An iPhone isn't an option because AT&T coverage is awful where I live, and Verizon is the only viable provider. The GSM phone I travel with doesn't even get a signal in my house. I will never, ever use another Windows-based phone. On the other hand, I don't think I really need a Blackberry. I rarely use email on my phone (granted, that's mostly because it's so impossible to use on my Samsung) but I'd miss the QWERTY keyboard and ability to occasionally access Google and Wikipedia if I went with a plain old phone.
I miss the reliability of my old E815, and I like the volume and sound quality on my GSM V400. If I could get something as solid as either of those with a half-decent browser and usable keyboard, I'd be very happy. I don't care about playing music, taking pictures, ringtones, downloadable apps, or any of that — I just want a communications device that works right the first time, every time. Does such a beast exist?
Whoever picks a satisfactory replacement for me gets to decide the fate of my SCH-i760. I'll leave the options open, but I should mention that I have about 20 liters of liquid nitrogen on hand and an 8-lb sledge hammer."