Sounds like your problem isn't that the iPhone sucks, but that you're a retard.
You can add new SMS tones either by buying them through Apple or making them on your own with a program such as MakeiPhoneRingtone by Rogue Amoeba. I don't know if there's a PC equivalent, but I can't imagine it's that hard.
You can edit your address book at a computer by using (duh) Address Book on a mac. I've never tried doing this from windows, so I make no claim regarding the ease of the experience, but given your fairly ridiculous complaining throughout your post, I'm going to assume that you're either trolling, are too stupid to use a computer, or should just buy a mac, because doing this is so easy my mom can do it — literally.
I'll grant you that iTunes has its share of problems, but it being one of the worst pieces of software you've ever used? UI problems galore?? Spare me the hyperbole. The main issue I have with iTunes is its bloat, not its UI.
Maybe the Finder is driving you up a wall.... because you don't know how to use it?! Just because a mac can be easy to use doesn't mean it just allows you to magically understand every nuance with a wave of your wand. And really, I've heard this argument so many times from Windows users, it can get rather infuriating. My guess is that more than anything, you're used to the interface from a single OS (Windows), so that anything outside that experience "drives you up a wall"."
I'll agree that Apple provides an alternative user experience, although really, you probably shouldn't listen to ANYONE that claims that anything is "perfect". And finally, if you're really having so many problems with your phone getting wiped, maybe your phone is defective? Or it's having hardware problems? Or maybe you broke it? Or maybe your software is broken.