The latest article about the Rather scandal have all but ferretted out the last of the loony left. My favorite conspiracy theory: that Karl Rove masterminded the entire event. I have this picture burned into my mind of Karl Rove typing furiously on his computer. He calls out to Dick Cheney, "Hey, does this look fake enough? Or should I use the Times New Roman font?" Cheney responds, "Times New Roman. And here, let me sign the thing. My handwriting is terrible."

I guess when you have to come to terms with reality, it's always easier to slip back into the security blanket of delusional idea.

Here are some more, just to keep you looney lefties calm. George Bush really did cause 9/11. He even paid Osama to do it. George Bush really invaded Iraq for the Oil. No, it was for revenge! No, it was for Oil! Well, I'm still torn on that one. And John Kerry served honorably in the Navy, and never ever did anything to hurt the United States afterwards.

And let's leave them with this whopper: The majority of Americans agree with you and Michael Moore, and John Kerry is going to win in a landslide this November.

Good night, sweet dreams.

If you want to get your posts modded higher, and as a group of conservatives, get your rational viewpoint out there, try these tips.

(1) Go fishing. Post several different ideas in a single post that are all good. Each idea will appeal to different moderators. Your post will be carried upward.

(2) Avoid unsubstantiated claims. It is easy for someone to pass you over or even mod you down because you say something controversial. It is a lot harder for them to do this when you have substance behind. Name names, be specific, and have your references ready.

(3) Be quick. When a post first comes out, that is when the moderators are watching it. As a post ages, moderators ignore it. You'll have to keep your facts at arms reach so that you can compose that ground-shaking, substantiated post in time to get attention from the moderators.

(4) Moderate up, not down. Spend all your points moderating good posts up. Don't waste any points modding anyone down. As conservatives, we want to debate the issues because we win every time when everyone gets their complete say.

(5) Meta-moderate. Watch closely for moderations that are not done the way you would do it. If something is modded up that shouldn't be, then disagree with that. If something is modded down that shouldn't be, disagree. What happens is those that abuse their moderator points will get less of them.

(6) Mark people that make good posts as your friend. Eventually, a network will be built up so that you will have a little signal that a post should get your attention. Don't mark people that you disagree with or would like to mod down as your enemy. You will show up on their radar and get noticed by them. The idea is to be recognized by your friends, but hidden from your enemies.

Make sure you save your moderator points for those really controversial topics that get heated. That is when you can really shine. That is where it really counts. So pick you battles well, follow the guidelines above, and we will begin to get our conservative, rational voice heard.

I posted a comment that said that humans think more like a relational database than a hierchical one. (http://slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=120762&cid=10169159). I think enough people don't understand what a database is, nonetheless a hierchical or relational one.

A database is a store of information. Everything you put some data in and then retrieve later on is a database. Your filesystem is a database. The internet is a database. Even memory can be considered database.

The easiest way to keep track of the data is merely to retain a pointer to it. That is how we manage data stored in a memory database. The ext2 filesystem has something called an "inode" which basically is a pointer to a specific file stored on the disk. We use URLs on the internet to reference a particular piece of data.

But how do you find the data when you don't remember the exact pointer? And what if the pointer to the information has changed since the last time you accessed it or stored it?

Enter the hierchical database. In the hierchical database, there is a root node. The root node points to several other nodes, and so on and so forth, until every node is pointed to. This is an awful lot like some scripting languages. It is also how data is stored in a traditional filesystem. Notice how using these databases is quite difficult. The pointer to the node in question is now a path rather than a single bit of information. The paths can get quite complicated.

In short, hierchical databases really suck. They are not natural because we don't store data hierchically. Quick, what is the parent node of "the picnic last summer where you played baseball"? You don't know because you don't store information like a hierchical database.

Enter the relational database. In a relational database, data is stored and referenced by its relations with other data. Hierchical databases are a subset of relational databases. That is, you can store data in a hierchy in a relational database. But a relational database can do more than a hierchical database.

The types of relations possible are limited to your imagination. Typically, in real relational databases that are well-designed, data has three or more relations to other bits of data. The number of relations can reach into the hundreds, yet our minds can easily keep track of it. For instance, how do we map products to people? I can think of three different ways immediately. I see the products sold by a particular salesman, who is a type of person. I see products bought by a customer. I see products bought by the store from a distributor, who has a representative who is a person. There are more you can think of.

So, using the example above, how does you mind store "the picnic last summer where you played baseball"? It stores it in a number of different ways. First, it goes under the topic picnic. It relates to all other picnics. Then it goes under the topic of last year, and all the activities you undertook that last year. It is also filed under summertime, which includes all the activities you ever undertook during summer. Don't forget the relation to basebal games you played.

If you wanted to look that particular event up, you would search all your relations for the one event that matched "picnic", "last year", "summertime", "baseball". Even only using two of these four criteria, you would probably get a set of events that is small enough that you can identify which one you were looking for easily.

How does this relate to filesystems? You files should be stored relationally rather than hierchically. Rather, it should be stored relationally in addition to hierchically. You letter to grandma that you wrote last week should be filed as "the letter called "/home/jgardn/letter/grandma-2004-09-01.doc". It should also be filed under "letters", "grandma", and "stuff I did last week". These in turn will be related to other data. "letters" are "documents". "grandma" is "family" and maybe "friend" depending on your relation. "last week" is part of "this month", and part of "september" in the "year 2004". Again, searching for the letter with just two or three of the above criteria should give you a small enough set that finding the letter is trivial.

Now, a final point. Since relational databases are so similar to how we store data in our minds, performance is actually increased, even though the actual implementation is slower. This is because the act of finding a letter doesn't include just "loading the letter from disk into memory", but also "finding the letter in the first place, and identifying it as the one we want to see correctly." The second task is far more efficient in a relational database filesystem, and happens to also take the most time in any filesystem.

I've been following the issues closely. Any news article about Bush or Kerry is one that I've read. Every day, I look at the polls and the current issues. I can't tell if it is raining or not but I can tell you how many points Bush is up nationwide or even how many states they have locked in and how many electorate votes that counts for.

This is what Bush stands for:
(1) Pre-emption. Rather than let the terrorists strike first and then respond, we will hunt them actively and secure our nation first.

(2) Middle class wealth. Cutting taxes to the upper and middle class spur economic growth. (You can't cut taxes to the lower 50% because they don't *pay* taxes.) Home ownership among the middle class, especially among minorities is a priority. Also, entrepeneurship and investment is a priority.

(3) Social security reform. People, especially the poor and middle class, should be able to invest their social security money in the market. They will get a lot better return and they should fund their own retirement. Otherwise, SS will go bankrupt.

(4) Medicare. We should take care of our elders, but we should do so intelligently. Increasing the benefits while increasing the competition in this sector will solve a lot of problems.

(5) Regulations. In general, industry and the citizenry should have fewer regulations, not more. Government should partner with business and the citizens to get community responsibilities taken care of. Rather than taking an adverserial role, government should encourage cooperation.

(6) Keeping state out of religion. We shouldn't have a wall between church and state. The state should stay out of religion, but we welcome religious people and their contributions to society. Fact is that they are better equipped to help the homeless and abused than uncaring government officials.

(7) Tort reform. The law system has become like a slot machine. Lawyers are taking home the prize pots, leaving the truly deserving penniless. There should be limits on how much damages can be obtained, and there should be limits on how much of that can go to the lawyers. We need a less litigious society, not a more litigious society. Litigation harms progress when it is abused.

(8) Calming the tone in Washington. We all have our views. We all want to express those views. But we have to be civil and polite to one another. Bush went out of his way to get Democrat priorities passed, even at the offense of his base. He is trying hard to reach out and bring the vitriol back down to sane levels. Just because we disagree we shouldn't hate each other. We have plenty of that coming at us from our real enemies.

(9) Real education reform. School choice. The poorest students are stuck in schools that are failing. We should give them an opportunity to get the same education that John Kerry and George Bush received. Rather than dump money into a system that fails, we should dump money into systems that are working. High standards will help more students be more successful. Even if they don't obtain those standards, it will be better for having tried it. Standardized tests will give us metrics to measure the success or failure of schools and compare the rich areas with the poor areas. It will help parents and teachers and administrators make better decisions on what subjects are weak and strong.

(10) Judicial reform. We need strict contructionalists on the bench, or judges who will not rewrite law based on the political mood of the day. The Supreme Court and federal courts must protect the constitution, and subordinate themselves to the laws rightfully passed by the congress and signed by the president. The supreme court must respect the rights of the individual and states. Judges should be impartial, relying only on the law as written.

Now for what John Kerry believes in. I'm leaving out all the waffle issues where it is ambiguous.

(1) Reactive foreign politics. We can't act until acted upon, and we shouldn't respond to terrorists until we have been harmed. We should only respond in kind - eye for and eye.

(2) A kinder, gentler war on terror. If we weren't so mean to the people who are trying to kill us, maybe they wouldn't want to kill us as much.

(3) Putting Europe and China in control of our foreign policy. By turning the most important national decisions over to the UN, where France, Germany, Russia, and China have veto power, we will be helping to make the world kinder and safer because America will be bound down from acting unilaterally.

(4) Tax and punish the rich. Even though they contribute more money to charities and do more to help the poor than the poor and middle class do, and even though everyone in the middle and poor classes work for the rich, if we punished them for being so rich we would be better off. We should take that money and give it to the poor, funnelling a large chunk into the proper "authorities".

(5) Criticizing opponents, trying to shut down contrarian views. People who say things that hurt should not be allowed to express those opinions. Case in point is the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth. Because what they have to say may be true, we have to shut them up by seeking injunctions to prevent them from exercising their first amendment rights.

(6) Appointing judges who feel that it is okay to murder children (in John Kerry's view), and protecting the right to murder innocent, unborn children. Appointing judges who will legislate from the bench on issues such as Gay Marriage, the right of the people to pass laws, and the right of the people to hold their government accountable.

(7) Non-reform of education. We must keep doing the same thing we are doing, to protect the teacher's jobs and because it is unfair to help the poor get ahead with a good education.

(8) Race baiting. By calling the Republicans names, and encouraging the black people to hate white people, we will help calm the tone of politics and encourage people to get along.

These are the views that I see John Kerry being consistant on. Now do you see why I am voting for Bush?

Here is my pledge to use moderation appropriately on political posts.

(1) I will not upgrade or downgrade a post simply because of its views. In other words, I will disagree with things people say, but I will defend to death their right to say it.

(2) I will not upgrade or downgrade a post simply because of who said it. I may not like the person, but that doesn't mean they don't have something important to say that should be heard. I may also like someone, but I won't elevate their voice above others simply because of that.

(3) Derogatory comments are always "flamebait" or "troll", coming from any side of the aisle. This is the classic "Republicans are jerks / Democrats are idiots" type thing. Also, language that is offensive (four-letter words, distasteful and irrelevant topics) are not welcome in political discourse.

(4) Ad hominem attacks are always bad, and will get modded "flamebait" or "troll". This is the classic "You're wrong because you are an idiot / commie / nazi".

(5) Posts with well thought out and explained positions will get at least "informative", and at best "insightful" mods. This is despite the fact that they oppose my views or destroy my arguments. I am always interested in seeing where I am wrong.

(6) Posts with political insight and explanations, or with facts and references, are always welcome. I will mod them "informative", "insightful", and "interesting", depending on which is appropriate.

I'll admit, if you trudge through my history of posts, I have posts that are worthy of being moderated as flamebait or troll. I will try to keep my emotions in check and treat my political adversaries as partners in the political process rather than enemies.

We should remember to keep decorum and civility in all political debates. It is all to easy to get dragged down into the mud and filth, and all too difficult to keep things tame and organized.

The last series of posts I made resulted in numerous people jeering at me. Are you really a Christian? Do you really like Bush? I can't believe there are people like you even left around here.

These people think they can control me, make me feel inferior, outnumbered. They even think they can make me feel stupid. After all, you have to be one of those mind-controlled idiots to believe in Christianity.

Unfortunately, they are telling me far more about themselves than they are about me. They are insecure in their beliefs. They are unsure of their facts. Everything is a lie - nothing is as it seems.

If you look at it in the right way, they are delusional.

If you believe that God exists, that He loves us, and he rewards those who follow him and punishes those who don't you are right. We wouldn't have this country called America if it wasn't true.

If you believe that a free market economy is the solutions to poverty, you are right. You have been vindicated throughout history. America, in times of free markets, prospers. In times of limited markets, it flounders. Economies where there is absolutely no freedom, mass poverty is the result.

If you believe that basic trust is the solution to most problems, then you are also right. People know what they need done better than others.

If you believe that science is cool, but unfortunately, has a terrible track record being correct (virtually no theories older than 50 years surviving as evidence) you are right. One thing to know about science is that what you know today is like what we knew 300 years ago. It is all bunk, to be replaced with more correct theories and models.

If you believe in a society founded in Judeo-Christian morals, you are right. Societies that stick close to these principles succeed wildly. Those that don't, self-destruct. It doesn't matter which continent, this is a universal truth.

The ultra-right wing, christian conservatives have nothing to fear. Let the left say what they want. They have never been right, in all the time that they have been screaming. The ultra-right wing conservatives built this country, saved this country from its many woes, and will be the backbone of this country for many years to come.

The ultra-right wing conservatives decided to found this country on the basis of laws and not men. They had an extreme distrust of men and called anyone who got sufficient power to sustain themselves a tyrant.

The ultra-right wing christian conservatives defeated slavery. Yes, while liberal democrats were busy in the south chaining them up and whipping them, the conservatives were busy trying to find a way to end slavery once and for all.

The ultra-right wing christian conservatives defeated the Nazi and Toshi power structures, and replace them with peaceful democracies. While FDR was busy wining and dining with the Soviets, generals who knew better drove their soldiers on to an overwhelming victory, praying to their God for help along the way.

The ultra-right wing christian conservatives brought down the Soviet Union, almost single-handedly. This was the greatest threat to America since its inception.

Now that we have an ultra-right wing christian conservative in office, we are actually tearing apart the terrorists, and replacing tyranny in the Middle East with democracies. While liberals echo the words of our enemies, we trudge along, planting the flag of freedom where they say it doesn't belong.

My dear friends, we have no need to fear. Stick to your principles. You are right; they are wrong. Discover the facts, don't fear them. The truth always favors us.

If they spit on you, if they strike you, turn the other cheek, then tell them "Civilized people don't behave this way. I thought liberals were compassionate and tolerant and all for diversity. I guess it is all words."

If they try to expose you, dig into the facts. Read their facts closely. What are the sources? Are they using the scientific method, or are they trying to cover up unfavorable results?

If they lie about you, expose their lies. Call them liars and expose them for what they are.

Remember the scene in the Two Towers where Gandalf the Grey returns to the castle, to rescue the king from Saramon? It is the truth that conquers all, not falsehoods. Oh, they have their day, but their glory withers like the morning dew. Soon, it is forgotten. But the truth persists, and is unstoppable.

This morning I saw the results of an experiment I performed. The turd was a vivid green color. It was an average size and had a slightly sweet smell to it, like burning sugar. It came out with ease and clean up was no problem. I rate this a 10, for the coolness factor.

Harris Teeter has these vividly colored cupcakes. I surmised that if you ate several (3+) of them, it would turn your poop colors. I had noticed this before, but was uncertain if the cupcakes were the source. So, I did not eat for 24 hours before the cupcakes. I ate 6 cupcakes (vivid blue) and this was the result. If you do not see them for sale, they will make them for you.

After a long pause I have updated my Java Applet Pacman game. There are several improvements, the most notable of which is that the Ghost is much smarter. Also the graphics shouldn't flicker on slow systems. Now I ask you, dear reader, to give it a whirl and tell me what you think. Are there bugs? Odd behavior? Have a suggestion? Please let me know!

Newest version of the game is here.

Finally, I am thinking of moving all my pages off of Angelfire. Does anyone have any free homepage suggestions?

We're too busy putting down the Iraqi resistance to occupation to get the oil flowin'. The invansion has only just begun. We've been riding on post-liberation euphoria up until this point. The Iraqi's are only just now waking up to the fact that we dont' give a *** about them.

Interesting opinion. I certainly care about the Iraqis. It sounds like you do too. I'm sure if you asked most Americans what they think about the Iraqis, they would say they care about them to one degree or another.

So the idea that America doesn't care about the Iraqis is false.

I understand that perhaps you were arguing that the Bush Administration doesn't care about them. I don't think that is true either. If you have had your eyes open, you would've known about the support we are getting from Iraqi expatriots in America. I remember hearing on the radio of one Iraqi in tears saying how thankful he was for President Bush and the soldiers who gave their time, comfort, and lives to free his country. Now he can go back to Iraq and practice his profession without worrying about Saddam or his goons coming to get them.

If we didn't care about Iraq, we would've just nuked the whole dang thing and called it over. But we didn't. We committed soldiers and their lives to fighting one-on-one so we can discriminate friend or foe to the maximum degree possible.

As for this sudden awakening, it is only happening because as the June 30th deadline appears, the Saddam loyalists and Iranian-backed Shiite terrorists see a real end to their reign. It worked in Germany. It worked in South Korea, even while there was intense fighting against communist guerillas. It will work in Iraq, even if several cities are held under siege by terrorists and loyalists.

If we really didn't care anymore, we would pull out and let them fend for themselves. But we aren't. We are going to stay. We are going to stay and support the fledgling democracy. We are going to hunt down and kill every last terrorist and loyalist who dares raise their fist against the right of the people to vote for their government, and the right of the people to live a life unencumbered by vicious terrorists or ruthless dictators.

So now you see a different perspective. If you trully care about the Iraqis, you would use your voice to support our troops rather than minimize their effectiveness and support the terrorists and loyalists. If you truly cared about the Iraqis, you would stand strong, shoulder-to-shoulder with Bush and show that the terrorists stand no chance of victory even if Ralph Nader got elected president.

Watching the latest debacle in San Francisco, and across the country, when Mayors and others are encouraging citizens to break federal, state, and local laws by engaging in so-called "gay marriages" or as I'd like to term it, homogamy, it's become that the homosexuals are truly suicidal.

The whole reason why we don't have large segments of the population shooting each other is because of a simple piece of paper, and the fact that we as a nation decided to honor it come thick or thin. We'll even let people bend it, because we believe we can always bend it back.

The whole reason why those nations in Africa and in Eastern Europe and in the Caribbeans and across the world and having one civil war after another is because they don't have such a document, or if they do, they don't honor it.

When the radical homosexuals engage in open violation of federal and state law, the people wait patiently until the executive and judicial branch can reign them in and restore order. There is a way to rewrite law, and it is found on that piece of paper. Both the state and the nation have such a document.

If the judges were to declare homogamy legal, then there would be a problem. You see, when we wrote the constitution, we gave the judicial branch the final say. The only way to overrule them is with an amendment to the constitution, and even then, they don't have to obey it. It is our faith that they are interpreting the constitution that prevents us from having an open rebellion whenever the judges rule against us.

If said trust were to be broken, by the judges overriding the constitution, then we have no more recourse except for physical force. Let me repeat that: The only thing that prevents us from having an open rebellion is that piece of paper, and our faith in the judges who interpret it. Should that trust be broken, we will have open rebellion.

I do not want rebellion anymore than you do. I have not experienced war first hand. I do not want to. I do not want my children to. However, once that constitution has been ruled as toilet paper, and the judges who were enshrined as protectors of the document openly violate it, then war is preferrable to a nation ruled by dictators in black robes.

I think that is why when Thomas Jefferson complained loudly about the power we gave to the judges, that the other Founding Fathers were quiet. Should the judges usurp all the power in the government, the only recourse is violence. And violence is the best recourse for an absolutely corrupt government.

Back to the title: Short-Sighted Homosexuals. Why are they fanning the flames, openly encouraging this? Why are they forcing this issue in the courts at this time? Because, they see the number of liberal judges in the federal courts as an endangered species. Already, Bush has appointed some of the judges who were filibustered to recess appointments. The liberals have no chance of taking control of the federal government for at least 10, and maybe 50 years. This is their last hope.

But what is the cost of such an endeavor? The nation itself. They are willing to trade a small political victory for the nation's peace.

Unfortunately for them, the majority is veheminently opposed to their position. Majorities tend to win wars.

Nobody will read this, and even if someone does, they won't post!

That said, I have a new version of my Pacman-inspired game up. It is improved over the version that has been linked to in my sig for a while now.

If anyone has any suggestions for power-ups or other interesting features (make sure to play through three levels first), please post below. There is a good chance your suggestion will make it into the game.

Also if it doesn't work for you, let me know, so I can fix it.

1. Bush will win in a landslide. Blacks and Hispanics will vote Republican in record numbers.

2. Liberals will complain about their civil liberties being eroded, about the poor and the homeless, and about the middle class being left out. (Of course, what did they do to fix these problems when they were in power?)

3. Osama bin Laden will be caught alive. Liberals will want him put on trial. Americans will want him blindfolded and shot. Americans will win again.

4. Iraq will have a peaceful election. America will begin long-term occupation like Germany and Korea. Somehow, some liberal will find some unhappy Iraqi who will appear on TV and say, "Things were better when Saddam was around." They will find someone else who will say, "When Saddam was here, we had a monthly check. Now I have to go out and work for my food! This is terrible!"

5. N. Korea will either dismantle its nuclear program or it will be dismantled forcefully. Unfortunately, barring a miracle, North Korea will not fall. More horror stories from escapees.

6. Peace in Israel after they reestablish their settlements and expel the dangerous elements of the Palestinians. No Palestinian state. However, the peace between the Palestinians and Israelis will lead Palestinians to abandon their hopes for a state. Why form a seperate state when things are good under Israeli democracy?

7. A conservative wing of the Republican party will emerge with these goals:

a. Lower domestic spending by 50% by 2008.
b. Reduce domestic regulation by 50% by 2008.
c. Cut federal tax income (not rate!) in half by 2008.
d. Tort reform.
e. Increase the military; target N. Korea, Iran, Syria, and other enemies.

8. Liberals in America will be publically seen as the insane wackos that they are. Epithets like "Communist", "Socialist", and "Big Spender" will no longer be out of hatred but out of pity. ("Oh, don't mind him. He's a 'liberal'. Just smile and agree.")

9. Microsoft will release a version of Linux.

I had a ham & cheese sandwich and a salad (again) for lunch yesterday; I had 6 cookies as well. My ass has decided that ~5:30am is pooping time. This morning's poop took some work to get going. This turd was odd in the fact that it wasn't cylinder shaped, but like a ribbon. It was flattened and about 6" long and looked fiberous. The turd was a medium brown and had a healthy earth smell to it. Clean up took a few extra passes and it flushed easily. I rate it an 8.

I took a rare second poop today as well. This one was while at work. Nothing worthy of note, except for the actual 'event' and what went on during the poop.

I don't like pooping at work. The bowl is too shallow and sometimes my balls dip down in to the water. So, I have to cup my nads what I shit. This is not comfortable. I also have my cell with me at all times. Naturally, it rings just as I settle in. I *have* to take it:

Me: "Uh...Hello, TTR speaking."
Droid: "Hey, this is Joe Salesdroid. I have DonkeyPunch Networks on the phone and they have a big spam problem. I hear your the guy to solve these types of problems."
Me: "Yeah, but I am in the mid..."
Droid: "Great, this is a big customer, I'll bring them on."
Me: "But, I am taking a..."
*beep*
At the point the customer comes on. I am sitting in a toilet, with my balls in one hand and my cell in the other. I am just gonna have to wing it and try to hold on.
*fast forward a few moments*
Customer: "...and most of what we are seeing there is coming from..."
Me (no longer able to hold on): "Uuuuunnnggggghhhh...*Faaaarrrrrtttt!*...*plop*...Oy..."
Customer: "...asia and we can't determine where..."
Me: *faaaarrrrrrtttt*...oh...jeez...
Droid: Um, TTR, what is that noise?
Me: "Oh, I am in the crapper."
Droid: "...."
Customer: "....."
Me: "I have to wipe here, guys, can I call back in a few minutes?"
Customer: "....."
Droid: "....um...ah...ok..."

I can't rate this turd, because the auto-flush took it away before inspection. I do rate the fact that a customer had got to hear me take a shit as a '10'.

The binding effects of the Percocets has passed. (pun not intended) Yesterday, I had a ham and cheese sandwich on rye bread and a small salad. I also had a craving for milk and drank a half gallon after work. I was awoken at 5am by my cat meowing by my head. I woke up, rolled over and started to let a 'Good Morning' fart. I felt a gurgling and welling up in my gut. "That's no fart", I thought to myself as I hopped up and staggered into the bathroom half awake. Everything seems to have left my ass at once. A sudden rush and a sound like that of a potato gun firing mud at a wall and it was over. There was a strong sulphur smell to it. The turd wasn't solid, but it wasn't liquid either. It was a semi-solid; solid enough to plaster itself to the back of the bowl. Clean up was a bit of a mess, but the wet-wipes cleared everything out. Upon flushing, the semi-turd clung defiently to the bowl. A second flush sent it to its fate at the waste treatment plant. I rate this turd as a 7.

There is something up with a muscle in my upper leg; the pain is like a punishment from God. My doc perscribed Percocet for me; they tend to bind me up. I hadn't pooped for almost 2 days and this morning the pain in my gut was unbearable. In the past days I had eaten the buffet at Charlie Chang's, a roll-up from Harris Teeter's, 2 cheeseburgers from McD's, and 2-3 pounds of red, seedless grapes. This sat in my gut, like a lead weight. Sitting on the can was painful as the muscle is very tight. Being backed up, I had to push like I haven't pushed a turd in a very long while. After a few minutes, it all rushed from my body in one explosive load. I instantly felt 5 pounds lighter and 100% better. The turd was shaped like grape-shot that they used to use in cannons and was a uniform brown color. I can't comment on odor, as the cat had just taken a poop right before me (and my cat's poop reeks like hot death). Clean up was very easy. The almost painful level of pushing does hurt the over all rating of this turd, but I felt so good afterwards, I'll give it an 8.