Immortal space turtles just sound amazing.

Only if we can teach them Ninjitsu. Because that would be epic!

the propeller noises to the jet in "Airplane!" ?

I am quite sure that was done on purpose. You know, that was the joke...
Perhaps they should have just used a whooshing sound instead.
(For the humour impaired, the whooshing sound is the sound of the joke passing right over someones head.) :)

1) A healthy mix of fresh vegetables (a lot), dairy products (some), and proteins (some meat, fish, eggs)
2) It tastes good
3) I really like eating it

The problems with your plan, (For me at least.) I hate vegetables. They taste terrible to me. The very few Veg that I do like are all high starch, potatoes, corn, etc. Also severely lactose intolerant.
Honestly a choice between a salad and going hungry, I am going to have to think about it for a while.
So #1 pretty much eliminates 2 and 3.

So what mostly works for me is lots of meat, eggs, some fish, as much as I can of what veg I do like, and a multivitamin every day. Along with a heck of a lot of walking. (Over 5 miles a day, average.)

According to my doctor, I am disgustingly healthy.

Protip: Never, ever drink water if you just ate something that was "too spicy". Capsaicin isn't water soluble, so you're just spreading it around with the water, making it burn even worse. Try whole milk or ice cream instead. Much, much better.

But I'm lactose intolerant you insensitive clod.
I just avoid spicy food. :)