- The ad says, you offer a quest, said Halfelf to the Mayor. But it does not explain, what sort of quest. Could you clarify?
- It is really simple - shrugged the Mayor. See that hill? There is a goblin on top of it with a grenade-launcher. Periodically he begins shooting at the town. That's, basically, the problem...
- Ok, understood. We must kill the goblin...
- Oh, no! Mayor's eyes widened and he started waving his hands. He can must not be killed under any circumstances!
- Why? - asked Gnome? He is a goblin!
- That's just it! If we kill him, the world community will say, it was genocide and we are all racists.
- So what? Let them whatever...
- ... And send in troops, - gloomily added the Mayor.
- Khm... - thought Halfelf aloud - So, this shithead shoots at you from a grenade-launcher, and you tolerate it and would not hit back?
- Right, admitted the Mayor. Otherwise, we'll be called "aggressors".
- Alright, how about, perhaps, not kill him, but push him out some place far?
- From his hill? Impossible! Then they'll call us "occupiers".
- Catch him and take the grenade-launcher away?
- "Expropriators".
- Lock him up together with the weapon?.. Ok, Ok, don't answer, - quickly added Halfelf, when the Mayor started opening his mouth. - I understand. An interesting case indeed.
- So, what do you want from us? - asked the Princess? Can't kill him, can't disarm him, can't be chased away either — what's left? Counsel him? That's not what we do...
- Oh, no... For counseling we would've called for a psychiatrist. But then, by the way, the world community would've accused us of applying psychological pressure.
- And defiling the ancient traditions, - added Gnome, nodding his head. - Shooting at people from a grenade-launcher is part of goblins' traditional pastimes!
- Yes, yes - said the Mayor, - no you understand.
- So, what do you want from us? - asked the Princess again?
- Deliver a parcel to him, - sighed the Mayor.
- To whom? The goblin?
- Yeah. You see, up there on the hill, there is not much food. In about an hour he'll get hungry, announce a cease-fire and begin negotiations. He does that every day. Demands food, wine, weapons, sometimes other things. And then, we eats his full, proclaims, that the negotiations are at a dead-end and he is forced to resume fire. The world community is very sympathetic — they consider him very principled.
- And if you decline to bring him food?..
- Then they'll say, that...
- Ok, ok, we get it, - Poluelf waved his hands. So, why do you need us — why not send your own?
- We have — none came back...
- What? Did goblin kill them all?
- He claims, he did not.
- Huh?..
- And the world community believes him.
- Erm...
- Then they'll accuse us of provocations. You see, it is he, the goblin, who demonstrates peaceful initiative. It is his gesture of good will. If anything went wrong, it can only be our fault. It is obvious... But you are foreigners, maybe, he will not touch you.
- Ok, - summarized Halfelf. - If we shred the political wrappings, we must take the parcel from the customer and deliver it to client, right? A usual mail-quest. And everything else is your own problem. Right?
- Right, - confirmed the Mayor, - agreed?
- One question, - Princess raised her hand. You are so afraid, that the world community will call you "aggressors", "militarists", and worse — what are they calling you now?
- "Idiots," - answered the Mayor with sadness.