Actually, it's well within Google's power to break up the EU. The EU is creaking and buckling at its seams in several places. Google would just need to give it a few gentle pushes in the right directions.
For instance, the UK already has one foot out of the EU with its UKIP anti-EU political party, which is eating away at the UK Tories base on the right. Google just needs to dish up the right stories when people in the UK google. Like, the story about how the EU parliament wants to create an EU standard for breakfast: One cup of muddy coffee, and a mushy half-baked croissant. Baked beans before noon will be banned. Bacon and eggs, as well, since they exploit farm animals: the chicken participated, but the pig was committed. If UK folks are constantly bombarded by stories like that when they google, they will all vote "out" in the upcoming UK-in-the-EU referendum.
The economies of the southern EU countries are basket cases, and the northern countries are sick and tired of working hard and paying exorbitant EU taxes to finance those lazy southern folks, who spend their whole day farting around in cafes drinking tiny cups of coffee. Google could put a few drops of napalm on that fire. First Italy. Google could kill the Pope, and reveal a scandalous relationship between the Catholic Church, the Mafia, and the Italian government, and that the whole Italian economy is really just a Ponzi scheme, and that Italy is bankrupt, and needs a mega-Greek bailout. Google could hire Amanda Knox to take out the Pope. She's tanned, rested and ready.
Google could upset Greece's fragile economic recovery, by posting a false story about the Greeks staging a general strike that paralyzes their country. Oh, wait. They did do that. Let Ms. Palin and I get back to you on Greece.
Spain's economy is also on the ropes. So how can Google finish it off? Hmmm . . . a long time back . . . we had this nasty Spanish Flu. Now we have Ebola. Simple. Google can spread rumors of Spanish Ebola Flu that is carried by visitors from Spain. That ought to shut down Spain's economy really fast.
The backbone of the EU is the uneasy France/Germany alliance. But the French are tired of having to do what Germany tells them to do, and the Germans are tired of paying for the French to take early retirement. So Google could post two other stories. First to pay for French early retirement, German citizens will now be required to continue working after their death. In other words, in Germany, you will be allowed to retire two years after your death. That, to finance the folks in France who retire at 45. The second article will detail that, obviously, the French are not listening and doing what the Germans tell them to do. To assist that, all French households will be required to quarter for free vacationing Germans in France. This will provide an informal mechanism for Germans to tell the French what they think what they need to do at the breakfast table. Float these two stories for a bit, and the Germans and the French will love each other like two cats shaken up in a pillow case. End of EU.
So how can Google rattle the EU relationship with the Scandinavian folks? Hmmm . . . let's start with the Norwegians. They are richer than you or I will ever be. They made butt-loads of cash with North Sea oil. But instead of squandering it away in useless Gulf State building projects, the Norwegians invested all their cash very wisely, so generations from now, the folks in Norway will be enjoying the fruits of those investments. Because they did very well for themselves, this is a perfect opportunity Google to foment envy and greed in other EU countries. Oh, and the Norwegians are kinda sorta weird when it comes to festive meals. While Americans like to stuff a turkey in the oven, the Norwegian version is a wee bit different. They stick a pike in the ground in the backyard, and skewer a sheep's head on it. Then they take a blow torch to the head. Medieval-like. Finished. Dinner is served. The eyeballs supposedly taste really good. I wouldn't know.
Maybe if Google posted disinformation stating that they blow torched a whole live sheep, other EU countries would get squeamish. Or scared to death of the Norwegians.
Now them Swedes, next door, they put rotten fish in soup cans. The gas generated from the purification process swells the can until it takes the form of a grapefruit. But there is a better way to get the rest of the EU folks riled up against the Swedes. Google should feature a poll: "Who has a Billy bookshelf?" Then, the next week: "Who has another fucking Billy bookshelf?" . . . and then: "Who has another god-damned fucking Billy fucking bookshelf?" People in other EU countries will realize how much time that have spent navigating labyrinths of plastic kitchen crap, which nobody wants, because nobody needs. Sweden gets the boot out of the EU for crimes against humanity, and making me look at spaghetti tongs, instead of a football game, on a Saturday afternoon.
So, yeah, Google . . . don't let that EU parliament annoy you: They are over-payed and under-worked. And that's the one semi-serious statement in this post.
