I listen to music, and I play it, thus I am a musician. Also a music geek.
I watch movies. I am NOT a "movie guy" or a "movie afficiando" or a "movie snob."
I work in IT, and thus am a geek. Just browsing the web doesn't make me a geek.
My sister drives a car, but that doesn't make her a gearhead or mechanic. I read car magazines regularly, participate in forums online about cars, and do a bit of work on my own. Thus, I am a gearhead, and she is not.
When I say "gamer", I do not mean just "a person who plays video games." I mean "a person for whom playing video games and participating in the associated subculture is a significant hobby." You know - I play an occasional game, but I am not a gamer. My roommate is a gamer - he subscribes to EGM, reads IGN regularly, and spends hours a day gaming almost every day. He can tell you things like what cool new game is coming out, or what spiffy technology is behind it, or what the cheat codes for GTA4 are off the top of his head.
So, while your polite and well-meaning comment is understood, you're taking it the wrong way. The term gamer isn't used in a derogatory manner, at least that I know of. Human beings categorize things to make them easier to understand. As intelligent (I hope) /.ers, we are aware that each individual is unique and blah blah blah, but we are still going to categorize. It's the way our minds work.
If you don't like the term, try and start a new one. However, it's fitting and apt, thus I think you're out of luck. After all, no matter what you do, "fetch" isn't going to happen.
PS - Listing two games I've played in the last 6 years hardly qualifies as a "bunch." And I pick up on things because I'm not an idiot and I have a gamer for a roommate.