..and that's still not enough!!!

The real code to be cracked is exactly what the mission statement means. ;)

You mean, like, Virtual Capitalism?

That's decomposition, not aging. But hey, if you really feel the urge to suck the joy out of life by deconstructing a simple joke in such a manner, please don't let me stop you. ;)

Because technically, death does prevent aging.

...the library of Congress has been known to f*ck people.

Please tell me that this is an early April Fools joke? Please? I'm begging, here!

...are they blazing for Newton Crosby?

Why don't we just make it a Federal crime to elect a fucking moron?

James P. Hogan wrote a sci-fi novel about this back in the 70's, I think. The Genesis Machine. The technology was weaponized fairly quickly -- why use a warhead to deliver phenomenal amounts of energy when you can just deliver the energy?

Saving throw! Saving throw!

Uh, could the press release (from the Hoaxsters, no less) just be more of a Hoax?

... for you see, Revelations isn't a chapter in the Torah.

... but since it only took two transistors and a piece of chewing gum, they thought it best to keep it under wraps.