity in his babbling. Migor did not have the time to comment, so he created the critical troll. 'Go and be critical of the editors today and from here on out.' And it was SO then that the critical troll was created.

On the seventh day, Migor had fluid drained from his bum knee.

Migor IS angry. Gigor who is the wife of Migor did leave to attend a conference along the outer rim. Gigor did take all of the servants that staffed Migor's mighty spaceship with her.

Migor did have the runs. He did go into the bathroom and Migor did make a mess. There was no one to clean the mess up, so Migor did have a messy bathroom. It did smell terrible and the seven colors of Migor's leavings were contained all over.

Migor does most of his thinking in the bathroom, but cannot think when it is messy. Migor detests the filth of a filthy bathroom, so Migor did get down and he began to clean.

It took Migor 4 hours, 14 minutes and then it took 10 seconds on top of that to clean. And when it was done it did sparkle. Migor did have the start of a thought and sat down upon his mighty golden toilet and he did figure a plan that he would unleash upon the Universe.

Migor will start his own television network which he has decided shall be named Migorvision. It will not be evil and will have no infomercials. Migor owns all humans and he can take them to do his bidding as he sees fit. He will pluck a man who is known as Sir Charles Barkley who will host all sporting events that Migor will buy the rights to broadcast, including Migor's favorite sport, Oyster Tag which is like regular Earth tags, only with Oysters.

Then he will take a being known as Hooplo who was Migor's bunkmate when Migor was in prison as a child. Hooplo was a nice person, and he is unemployed. Migor shall give Hooplo his own television show which will be called Chicken Talk. It will find the smartest chickens across the universe and they will sit upon couches and discuss the politics of the day.

Finally, to premiere his network, Migor shall hire a bounty hunter who is called Jingle Bella to capture the Earth man Bob Barker who owes Migor a large sum of money. Barker did loose in Poker to Migor and he left without paying up. (Migor is the best poker player in the Universe. The only one who could beat him was the late Richard Nixon).

The show will show Bob Barker being tortured to the point of death every week, and his screams of absolute pain shall be broadcasted in surrounded sound.

Or he will just turn him into a duck.

Migor has received too many questions about his mighty computers. He will answer them now for you.

Migor has lots of computers that run lots of different operating systems. His most amazing feat was installing Windows 3.11 for Workgroups upon a broken bottle of Schlitz beer. Migor's computer prowess is so great that he got the bottle of beer to not only talk with his network, but to get online without winsock.

But the greatest operating system ever made, which Migor runs on the mightiest of his computers, is Gigux. Gigux was the first *nix based OS that would run on anything. Gigux was originally created 700 million years ago by Gigor, who also happens to be Migor's wife.

It is so secure it has never needed a patch. It can emulate any other platform using a built in tenth sense combined with an ancient yoga technique. While technically open source, only a few of the Universe's top computer scientists can understand more then a few lines of its code.

It is by far the most popular operating system in the known universe. It is pronounced goo-gax. Originally it was pronounced Gi-gex, but a war broke out over the people who correctly pronounced it and a smaller faction who pronounced it ghee-goim. Gigor was so upset over the self-important riotousness found in both camps, that she shocked the Universe by creating an audio file, in her own voice, stating The correct pronunciation of my Operation System is Goo-Gax. Everyone involved felt ashamed, and billions of teen-age computer geeks killed themselves in a highly detailed suicide ritual that later became known as Gi-death.

This was fine by Gigor, since she didn't like those folks anyway.

How Migor got to meet Gigor, and her eventual rise to become the greatest software engineer in the history of everything is an interesting story in and of itself.

Almost 1 billion years ago, Migor was chaperoning a dance for his first Son, Aigor. (Aigor was produced asexually and for all practical purposes was a clone of Migor. He was killed sometime later when Migor accidentally bashed his skull open with a sledgehammer). At Aigor's school, Gigor was a guidance consoler, having recently graduated with a degree in psychology from a community college on Tarvon Prime.

When Migor first did see Gigor, he felt weak. Goosebumps did form on many of his lower tentacles. She had 500 perfect eyes, and 500 perfect blue breasts to match. They began to talk at that dance, and the romantic conversation was such sweet music that the band stopped playing. The children were so taken with the new couple's wooing that over half of the female population did become pregnant by the end of the night. (Coincidentally, within a few months a quarter of the male student body died in strange 'accidents' involving shotguns.)

They did become married a month later, and thus began a love that would last through the ages. In 840,000 years they will celebrate their one billionth anniversary. Plans are already in the works for the celebration, which will include vaporizing 1,000 planets with civilizations who have not discovered space travel (as nobody cares about them anyway).

At first, Gigor did become bored. Migor insisted she quit her job at the high school, and join him upon his orbiting lair. She had nothing to do, and she took to watching trash TV. Being the wife of a overlord can be quite dull, so Migor gave Gigor a king's ransom in space bucks so she could start her own dress shop.

While Migor was very good at death and destruction for profit, Gigor was terrible and running a dress shop, and it soon did fail. Not to give up, Gigor then began to study computer science, and after a thousand years and 5 bottles of Tarvonian wine, she did complete Gigux, and has been a celebrated citizen of the universe ever since.

Migor does feel rotten. Migor did drink a bottle of Tequila from a filthy place called Mexico. It did make Migor drunk and he became foolish like a child who was drunk on tequila.

Then Migor became wistful and he did think of days gone by when he was a child. He remembers how he used to run through the fields of blue pepper trees and would hunt the polka dot giraffes so he could feed his mother.

Giraffe meat is the finest meat available on the planet Migor grew up on, whose name you cannot understand. Migor did kill them with his laser spear, then he would clean the carcass with his trusty laser pocket knife. Then he would BBQ them on his George Forman grill.

Then one day Migor was arrested for poaching. This is because many people would kill the Giraffes for their ivory tusks and not for the meat, but Migor only killed them for food and he used all of the giraffe just like the Indians do today. (Note: Migor invented Indians because he felt Euro-people did not have enough guilt).

That is when Migor did learn that the Universe is not a fair place. While in prison he was abused by a mega Sex maniac from Tarvon 12; a creature with over ten thousand members. It was pure evil.

At this point Migor changed his mind. He decided he no longer wanted to be a punk in the mega space-prison. He also did not want to be that poor giraffe hunter anymore.

And with that, POOF!. Migor then escaped with the power of his mind.

The first thing Migor did was build his lair upon a space station which was in orbit in the vastness of outer space. He did steal the space station from some Arab guy in a crooked game of poker.

In that lair Migor did have a giant tank where he kept sharks with laser beams that did escape from their nostrils. All history books concede that Migor did have the first colony of man eating sharks in outer space.

Then he laid down his commandments which are as follows:

I: Humans will be forever stupid and think they evolved from monkeys even though they weren't.

II: People with glasses are stupid Dorks.

III: From this day forward peoples eyes will not be visible in the dark except in Cartoons.

IV: Homosexuals shall be laughed at and mocked until the end of days.

V: People will see an ad for the Insider Pizza at Pizza Hut and they will think it might be good, but instead it will suck.

VI: Roman numerals are retarded.

VII: The center of the known Universe will be a 7-11 in Cleveland, Ohio, and from this day forward everything shall be referenced to 'Cleveland Zero Space' on all planets and galaxies except the one Cleveland is located so they do not get a big head.

VIII: Laughter is not the best medicine. Illegal narcotics are.

And with that the entire universe did change and Migor's pet, Reptar took these commandments which were written upon a cocktail napkin and he did place them in a massive arc which was buried in the lost desert city of Kojazz.

Migor is in a bad mood. Migor is not quite angry but he is upset.

Migor did spend his Saturday afternoon at the block party. He did have many beers and he did sneak into his neighbors house several times to smoke marijuana.

Then he did sit in a lawn chair outside and watched the airplanes fly into the airport because Migor's house is near the airport. Migor does not go to his house often because it is not as nice as his mighty spaceship.

Then Migor did dine on Churches Chicken. It pleased migor. And he sat in the launcher and did eat the chicken, and Migor did drink the beer, and Migor did become foolish and intoxicated.

Then Migor did fall asleep on his couch. He had a dream Where he was at work naked. When Migor woke up he was unsettled. Then Migor remembered he does not have a job because Migor is all powerful. He also remembered Migor does not wear clothing.

But Migors head then began to throb from the pain of the mighty hangover. This bothered Migor. First Migor found his neighbors and disintegrated them for serving Migor the beer and the drugs. He then did harvest their souls and cooked them on the Webber grill in his Neighbor Bob's garage.

Migor had confused souls with Oysters as a good cure for a hangover. The souls did not make Migor better. He still was ill. Migor then did destroy eleven thousand, four and thirty star systems to cheer himself up.

This did not work. Then Migor turned on ISPN ( Interstellar SPorts Network) and he did watch his favorite sport: Oyster Tag.

Oyster tag is a very slow game. It is much slower then common Earth tag, as Oysters do not have legs and cannot move very much. The last Interplanetary championship of Oyster Tag took several millennium and went through several hundred million generations of oysters. The Winner ended up being an Oyster named Tirza who was from Earth off the coast of a place Earthlings call Maine.

Tirza was then eaten, raw, by the officiating judge.

I did shrivel. Migor was gone. He had been trapped. Migor is all powerful for all practical purposes and he is for the most part infallible, he does inflict upon himself cures for boredom when Migor sees fit.

And so Migor was upon the helm of his mighty spaceship, when he did devour an entire plate of soft boiled eggs. This pleased Migor, and he began to ponder his life as a food meal.

Migor did access the onboard computer that sits in one of ten thousand closets within the deep bowels of his mighty spaceship, and his computer consulted him on what the best food meal he could be.

30 seconds later, using only the power of Migor's own mind, Migor was now a part of beef in a slaughter house in Kansas City, Earth. Migor mused at the powerlessness of himself, as he is normally omnipotent. The spell by his own creation gave him no more power then an everyday hunk of cow flesh.

With time Migor was transported via frozen food truck to a place called Bryant's in the puny Earth city of Kansas City. Migor was chopped up and placed in between two pieces of bread. BBQ sauce was poured upon Migor, and Migor was consumed by a vacationing college student from Japan.

Once fully digested, Migor was released from his self-imposed trap. Migor discovered the experience to be only mildly entertaining. Migor then was returned to his mighty spaceship using the power of Migor's own mind. Migor then burped and spoke thus:

Migor is all things falling back upon themselves into infinity.

At that point, and that point only, Migor did consume four thousand, seven hundred, six and twenty capsules of Tylenol PM. Then Migor curled up and went to sleep.

Migor did take a vacation to Tarvon 39. He landed on the surface and his mighty lungs sucked the clean air, and Migor said it was good. And on that planet grew the flower of Tarvon, which grew and dried out only on this one day.

So Migor did take the flower and returned to his mighty spaceship. He took off his shoes and a fragent odor did fill the air. He found his pipe, and lighting it he filled it with the flower of Tarvon.

Soon his vision did become blurred. Then his face did become contorted. And finally he became as a fool and danced and wriggled on the floor of his mighty spaceship. He became as a child and slept.

While he slept, powerful rays of pure insanity were dissipated far into the far off reaches of the universe which came from his distorted mind. There were 12 million and 62 of the rays. Many traveled far into infinity. Others went even further.

And one of those rays landed in the city of San Francisco. The ray had gone so quickly that it went backwards in time to yesterday*. It was powerful, and it burrowed its way into the mind of a circuit court judge, and behaved foolishly.

When Migor awoke, he was ANGRY. He rubbed his eyes and he did speak.

And who is it this man who declares himself to be one to judge? Only Migor can Judge others. .

And his anger was felt around the universe, as every being that had the presumption to call him self 'judge' was turned completely insane. And Migor did laugh a mighty laugh.

will make children pee into cups. I will make the potentates crazy by putting money into the churches. I will cause violence and sadness across the land

And so it was

*note: Yesterday is beyond those who are not Migor.

Migor is unpleased. His favorite possession was damaged in a parking garage in San Jose. The last time he visited Earth was 1986. He took his wallet out and bought a new Saab, and he was pleased.

It was a gift he bought for himself. One he did not tell his wife, Gigor about. It would only upset her. It was a celebration, as Migor had just foiled the work of a man named Seth. Seth had invented teleportation, at least for an Earthling. Migor really invented teleportation in 39243B.C., but he did not want the Earthlings to have the technology.

So Migor infused an insect into Seth's DNA and it ended up killing him. Migor was pleased, so he took a first class jet to San Jose and he did buy a Saab motorcar. He did enjoy the car. Then he parked it at the San Jose airport garage. He had some coffee, then he returned to his mighty spaceship.

Then today, a man who was called Jeff did take a key, and he did scratch the side of the Saab. This did not please Migor. Migor became angry. Migor did not get drunk, but instead psycho-migrated into the body of he who was named Phil F.

Migor found himself in the town that is called Bakersfield. He rented a car and it was driven north to San Jose. He found the man who was called Jeff, and he did punish him. He extracted the soul from the man who was named Jeff and returned to outer-space with it.

Once safe in his mighty spaceship, Migor did cook the soul on his George Forman grill, and served it to himself and his wife, Gigor. And it was delicious.

For Migor so disliked the world, he gave it his only begotten monster; REPTAR.

Migor used to have a cat, and REPTAR ate it. That is how dangerous Migor is. REPTAR was created in the zeta laboratories deep in the darkest corners of Migor's mighty spaceship.

REPTAR breaths fire. REPTAR eats children. REPTAR causes death and distraction wherever he goes.

Migor was pleased with REPTAR. But when Migor found there were no longer any creatures on the mighty spaceship for REPTAR to devour, Migor wept.

Monsters are not unlike puppies. They need wide open fields and an endless supply of little girls to devour. With a heavy heart, Migor loaded REPTAR onto Space Alpha Cosmic Pod 8, and set the auto-pilot for Earth.

When Migor was closing the pod hatch, a tear drooped from his mighty eye, and he spoke:

GO forth and devour the innocent, for they show no glory to Migor.

And now at a hundred zillion AU/hr, the space pod is flying towards Earth, and the citizens of this planet shall know peace no more.

And then Migor was banned from posting on Slashdot. Migor was not pleased. He walked to the battle bridge of his mighty attack spaceship. And under the seat he did find a bottle of tequila.

At that time he did drink of the bottle. He began to be drunk and forgetful. Migors wife, Gigor found him asleep on the battle bridge. She did chastise him for being a drunkard and a fool.

Gigor then saw the targeting computer was locked in on Slashdot. She was tempted by the flashing lights, but she knew she, being a woman had been forbidden to touch anything electrical on the mighty spaceship. Frustrated, she did smash the now empty bottle on Migor's head.

And the blood did fall from his head.

Migor is PLEASED that the creation of the Internet, son of the electronic-typewriter device, daughter of Zigor has been created.

Migor will fly in his mighty spaceship to earth one day to vaporize all of the men on your planet and take the mighty women back to his home planet, whose name you cannot know.

You are all the property of Migor. He will eat your souls if he so desires or cook them in the mighty george forman grill he has installed in his spaceship. Or he will ask one of his servents to cook you because Migor will devour you becuase Migor OWNS you.

As property you cannot talk you are fooling yourself into a false sense of complacency. The communitcation you use on the internet is nothing more then Migor's Son, Zigor, suffering from multiple personality disorders and your voices are the ones that sit inside his head.

This matters not to Migor. He has disowned Zigor, the 10th born of a thousand childern of Migor and his wife Zigor. Gigor still pays for Zigor's rent and she lets him use her Shell gasolene credit card because Zigor has yet to get a job after finishing college.

I was a roomate of Zigor. This is how I met Migor. I have a job with him now, as his voice box instead of the voice box of Zigor because I told him to stop putting words in my mouth.

Now I live in a bunker in the Arizona desert. I am covered in honey and the stings of a thousand honey-bees surround me. But I am saved thanks to the compassion of Migor.

If you are lucky, Migor will turn you into a duck.