-I had unprotected sex, I should go get a clothes hanger stuck in me in some back alley, and die of an infection if it doesn't work
No, you should go pay for your own abortion, or put the kid up for adoption.
-I had kids I can't support, they should be forced to live a life of squalor and misery for my mistake
No, you should put them up for adoption, or have your friends and family help you out, or figure out how to support your kids.
-I'm an addict, I should continue to spiral downwards until I die in the streets
I'm kind of with you on this one, I'm fine with paying for rehab for those who can't pay for it themselves, at least until it becomes clear that it's not helping and they're just going in and out of it, at which point it's probably better for them and society that they die as quickly as possible.
-I made shitty choices and now I'm poor, I should be forced to turn to crime to avoid starvation
Or you could just figure out how to get out of the situation you put yourself in, using any of a myriad of available options.
-I have a $25,000/year job but can't afford my mortgage, the government should watch the entire economy go down in flames rather than help me out
The economy isn't going to go down in flames if you can't pay your mortgage.
-I'm a bank and I've made a catastrophic series of worthless investment, the government should stand aside while others suffer horribly for my actions. Meanwhile I'll retire in luxury, since I've already collected millions in bonuses
If what the bank[er] did was legal then, yes you get to go retire in luxury while hopefully the loopholes that allowed you to do something so catastrophically stupid are closed.