Finally graduated to a postpaid wireless plan. All the good shit was taken of course, but I managed to get xxx-FRAK, so I got that going for me, which is nice.

So, apparently there's a lot of hubbub over the national hotline for Obamacare translating to the above epithet.

Now, I thought the idiots hyping this up were conveniently leaving the last digit out in order to preserve the joke, and fair enough.

But then I come to learn that the telephone number actually contains the number 1 in the prefix, so that the transcription would more accurately read 1-800-F1UCKYO.

And again, I'm a charitable man, so have your yucks where you can get 'em, but make sure to get in and out quickly and cleanly. If you get to the part where you have to explain that the joke only works when you rearrange the digits, all they'll remember is that you can't tell a joke.

Any truthers still left out there?

Ya fucking morons.

I think he gave away the whole game in that one sentence, and his meaning is clear: The interception, collection and storage (not to mention collation, reproduction, distribution, analysis and many other important sounding words Iâ(TM)m forgetting right now) of untold millions of petabytes is simply a byproduct of whatever it is that the NSAâ(TM)s really been up to these last few decades.

It would be irresponsible to speculate at this juncture, but consider that whatever the NSA is truly doing, it is of such horrible provenance that theyâ(TM)re willing the coverup to be âoeWeâ(TM)re running some fairly comprehensive Police State shit on your ass.â

And a hearty Rot In Hell for Maggie.

Honestly, fuck all you fawning, simpering retards who've never set foot in Blighty. Except for a 5 minute period in 1982, a minimum of half the country has always hated her guts, and for good reason. So unbunch your panties already.

Oh, and, Trifecta is in play (only reason I posted this damn thing.)

While I agree it seems a little short-sighted to give "everything" to JJ Abrams and/or his production company, pretty much everything else on the FP thread about him and Valve teaming up is just fucking useless. While I'm not going to hold up Super 8, Cloverfield or even the Trek reboot as masterpieces, the sheer fucking entitlement, whining and nose-holding regarding the news is just awe-inspiring to behold.

And here's the thing. I read a lot of internet crap in the course of the day, so I've seen a ton of editorial and commentariat content on this news already, from a variety of different websites, each with their own style and community, and nowhere on any of those will I find anything close to the retardery here.

So, why am I here again? Can't think of any bloody reason really.

Y'all have fun, and feel free to drop me a line if you want, but fuck this place. It's not even worth the handful of half-assed visits I could muster up lately.

As a Canadian, I am fucking disgusted and appalled at our recent No vote at the UN.

Bad enough it's a shitty decision, but worse yet, when lumped together with the other No voters, the list looks even more pathetic than "The Coalition Of The Willing" one did. I didn't even know that was possible.

I think my favourite thing about this whole Benghazi fake scandal is the apparent assumption by conservatives that the Diplomatic Corps should not be behaving in any kind of diplomatic fashion whatsoever.

This is how bad it is now. At some point a couple months ago, either /. or FF logged me out for some reason, and I literally couldn't be arsed to log back in. I checked in on the FP a few times a week, but it's as bad there as it's ever been. Paid trolls? Check. The first hundred or so comments containing nothing but moldy humour and politically retarded geeks? Check. The other half of the thread containing pointless, nitpicking digressions? Check.

Here's something interesting: According to a recent audit, I am part of the 1%. I'd been suspecting this for a while now, but to have some fussy accountant reveal your worth in 7 specific figures is another thing.

Mind you, that's all paper. Give me 30 days to liquidate, and I doubt I could break 50K. Still, nothing to sneer at, especially in these times.

Then again, contra Churchill, I've only gotten more liberal as I've aged, so I sleep well at night. There's never been, and never will be, any of that Galtian bullshit at any of my businesses. Oh noes, I'm only a paper millionaire because I believe in responsible work hours, comprehensive benefits, generous vacation time, and ridiculously competitive pay packages. Give me a friggin break.

Apologies for the shitty grammar. Apparently this new JE interface is even worse than I thought.

Dick Clark isn't dead, because Dick Clark can't die. They just ran into some temporary problems during a scheduled reboot.

Most men will spend years, sometimes even decades, convincing their ladies to perform outré sexual acts.

As for me, it was trying to convince my wife to watch a DVD...with the commentary turned on.

So, as of Thursday night, success! We both thoroughly enjoyed Aliens, with has a nice 'blended' commentary track, involving Jimmy Cameron himself, ex-wife and producer Gale Ann Hurd, the venerable Stan Winston, along with a couple of FX leads, and rounded off by a quartet of Colonial Marines.

Sadly, no Sigourney Weaver, but honestly, she wasn't missed. On a related note, someone needs to give Michael Biehn, Bill Paxton and Lance Henriksen their own podcast. Great energy from those three.

After almost 7 long, painful years, my quest seems to be finally at an end.

In another couple weeks, I will finally be unemployed.

Sadly, that state of affiars won't last long, nor to my liking. I was hoping to find a nice boring regular job type job, or perhaps even consider staying home and be a domestic goddess, but it seems I've become far too valuable for that.

Which is a shame. I always took a certain amount of pride and happiness in being a regular working schlub, and well, I miss not having that, nor the future possibilty of it happening again.

Little Erick, in the throes of almost year-long deep depression, asks this question:

Have conservatives entered a suicide pact? Has the Republican Party, as a whole, done the same?

Yes, Erick, you have. This is what happens when you spend decades paying lip service to fundamentalism and oligarchy. This is what happens when you think labeling at least half your countrymen as traitors and subhumans is good strategy. This is what happens when you switch to the alternative fuels of hate and fear without doing any of that icky science beforehand to see if it was even a good idea in the first place.

And it's not like you haven't been warned, by no less than the people who originated some of these modern GOP tactics and strategies, that this would end up biting you in the ass. But since you've spent most of the last 40 years winning, you ignored it. But what you need to do, once you get your asses handed to you next year in an election that was only ever yours to lose, is sit the fuck down and do nothing else but some really hard thinking and soul searching, because shit like this

We do not have anyone on our side making the moral case for the free market.

The problem is that candidate, Jon Huntsman, decided to launch his campaign by giving conservatives a middle finger as he raced to get on The View.

we would be crazy not to reconsider Perry

It is hard to dislike a guy who can filet his opponent with a smile and a side of fava beans and a nice chianti.

...shows that you have zero clue of what the problems you're facing are.

Long time, no write. But I've been a good boy this year, kept my mouth shut and my ass out of trouble. So what I really, really, really want for Christmas this year is for Newt Gingrich to win the New Hampshire primary. The margin doesn't matter so long as he comes out on top after the voting.

Yours in Coca-Cola,

Captain Splendid