Or manually port forwarding, as described on the Beat site.
Why should anyone be required to touch their router settings to install or run a game, unless they want to host game sessions? We're talking about settings here that mean opening up the system to even more vulnerabilities (UPnP gateway features), or require modifications that might well break functionality some time down the road (DNAT). In any case, the "average user" (and maybe to a lesser degree the "average gamer") does not have the knowledge about either alternative to evaluate risks or troubleshoot resulting problems.
it will happily corrupt itself beyond repair if it ever times out or is interrupted for some other reason.
Nonsense, I've killed it or had it crash multiple times while in progress. Still works fine. That's why, as with any BitTorrent client, it re-hashes the pieces it has downloaded and throws out any corrupt ones when it starts.
I've had it just sit there with no progress for hours, and it timed out after several minutes for a few times, each time from a clean (re)install. In any case, the patcher was completely unable to resume, coughed up an error message, and terminated. No installation attempt resulted in any visible progress, either in the closed or in the open beta.
as it didn't transfer more than maybe 1MB in the 20 or so attempts I made before sending some rather impolite feedback and uninstalling the POS
So, you didn't have UPnP or port forwarding set up, and it didn't work. That's not surprising.
Seeing how the instructions that SE pushes out for the closed beta (i.e., close to none) don't mention either, no I didn't, and it didn't work. So I followed the documentation, and it still failed.