This feels like a mega-spam entry, and I'm very self conscious about posting it, but I'm excited about this and I wanted to share . . .

I just published my third book, The Happiest Days of Our Lives. I mention it here because it's all about growing up in the 70s, and coming of age in the 80s as part of the D&D/BBS/video game/Star Wars figures generation, and I think a lot of Slashdot readers will relate to the stories in it.

I published a few of the stories on my blog, including Blue Light Special. It's about the greatest challenge a ten year-old could face in 1982: save his allowance, or buy Star Wars figures?

After our corduroy pants and collared shirts and Trapper Keepers and economy packs of pencils and wide-ruled paper were piled up in our cart, our mom took our three year-old sister with her to the make-up department to get shampoo and whatever moms buy in the make-up department, and my brother and I were allowed to go to the toy department.

"Can I spend my allowance?" I said.

"If that's what you want to do," my mom said, another entry in a long string of unsuccessful passive/aggressive attempts to encourage me to save my money for . . . things you save money for, I guess. It was a concept that was entirely alien to me at nine years old.

"Keep an eye on Jeremy," she said.

"Okay," I said. As long as Jeremy stood right at my side and didn't bother me while I shopped, and as long as he didn't want to look at anything of his own, it wouldn't be a problem.

I held my brother's hand as we tried to walk, but ended up running, across the store, past a flashing blue light special, to the toy department. Once there, we wove our way past the bicycles and board games until we got to the best aisle in the world: the one with the Star Wars figures.

I'm really proud of this book, and the initial feedback on it has been overwhelmingly positive. I've been reluctant to mention it here, because of the spam issue, but I honestly do think my stories will appeal to Slashdotters.

After the disaster with O'Reilly on Just A Geek, I've decided to try this one entirely on my own, so I'm responsible for the publicity, the marketing, the shipping, and . . . well, everything. If this one fails, it will be because of me, not because a marketing department insisted on marketing it as something it's not.

Of course, I hope I can claim the same responsibility if (when?) it finds its audience . . . which would be awesome.

WEll I haven't really written for a while, though I have kept /. in my morning coffee clicking to see what's going on even though things have dwindled down significantly.

Anyways, I'm just friend right now. Overloaded with work at both my day and home biz. Not to mention trying to have a personal life thrown in there. I've got some things in boxes I still need to unpack and I have to get a bunch of shirts ready for Roller Derby Nationals at the end of the month. Which, thank god, my dad and sister are coming out so I'll have some help at the booth. As at Rollercon I did really well, but had no down time, and I can't imagine my lapse into lunacy if I didn't have any help.

Well, I need to write more, as this helps vent some steam while I'm at work. At work right now with th erest of my group at a conference fro the week in San Antonio. Of which I was completely left out of, no one even talked to me about it. Super fun being excluded by my boss. SO I'm keeping a txt file documenting all these occurances so that I have something to cover my back if something unwarranted happens in the future.

Laters.

Oh and I printed with a fish last night. I'm taking a creative clothing modification class and the teacher brought a bunch of things to spread shirt paint on and press into fabric. One of which was a fish. It turned out looking real cool. So I plan on going to the Asian market and getting some tentacles to press with copper paint into a black hoodie.

Someone stole my scooter this afternoon.

Mother Fucker.

Tons of stuff this month. I'm about to become a homeowner. Well, the owner of some airspace between walls. But I'm super excited. It's in the perfect location that I was looking into, one where I can walk to the cool places, has a great view, and good potential for increased valuation. I should have the keys in hand Friday :)

And my friends brought up in conversation the other day how they thought my ex-bf was gay, and that they didn't even realize we were a couple until the 3-4 time we met. They even asked their gay friend if he was, so they wouldn't make the wrong assumption, and he said that yes he was but doesn't even know it yet.

That possibility hadn't even crossed my mind until they mentioned it, and it makes so much sense. It fits with all the problems we had with the physical portion of the relationship, as well as psychologically with me. How people tend to get into relationships that mirror their parents, well I'm sure my mom is gay and talked to my dad about it and he agrees, and sees the parallel.

Other stuff going on, is that I'm joining up with a ska band to play trombone (and maybe they'll let me sing too). I get together with them for practice tonight.

I just had my min-year review at work and I got in trouble. But for an odd reason. For being anti-social. Yep, for not talking with my co-workers and not fully "integrating" myself with my group.

Funny, because when I'm not at work I'm chatty, talkative and goofy. But put me in the boring world of civil engineering and I'm just fine hanging out in my head. OF course it might be because I'm in a remote office of only 5 people in my team and a total of maybe 20 people in the building. Or maybe the fact that I'm the youngest person here as well as the only woman engineer. So people don't really come to chat me up about their kids and I don't feel like telling them about the jello shots I made for the kickball game the previous night.

That and most of my mental energy has gone into starting up my side business of making roller derby t-shirts. I actually got a gig being a vendor for a motorcycle rally at the end of the month. So if anyone is in Austin for the ROT rally, stop into the 4-day concert that Havana resturant on 6th street is putting on and have a beer and check out my t-shirts.

Engineer by day. Creative Entrepreneur by night. Makes me really busy and wish I had more time to get to the Aikido classes I'm signed up for. I should have more time next month.

Simple tasks like switching between Firefox and Thunderbird are driving the load on my machine up over 4, and if I'm trying to run Amarok at the same time, it drives it up to 8. In fact, my machine frequently climbs up into the 7-9 range, bringing my apps to a crawl and frustrating the hell out of me.

So I've decided it's time to buy a new computer. I'm going to replace my aging Sony Vaio desktop machine (which runs Linux) with something newer that has more RAM, a faster processor, and a bigger hard drive.

The thing is, I'm not entirely sure where to start looking. A quick walk through Circuit City a month or so ago lead me to believe I can get a rather "big" computer for as low as five hundred bucks, which further leads me to believe that if I were to buy something online, I can get a huge pile of RAM, a fast processor, and a big honkin' hard drive for even less.

I run Kubuntu, and use KDE as my desktop (though I occasionally switch to Gnome when I get bored) and I mostly use Firefox, Thunderbird, OpenOffice.org, Amarok, and run PokerStars in wine. I'm looking for something that can do all of that without slowing my machine to a crawl.

Anyone have any suggestions on where to start looking?

Edit: I don't think I have the patience to build my own machine out of individual parts. I also don't have any real loyalty to any particular company or architecture. New Egg has lots of machines with AMD processors, and though I've always had Intel processors because more things seemed to run on x86, that's not as much of an issue as it once was, right?

Yea, I might be getting a kitten. My friend works at a vet clinic and they need a home for a cat that just got done with surgery. See, most people don't want a cute cuddly cat with a physical defect, but dogs get snatched up in a heartbeat if they do.

So I'm getting a 3-legged kitty.

Any ideas on names?

And how to house train a cat... I've always benefited from being around my sisters who had cats and they would take care of all that dirty work like pee abatement and such and I just reap the cuddly benefits of a purring ball of claws and teeth.

Days have been up and down. I guess it was a dream that I had last night that really triggered today's mood swing.

I want to go home, to that home that I find in his arms, with my head buried in his chest.

This is hard, the ups and downs. Feeling that all is right in the world and then yearning for things aren't in this moment.

Saturday I see him again, to sign over the lease. We've been putting it off for two weeks, due to his work getting in the way. I hope that I can hold it together, as I cried as I signed my new lease, and the girl was helpful and went through it quickly, where to sign, where to initial, put the date here and here. 2/10/2007

I think that he's planning to move away after this current lease is up in June, and I really wish that he'd take me with him.

But if he doesn't want to work on the relationship then I know that I deserve to be with someone who does. It just reminds me of a card he wrote me. One of the few cards he wrote. Paraphrasing what he said... that he appreciated all the effort that I put into the relationship and that he knows that we'll work through things and take our relationship to new heights.

I contemplate putting that card into the bag of things that I'm returning to him Saturday. Things that I found of his while unpacking. I know I shouldn't and I'm not going to put the card in the bag. But I have this wishful daydream that if I did, if he read it that he would remember, and turn and fight for us and be willing to make things work rather than running away when things get hard.

I'm such an idiot. I was fine and chipper on Wednesday. Things were good my head was in that win/win space and I thought that everything was good in the universe. Then Thursday, with the high level of stress this week from: breaking up, moving, getting the new place clean for a housewarming my friend is having for me Saturday, contract deadlines at work & making and shipping promo shirts for my side biz. Ya, I'm a bit frazzled. I've messed up my new apartment number a dozen times, transposing numbers. Asking the apartment office lady why my mail key doesn't work...evidently I tried it on the wrong number, mine was 3 down. And when I was switching the electric, I messed up the street number, luckily it turned up an error in their system and I got it fixed to the correct one.

So ya, Thursday I was supposed to meet up to change the name on the lease for the old apartment, but he was stuck at work and had to postpone. So like the little misguided caretaker that I am, I made up the excuse that I was heading over there anyways to pick up a package so I'd take out th edog to pee. Yes I had a package there (it could have waited another day easily) and yes he was appreciative as he ended up eating dinner at work to finish up the project by the deadline.

But fuck, why do I have to be so overly helpful and do things that others should be doing themselves. He choose not to have me as a partner right now, so he shouldn't have the benefit of me there to watch his back and help out.

So ya, I got all emotional as I walked into the apartment to get the dog and put the mail on the table. Thursday was the first time I had cried since Sunday. I thought I was doing pretty well. I guess the emotional roller coaster is to be expected in this case.

I just wish that this limbo was over. Because I feel like I'm not really in a relationship, but I'm not really out of one either. Blah.

Sorry to all the nay-sayers, but I pretty confident now that multiply isn't going away. I already find myself going to that page before slashdot. I'd suggest picking it up, just so you have an ID there and are associated with it in case we don't come back.

Here's me as a starting person to be joined to. Make sure you give me you /. id when you join, though.

FYI - I've requested to the site a way to grab /. historical journal entries, and they are considering it (they already have this feature for blogger, blogspot, etc...). I'd also like to see cross-posting for those too stubborn to leave...

Yep. Like everyone else didn't see that one coming.

So we're playing it by ear; taking some time and space apart to grow and see where life leads.

There alot of tears on both parts, but it will be the best for both of us in the long run. Either building a stronger relationship between us in the future or stronger individuals due to this learning experience. So it's a win-win. A hard thing to wrap my head around at times, but under it all I know it's the right thing for this moment.

So I'll be focusing on starting up my new side business and re-learning how to rollerskate.

After serious consideration, I'm probably going to move to multiply, myself. My id was created a couple days ago (same ID as here), but I think I'll actually move journals over to it.

Most people that aren't on ask "what's so sexy about it"? The answer is it does everything we do here, plus a lot more (pictures, music, etc... but not terrible like myspace). The things its missing? The front page.
Now most people feel like there will be no more growth in the /. circle, which I feel is incorrect. The growth will be probably the same, but the reason will be different.
Right now, growth comes from a new slashdot id that stumbles onto us. We have lots in common, cause, most likely, the new person is a geek like the rest of us.
In Multiply, the new friends will come from other friends friends (follow that?). Basically, I'll become a friend of one of blinder's friends. Since blinder and I have a lot in common, his friend will, most likely, be compatable with me, also, so then the circle grows. Its just as open ended as the growth we have here, even more so, especially in the beginning.

I'd suggest everyone getting an ID, and start friending everyone up. I'd also suggest setting up your messages to only get the 'daily' email, not new emails for every little thing (as that is annoying as hell). Maybe do a weekly thing, who knows. Anyway, I'll still be around here, but probably not many more journals (especially since my journals have fallen off)...
Oh, and its easy to keep in touch with those that DON'T move there, as you can setup an RFF feed for your friends' journals here...

I got another ass kicking last night. Did legs and partially back. The leg squats really kciked my ass (on the hammer-strength machine, 3 sets of 12 forward, and 3 sets backward). Calves and hammys I did well on (especially calves). Then we started on my back. While working on my lats, I started getting light headed... stomach started to ache. I had to constantly take breaks. The PT asked what was wrong, and I told him the light headedness. He asked when I last ate (this was at 5pm), I told him lunch at 11:30. That's when he said "Don't move, I'll be right back"... within a minute, I was on the floor barely concious. Another PT was keeping me awake until my guy returns with a shake. I was seconds away from passing out. So a lesson to learn, here:
Always have a snack before going to the gym! (Yes indeedy! I'm a stupid idiot!)

Anywho, the bicep sprain wasn't a sprain or a strain, just a really sore muscle. We worked it out and its fine today. I must be favoring the right side too much when working on my arms...

Yesterday I went in and told the PT that initially put me on a workout that I want to ramp it up. He asked if I want to get 'big'.
Sure.
Ok then...

And then... he proceeded to fully kick my scrawny little ass. Spent an hour just on biceps, chest, and abs (lots of 'hammer strength' machines, which are machines with freeweights on it that NFL/pro athletes use, then lots of freewieghts. The only 'simple machines' we used was for me to work on my biceps one at a time). I was in agony. He set goals on what I was to do. Then he told me to lay off all the cardio. I do 30 minute cardio on Sun, Tues, Weds when I'm lifting, and 60 on MWF when I'm not. I'm supposed to do 60 minutes a week, and that's it. Plus the way he's working me out, I may not be ready to go at a muscle group after 45, so I'm supposed to work out a muscle group until I fail (then I know I've worked it to the max), and pick another muscle group the next day.
Monday we work on quads, hammys, calves, and tris. The triceps should be the only ones that give me a ton of trouble, as I used to run track in high school, and still have pretty large legs...

I've been good about going to the gym (except for when I was sick). I lift on Sundays, Tuesdays, and Thursday, then spend M-W-F on cardio (I still do cardio on the days I lift, just not as much). I leave work at 4:30 and avoid the rush at the gym (though its starting to taper now that people are quitting their New Years resolutions). I'm finding it difficult to keep my heart in the cardio zone on the treadmill. I have to actually work to keep my heart pumping for 45-60 minutes a day. Holy hell, I'm actually somewhat in shape! I actually requested to take the whole family out grocery shopping right after my workout, cause I had trouble settling down and relax. I ended up wearing everyone else out, but I still had energy to burn...
I don't LOOK any stronger, but I definitely FEEL it. My abs are starting to show, much to the wife's delight (though I think she's waiting for my biceps to increase in size), which I haven't had since early college. Unfortunately, seeing them come through, I've been overworking them a bit...
When I ran track back in college, I always had issues with my calves. They used to call me popeye on track, because my calves were always larger than my quads/thighs. At night, I'd always wake up multiple times cause of muscle cramps in my calves... I'd spend a good 15 minutes working out the cramp to get back to bed. Last night I actually work up with muscles cramps in my abs. Talk about uncomfortable.

Anywho, I'm still on it and starting to feel the effects. When I have washboard abs, a descent chest and some guns, I'll post pics ;)