I ask for your real name because it's "my yard" (my server, my game, my rules) but I don't check ID and don't ask for anything beyond that. I want to know who I'm talking to, but I don't much care for anything else.
This doesn't make any sense. You want to "know who [you're] talking to," but your only reason is some flattering feudal ownership fantasy, and you flatter yourself a second time by saying you "don't much care" so everyone should congratulate you on being broad-minded.
early networks I was on (BBS systems and FIDOnet).
Yup, that tracks.
I respect your intent and even your love of fidonet, but I really disapprove of this squirrely language here. The proper way is to start with the actual costs and benefits of each decision, then go back to whether each person is treated fairly and the endeavor is encouraged to flourish second, and relative to those costs and benefits. "Your yard" does not come into it, old man! I say that as one old man to another. ; )
For example, if you ask someone to give you their real name under threat of deleting their account, but promise not to give it to any of the other peasants^Wusers on the BBS, you're establishing a heirarchy. If you're not validating the real name, no legitimate purpose other than establishing the heirarchy is served.
That was the fidonet attitude, posturing little dictators lording things over people because it was "my server" or "I paid for" this or that and constantly demanding to be first monkey over anyone else who didn't run a BBS and was a mere caller. I couldn't stand it.
The first thing I did was to run a BBS. I only had one regular user, but I didn't care because it evaded the attitude problem: I posted messages via echomail instead of by calling someone else's board, and then nobody could try to settle an argument by claiming they "paid for" something and I didn't. The "upstream" board could say he's bigger than me, but now he has a real problem because if he plays that game he will lose friends. The greatest toxicity is somehow at the leaf of the graph.
The second thing I did was to get away from those people entirely and on to the proper Internet as soon as I could. Though the infrastructure universities ran was tens or hundreds of times more expensive they didn't lord it over anyone else.
A statement appropriate to the situation would be, "because you are calling the BBS, your phone number is exposed to me, which could identify you. I promise not to keep logs of this phone number and to keep caller ID disabled on the line. I promise never to disclose the phone number to other users even if it's accidentally disclosed to me. I promise not to use *69 for cases of "abuse" or other frustration where no crime has been committed. However in a criminal investigation there's no way I can keep your phone number private from the government, and I do keep logs of when users' calls started and ended."
It would never have occured to a fidonet operator to make that relevant, appropriate statement because everyone was thinking about "my yard" and all the mere users were getting low-key hazed. In the Internet's context, this kind of statement is recognizable as something you do to establish credibility and protect users. The attitudes are night-and-day different, and I don't want to go back to that old amateur nonsense.
Every time someone brings up the glory days of BBSs, I agree, but then I bring up this. It's important. It was bad, and it can happen again.
This lack of arrogance and a controlling, posturing attitude prevalent on fidonet was, in retrospect, as important to anonymity as liberal principles and American court precedent that unchilled, uncoerced speech and free association of adults takes priority over allowing kids to roam freely. "Anonymous FTP" was exactly that, while BBSs were constantly trying to push users around with download "privileges." SMTP deliberately made minimal effort to authenticate senders while echomail, although still technically primitive, wasted complexity on a trust graph. Many universities had "labs" that you could walk in and use anonymously, without providing any name real or fake, in the same way that you are allowed to enter a public library and read a book without even inventing a name for yourself. Usenet had a group for posting anonymous person-to-person messages encrypted with PGP, to frustrate traffic analysis. The second development from the PGP team after email encryption itself was anonymous remailers, which were a semi-manual form of onion routing (the relay nodes were run as a public service, but you had to compose your route manually).
This was all built to an ideal that anonymous dissent keeps the boot off our faces and that village mentalities quickly grow toxic, but a prerequisite was dropping the fidonet attitude of trying to push others into contrived patron-client relationships and then control them to no ends but self-aggrandisement. Meanwhile in the "amateur" BBS community, that controlling attitude, or a desire to escape it, was an organizing principle.