The problem is that you reach a point in the game where it switches from:
"Just play a couple hours on weekends, or whenever you feel like"
To:
"You MUST be on and at the instance at exactly 5:45 PM PST you MUST remain on for 4 hours MINIMUM, then be free the next day at exactly 5:45 PM PST in case we don't finish the instance today. You MUST research all the bosses before entering the instance. You MUST be using one of the 2 acceptable specs for your class online, or you will have to respec, grinding gold to afford it. You MUST carry a minimum amount of healing potions, meaning you have to grind gold to buy them. You MUST install seedy chat software, and WOW add-ins, you can't participate with the default program."
I see this sentiment a lot, but I really don't feel it has that much basis in reality. The truth isn't nearly as jarring.
There are plenty of guilds with no attendance requirements, who do what they can with the people that show up. They don't kill the latest content, typically, because they aren't organized enough and don't care enough. However, by comparing yourself as a newly-max-level character to those who are killing the latest content, you're skipping quite a few steps in the middle, which is why you see such an abrupt lack of transition.
Yes, if your performance is sub-par, people will sometimes try to get you to change the way you use your talent points (a system with unique skills for each class, by which you specialize to gain some abilities and make others stronger or faster), but it's not for no reason: it makes you better, and more efficient. It's not some evil conspiracy; other people won't want to play with you if you're not pulling your weight.
The gold you're arguing about grinding for is negligible: re-specializing costs at most 50 gold, when you can earn about 150 gold in half an hour doing a double handful of daily quests.
This is the first time I've heard of people call Ventrilo seedy software. Yes, it helps to have the equivalent of a VoIP party line going to coordinate things and chat. There are a couple of really useful add-ons that people often ask their teammates to use, and they can be a hassle, but I don't see why they themselves are such a deal-breaker. Overall, if you have no problem with Blizzard Warden, I don't know why a couple of other programs would be so odious.
I feel a little dirty for being a Blizzard apologist here. There are plenty of things to criticize about the game. But arguing that it's still necessarily "too hardcore" isn't one of them.