I have some limited ability to use the computer again, so I'm gonna write something. I have no will to write, but I'm going to. I need to.

I am dying at school. I've screwed up, and I continue to screw up there, and I cannot handle the pressure of the whole situation. I hate 90% of the people. I do not understand the teachers. I cannot understand most of the decisions made by the administration. I cannot handle the constant reminders of how I've screwed up.

I am an avid reader of online comics. I read all the standard Gaming strips (Ctrl-Alt-Del, Penny Arcade, VG Cats), some geeky ones (Userfriendly, GPF, Nukees), Some more general interest ones (Sluggy Freelance, Sinfest, and this bizarre little one called Sacred Pie), but the vast majority are love stories. Bad love stories. 90% have the basic premise of "Boy is geek, Boy meets girl, Fall in love, but never tell each other." it's sad, really. I'm sure I'm imagining everything I've seen with G1

Grades came on wednesday, which is why I haven't posted. My grades suck, though they sucked worse than I thought they had...

Best christmas present my school could have given me, grounding and thoughts of suicide. I had been planning to go on a date with g2, but that's looking hard to do. Without my computer or video games, I don't really know what to do. I'm not much of one for the phone, so I don't know any of my friends phone numbers to call them.

In latin for the moment. My shirt is wet. The EB had a mini super-soaker that he was squirting at people. I play acted play acting mad, so that he wouldn't realize what an ass I think he is.

G2 is getting scared, I think. She's been clinging, which I don't like. But she's also been getting more physical, which I do. J says that being physical with women is the trickiest part of a relationship, which is about the only bit of his dating advice that I'd agree with.

Subject: Let me be with you

(g1),

I love you. You're everything that anyone could ask for. Just so you know, in the dark hours, that you're special and someone cares.

Another blog entry today, because I feel like it.

I've decided, after study hall, that I'll have to just say something. Make it anonymous, but make it guessable. Include a calling card: Something that may let her guess, but not something freaky.. I don't want her to think I'm a stalker: She's had a problem with that. I'm thinking of referencing chobits: It's a common favorite.

G1's finally gone from across from me in study hall. I can't get over her. Why I can't I can't fathom, but she just keeps running across my mind.

I didn't write yesterday. I probably should have, but I couldn't see a reason. All of yesterday was dreading school and trying to drown the anticipation all that would be due today in games.

Today was one of those "Uber" days. Truly awesome.

The start was kinda crazy. I drove to the mall, where I got Christmas presents for my family. "Princess Diaries 2" for my sister, "Rush Hour" (the silly puzzle game) for my little brother, "The Dark Tower" for my Dad. My mother's tea chest may not get here though... I'm gonna keep hoping.

R has been throwing herself at me. I'm really not interested. She's a nice person, but.. I don't know.

I hate how high school has become a babysitting service. You crawl your way up on mounds of homework for an "A" to get into a good college. None of the teachers begin to teach anything. What you may learn you learn from asking around and from researching yourself to try and keep up with the tests and homework. Class periods are spend trying to stay awake while the teacher wastes time.

Again in study hall. Packing up... I've got sci club this afternoon. Have I mentioned how g1 seems to run when g2 is around? It's really annoying. G2 is nice and all, but she's throwing herself at me too much...

What I really need to find is whether it's worth perusing g1 over g2, and whether I can convince myself to the result.

What is now yesterday has passed without an entry.

It doesn't feel like yesterday to me. I woke up at 6:20, as usual, but I went back to sleep before 7 because I was sick. I'm much better now.

Today hasn't been a good day for my thoughts. G1 totally ignoring me at a couple points (And I don't know why), g2 telling me, of all the odd things, that RS is hot, three tests... I've been cut off from sanity. As it is, I've got a huge lab report to do and two major projects to start.

Yesterday's blog was not some of my best work. I was angry and upset at the time. What I said was true, but not the whole truth. But what is the whole truth?

Truth is a nebulous concept. I find myself constantly questioning it. To many, it is the truth that abortion is immoral, but to others it is the truth that denying the right of choice is immoral. Perspective affects truth.

Why can't my parents listen? I've been telling them for years I cannot survive this school system, and they keep sending me back. It's partially my fault: I want to try and live a normal life, but every year it becomes apparent that this will be no different than the rest and they force me to stick with it. Nothing is worth this. Not sex, not money, not even knowledge (not that I would get it here) is worth going back to the slog tomorrow.