Now I lay me down to sleep
A Bayesian filter at my feet.
Drive away the Paris flicks
And likewise all the great stock picks.
Let angels guard me from The Bat!
Let bogus Ebays all fall flat.
From virii keep me clean and pure,
Let me not Banned CD's endure!
O smite the Patch Folk with thy wroth
And let their penii all fall off.
Defend me from the diett pills
And other remedies for my ills.
Expose to view the Visa fakers,
Likewise the dubious Ponzi takers.
Bless all the dear Nigerian folk
With knowledge that they are now a joke.
Let no one Base64 encode
Or sneaky web bugs in HTML load.
From the evil worm, guard me forsooth.
Let all my envelopes tell the truth.

Keep my server free from porn.
Let friendly e-mails greet my morn.

We all thought those herbal, patch, and enlargement spams were bull. Not so, according to at least one sea creature from the Silurian:

WASHINGTON - A fossil of a small sea creature extracted from a 425-million-year-old British rock formation is the oldest unequivocally male fossil known, researchers say.

The animal, a new member of a large species group called ostracode, was buried under volcanic ash which mineralized and retained an image of
its soft body parts. That unique preservation enabled researchers to construct a highly detailed three-dimensional picture of the animal after digging the fossil from a rock bed in erefordshire.

Details revealed include gills, eyes, limbs designed for swimming and the oldest known male organ in the fossil record. It was this last that
led researchers to name the new species, Colymbosathon ecplecticos, which is Greek for "amazing swimmer with large penis."

(The rest of the article is at Yahoo)

I do not want your weekend pill.
I do not want your herbal swill.
I do not want your penis patch.
I do not want your dating match.
I do not want your bogus stocks.
I do not want your cable box.
I do not want your Nigerian monies.
I do not want your porno honeys.

I hope you starve, I hope you cry.
I hope you shrivel up and die.
I wish that you would go away.
I wish I did not have to pay.

My filter's in an awful jam.
I really, really hate your spam.

Sheesh, every time I see that "permanent record" thing, I get stage fright. I began this afternoon by writing directly to the reporter who wrote the story and thanking him for it. I told him it had occasioned quite a bit of comment here and provided him with a link to the /. article. I gave him a sense of the general commentary on the subject of e-voting, the concerns often expressed here, and what people are saying. I urged him to take a closer look.

He won't see that e-mail til Monday, most likely. I plan to gather up links tomorrow.

First in a series of literary classics updated for our time:

Seven Days in May: Heartwarming story of the American family who try to pack double the enjoyment into the vacation their breadwinner is allowed to--or dares to--take.

A Passage to India: An American database administrator watches mistily as her job is outsourced to faraway places. Will she find happiness as an airport limo driver in Denver? Read more in this desperately romantic tale.

No Time for Sergeants: Heartwarming story of the wacky adventures of a squad of big-city detectives trying to keep their streets free of narcotics as their staff is cut and their entire budget is re-allocated to "Homeland Security." A true tale of American resourcefulness.

Gone with the Wind: Stirring saga of a group of homeless Marylanders in search of their insurance reimbursements following Hurricane Isabel. While emotionally gripping, this story maintains its balance as the insurance claims adjusters, FEMA, and the state band together to assert, "We'll think about that tomorrow..."

Far from the Madding Crowd: Emotional tale of the retired general and the senator who distance themselves at the last minute from the Iowa Democratic caucuses.

The Fugitive: A thrill a minute in these adventures of a White House staffer who goes on the lam after ratting out one too many CIA operatives.

The Philadelphia Story: It's not the City of Brotherly Love any more as yet another Democratic incumbent fends off the theft of his jurisdiction by Republicans who couldn't win it honestly. Warning: May contain racial overtones.