Segfault South Park Geek Extravaganza 122
Effugas writes "Possibly the best post ever to hit Segfault--South Park: The Computer Episode. It's brilliant; arguably the best style adaptation I've seen in a very long time. Absolutely hilarious, too." Warning:You may not want to read this at work if your supervisor is nearby. It could leave you laughing helplessly for 1/2 hour or more.
Humor is okay as long as the _intent_ isn't to har (Score:2)
Its like this I think true stroy I heard that happened at Harvard:
Back when recycling hit big, and people first started putting all of these bins around for all kinds of recycled products, you know they'd have "White Paper" "Colored Paper" "Plastic Bottles" "Aluminum Cans".
Well, someone replaced one of the "Colored Paper" signs with a sign that read "Paper of Color". I thought that it was a kind of hilarious satire on people missing the basic point for all their concentration on labels and such, but apparantly the thought police at Harvard decided it was an evil joke and subjected the guy to disciplinary action and made hime make a Cultural-revolution style public confession.
I'm not dissing you, and it probably gets old seeing these kinds of jokes, but some of them (like Big gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride), really do help open the discussion up instead of closing it down.
I think one of the major reasons that relations between whites and blacks in this country are so largely f'ud up is that there is this huge taboo about talking or heaven forbid, even joking about race in public. So all of our little impressions, pet peeves, jokes, etc.. happen between memebrs of like minded groups, instead of being shared, and this drives people even farther apart.
I know its a very thin line, but we should be careful about making everything so serious, while of course speaking out against cruelty and hostility. What we need os more tolerance, and that means for obnoxious jokes too, not less.
Re: (Score:1)
Now, if only I could get through to the segfault link... *sigh*
Re:Queer (Score:1)
agreed. but thinking about two women kissing or wrestling or cat fighting or... oooo, that's hot. that's right, that's clean, that's natural. oh ya, that is sooo good. ummm, gotta go...
Re:I guess humor is okay if "homosexual" approved. (Score:2)
"Everything's super when you're gay!!!"
Re:Queer (Score:1)
Funny how when you want to disparage somebody, you immediately make allegations about their sexual habits. What kind of double standard is this? You say it's not okay to slag on somebody for being gay, yet you slag on me for screwing my cousin?
You intolerant Nazi straightboy, you.
Here, watch this--I'm gonna make your brain explode: What if I'm male and my cousin's male? Hell, if we were both female, you'd send off for a tape! But we're still cousin-fuckers, right?
And don't call me a fag-basher, neither--some of my best friends' dogs are gay.
--
Re:Ahem... (Score:1)
--
Re:Queer (Score:2)
Moral Relativism and Nazis (Score:1)
I'm personally quite a pacifist and would rather as few people get killed as possible, but even I believe it's sometimes necessary. For instance, think of all the German soldiers we killed during WWII. I assure you not all of them were pure evil. I'm sure a lot of people of people think that it was justified. I'm sure that other people (pure pacifists) think that it was utterly UNjustified to kill all these Germans even though they were attacking.
If there is absolute morality, then where is the line drawn? Who draws it? The Bible? The Bible quite clearly says, "Thou shalt not kill." It doesn't say, "unless thou art defending thyself."
In short, when it comes to this sort of thing, there is no absolute authority on right and wrong.
The thing is, if the Nazis believed killing Jews was the right thing to do, that was their perogative.. BUT almost everyone else on the planet thinks it's wrong, and the Nazis also had an obligation to work things out with the rest of the world.
Re:Moral Relativism and Nazis (Score:2)
This response confuses causation with justification. Winston Smith (in 1984) was *caused* to believe that 2+2=5 (if it even makes sense to say that's what he believed) but he had no *justification* for that belief. It still didn't *make* 2+2=5.
Insert "what is perceived as" at the right point, and you're probably right. Leave it out, and you have a lot of arguing to do.
The Holocaust was wrong whether or not we won. Slavery was wrong whether or not we won. Just because people's beliefs would have been different had things turned out differently doesn't show that the things those beliefs were about would have been different.
Is the person who starts off by saying "Slavery is wrong" in the pre-bellum US contradicting himself?
Ok, I'll bite... (Score:1)
The Holocaust was wrong whether or not we won. Slavery was wrong whether or not we won. Just because people's beliefs would have been different had things turned out differently doesn't show that the things those beliefs were about would have been different.
How do you prove that the Holocaust or slavery were actually wrong, rather than just being perceived as wrong?
Re:Queer (Score:1)
And murder of your own kind is incredibly flexible, usually... All you have to do is redefine "own kind".. I mean, we talk about murder being an absolute moral all the time, but we most of us condone wars in certain circumstances and many of us condone the death penalty. How much more "own kind" can you get than a family member... but then many of us would condone the death penalty on a family member if they killed someone else.
Re:Queer (Score:2)
Not, I suspect, by the definition you actually use in your day to day life. When you have a moral disagreement with anybody, you don't take your disagreement to be decidable by looking at what people believe. Sensible moral debate is neither conducted nor decided by polls. You typically give *reasons* for thinking the other person is wrong, and they give you reasons for thinking you're wrong.
Or, to put it another way, I'm not interested in this purely anthropological notion of "morality", I'm interested in what people have reasons to do and not to do, and whether or not they recognize it, people have reasons not to exterminate people because of their ethnic or religious background.
Exactly. What makes it wrong is not your thinking it so, but it's being a case of inflicting tremendous pain and suffering on a huge number of sentient beings.
damn (Score:1)
Segfault wigging me out (Score:1)
It certainly doesn't make me want to stand up and announce myself as a proud member of the Slashdot/Segfault/Freshmeat crowd. (Not that I want to announce membership to any club that'd have me, for that matter.)
Re:oh mi gawd! (Score:1)
Re:Ok, I'll bite... (Score:2)
Good question. Let's take a look: how do you decide whether evolution or creation is correct (to take an issue near and dear to everyone's heart). Well, you provide reasons: and the Nazis did have what they took to be reasons for their hatred of Jews, make no mistake. "They're not Aryan, they try to take over the world and subjugate Aryans, they are filthy and spread disease" These are all either false -- and we take it that these questions are answerable in principle -- or irrelevant (what the hell does being Aryan have to do with superiority?) Look at those "facts", in turn, and you see they ain't facts at all. It's surprisingly like the way you decide issues in, say, science.
Do I have a single, easy to follow method? No. Does anybody? No, and not even in science. Have an argument with a Flat-Earther sometime: he'll have a response to every one of your arguments, so you can't "prove" the earth is round either.
Don't mistake disagreement (the amount of which is often overstated by relativists -- hell, we can recognize the Nazi aguments, for all their fallacies and errors, *as arguments about how to treat people*, even if they're horrible ones with absolutely foul conclusions) for lack of reasonable standards.
Re:Moral Relativism and Nazis (Score:2)
OK, last one today =) [sorry, I've been spouting off and it's off-topic, but it's also interesting]
What is the "source" for moral truth? There's no canonical source, but there isn't one in science. So the answer, in the moral case too, is "honest inquiry". The morally lazy reasoner can usually be fairly easily spotted (racism, e.g. is often based on ignorance about the people at whom it is directed, often combined with faulty beliefs about why the racist's life has gone wrong). Hitler had crappy arguments based on bad logical leaps (demonstrably so: he made common cause with the Japanese, who are emphatically not Aryan).
As my parting words for the day (as you may have noticed, I've been on something like a high-horse here today): people keep trying to put me on the defensive. But I ask why that should be the case: moral relativism is only dubiously coherent in the first place. Why doesn't anybody ever try to *justify* relativism? I've provided responses to all the arguments that have been hinted at, and suggested that in fact for everybody here who's said something morally relativistic, their practice belies their apparent commitment to relativism (nobody takes polls to decide what the right thing to do is; or at least, they only do on quiz shows =). It's not simple either way, and I don't claim to have *the* knock-down argument that shows relativism is wrong, but I do have a bunch of considerations suggesting that it's not really true, and moreover that nobody here really believes it's true
Re:Mirror of this funny stuff here... (Score:1)
http://www.freek.com/~dorqus/southpark.html
Enjoy
Re:Ok, I'll bite... (Score:1)
"They're not Aryan, they try to take over the world and subjugate Aryans, they are filthy and spread disease" These are all either false -- and we take it that these questions are answerable in principle -- or irrelevant (what the hell does being Aryan have to do with superiority?)
Ok, but just because most of the reasons that were spread among the masses were easily proven to be false doesn't prove that the Holocaust was objectively wrong. It just shows that people can be duped into doing anything. In other words, it doesn't prove that the act of exterminating the Jews was in and of itself wrong, just that people went along with it for stupid reasons. I don't know that it's even possible to prove any act to be right or wrong.
Re:Homophobia on /. (Score:1)
If it's because someone on segfault has posted something antigay, then the slashdot people aren't to blame. Go bitch at segfault.
I'm just confused as to where this came from?
(and users comments are just that, comments of users, not necessarily those of slashdot).
Ack.. coming to the aid of slashdot? wow...
Re:I guess humor is okay if "homosexual" approved. (Score:1)
You left out atheists. The Boy Scouts of America bans homosexuals and atheists (Girls Scouts BTW, do not care). Last month, a court in NJ ruled in favor of a gay man over Boy Scouts.
Come to think about it, intellectuals, nerds, and the rich can also be hated these days without repercussions.
From support.microsoft.com... (Score:1)
Just thought it was amusing... got it off today's edition of The Register [theregister.co.uk].
*Now* I get it ... (Score:3)
It's revenge for that "slashdot slashdotted" story segfault ran the other day. I can almost see Roblimo reading that, plotting, then finally getting an excuse -- "How do you like *them* apples, Mr. Remnant!" Of course I can't see it because I'm too far away, and also I don't know what Roblimo looks like. Other than that, though, I can picture it.
Re: (Score:1)
Re:bah! it's /.ed (Score:1)
Dude, I'm a geek, and I wake up at 4am and go to sleep at 5pm. (Yes, this is local time).
The thing about geeks is that they are not all exactly the same =P
Re:From support.microsoft.com... (Score:1)
Re:Homophobia on /. (Score:1)
Re:Ahem... (Score:1)
Panzies? Maybe no. Ill informed jackbooted thugs; now that's a different story.
As for the debate weather it is "moral","right", "natural" or "a choice" to be gay; I could care less. I personally believe (my opinion, please save the flames for another time) homosexuality is not a "natural" condition for human being, BUT I do not judge people because of their sexual preferance. There are many qualities human beings posess that are so much more important than where you like to put your hoohadilly; compared honor, integrity and compassion, sexual preferance doesn't even come close. You're here, your queer? So what? I like sex with the lights on; I don't go around telling everyone about it.
I think much of the anger directed towards gays (or any other "minority") is a result of the frustration the average, white, middle class American male feels. Yes, there are ignorant bigots that are hell bent on spreading hate, but I belive that the majority of anti-gay sentiment has less to do with "homophobia" and more to do with a concept called "fairness".
I (a white, middle class male, by the way) live in a midwestern town that recieved quite a bit of media attention about a year ago because it denied a proposition that would give homosexuals special minority status (privilege and protection). We were thrashed quite well by the media who likened our city to a Neo-Nazi convention. I think your average Joe sixpack, who usually lacks the verbal skills to convey his thoughts without the words "fuckin" and "faggot", can't understand why some people should be treated differently simply because of what they like to do with their private parts. I like sex, "doggie style", why isn't anyone putting me in a special group? Regardless weather you are Gay, Jewish, Black, Female, White, Hispanic or otherwise, there are already laws to protect you from crime and guarantee your liberty.
Maybe I'm foolish to believe this, but I believe that most people are fair and decent. The plain and simple truth is that you cannot pass laws to change people's hearts; the real bigots don't care about equal opportunity laws and the rest of us just feel alienated. While they may be good intentioned, I think many of the "fairness" laws on the books do more harm than good by highlighting the differences between people and constantly make issue out of what otherwise would be commonplace. If there should be any law in place, it should be a blanket law that requires fair and equal treatment REAGARDLESS of race, sexual preference, creed and nationality; it'll be no harder to enforce than the other special interest legislation out there already.
The ideas expressed here are my own and in no way reflect views of my employer, parents, siblings, car or mold collection. Any similarities to the live, deceased or or otherwise "ghostly" are purely intentional. All rights reserved.
Re:Queer (Score:1)
here's the story: (Score:4)
South Park: The Computer Episode
Have you ever wondered what it would be like if the South Park cartoon series
were to do any shows involving computers? Wonder no more.
[[South Park intro animation]]
[[Scene: Mr. Garrison's classroom.]]
MR. GARRISON: OK, class, now I want to say a few things about computers.
They're expensive, powerful machines that can be used for all kinds of important
things, like allowing Sandra Bullock to star in "The Net." They can also turn you
into a raving homicidal maniac who wears trench coats and carries dangerous
objects like the Bill of Rights into schools, especially if you ever use the Internet at
all. Mr Hat, will you do the honors?
[[Mr. Hat slips "Net Watchdog" CD into drive of old Pentium-90.]]
[[All kids give a collective gasp of disbelief.]]
WENDY: Will this interfere with research for our class projects?
CARTMAN: What about mah AOL?
STAN: We never had AOL in this school, dumbass.
CARTMAN: Screw you, I want mah AOL!
MR. GARRISON: Now you might as well get used to this, because it's for your
own good. The American Association of Pediatricians recently said that using
computers is bad for kids, anyway.
KYLE: How are we going to be successful in a wired society if we can't use
computers?
MR. GARRISON: Come on, Kyle. Everybody knows you become successful by
imitating what's popular, hating anyone who's different, and sleeping with the right
people. Work and talent don't matter at all--haven't you been paying attention to
our "Melrose Place" social studies unit?
STAN: Oh, brother.
[[Close-up of classroom computer, which switches from "Installing..." to a Blue
Screen of Death.]]
MR. GARRISON: Darn it all to heck, I'm going to have to fix this. Watch out,
kids, Mr. Flying Plastic Shrapnel is not your friend. (Garrison readies hammer and
is about to swing.)
WENDY: Wait! I think you put the options in wrong when you started it up. You
have to enter a password that's at least 8 characters long, put in a list of browsers,
make the install directory read-only.... (Garrison does all this, looking very
puzzled.)
STAN: How can a girl know so much about computers?
KENNY: Mmbm shmm rrmm r mrm. Mvr fmm z "Krmm Grm"?
STAN: "The Crying Game"? What?
KENNY: Lmm mm hmm pmms n fmm f shm hmm n pmmm.
STAN: Dude, that's sick!
CARTMAN: She throws like a girl.
STAN: So do you, fatass!
CARTMAN: Stan wants to kiss... Wendy the transsexual...
WENDY: What are you guys talking about?
KYLE: Cartman's just being a f**k, like usual.
WENDY: I heard. But, Stan, the reason I know so much about computers is that
while you guys were on IRC and playing Duke Quakem, I read the manuals and the
FAQ lists.
[[Stan pukes.]]
CARTMAN: That doesn't make any sense. You're really a man, admit it!
WENDY: I don't think you have any room to talk. Isn't your mother a
hermaphrodite?
CARTMAN: F***ING HELL STUPID P***Y BIATCH AH'M GONNA KILL
YOU!!
[[A general brawl starts in the classroom as others join in.]]
MR. GARRISON: Settle down, people. I mean it, settle down. Oh, Christ, these
kids are unmanageable. Only one thing to do... (Mr. Garrison pulls the Ethernet
cable out from the back of the room's computer. The fight continues. Garrison
looks flustered for a second, but then the lunch bell rings, and the fight tapers off.)
[[Scene: the cafeteria.]]
CHEF: Hello there, children.
KIDS: Hey, Chef.
CHEF: Why the long faces?
STAN: They're messing around with the school's Internet access. It sucks,
hardcore.
CHEF: Aw, c'mon. There's so many other things you can do in school besides
hangin' ten on the Web or usin' that "G-mail." I have a little song...
CARTMAN: We don't want it unless it's on an MP3.
[[The boys leave and sit down. Wendy comes up to Chef.]]
WENDY: Chef, I have a problem.
CHEF: What is it, Wendy?
WENDY: They're teasing me because I know more than they do about computers
and I'm a girl. It's so unfair.
CHEF: Oh, baby, I know exactly what you're talkin' about. In fact...
[[BEGIN FLASHBACK SEQUENCE]]
[[Chef, thinner and with hair, is sitting at an actual vt400 terminal. A beautiful
woman walks up.]]
YOUNG CHEF: Hey, baby. I just finished a cool Lisp hack--wanna see?
WOMAN: Oh, a black guy who can program? That's just so totally outrageous. I
mean, I'd believe you if you said you could sing or dance or act, but programming?
Ha! Bye.
[[END FLASHBACK SEQUENCE]]
CHEF: And so I taught myself to sing and I've hardly touched a computer since
then. People can be real stupid sometimes, but you can't let them get you down.
You've gotta follow your hopes and dreams, and trust in yourself, and....
VOICE FROM BACK OF LINE: Move your bitch ass, willya? We're hungry!
WENDY: OK. Thanks, Chef. I don't think it'll work, though.
CHEF: (aside) There's gotta be a way to fix all this up. What about that skinny
weasel I knew in college who dropped out and now owns Macrosoft? Yeah!
[[COMMERCIAL BREAK]]
[[Scene: South Park Mayor's Office]]
CHEF: So you see, Ms. Mayor, we should get some information straight from the
pros before messin' with the schools' computer policies. My old friend Bull Gates,
who owns Macrosoft, generously agreed to take the school staff and the kids on a
field trip to his facilities and give a talk about technology.
MAYOR: Is this going to cost the town any money?
CHEF: Well, no, but he did say somethin' about "all of our immortal souls" and
promised a free pack of beta-test product to everybody.
MAYOR: Well, OK. While you're there, could you try and find out why BlimpDOS
NT won't work on this thing? (Cut to shot of an "iWhack", "grape" color, sitting on
the Mayor's desk.)
CHEF: Mmm... yeah, I'll do that.
[[Scene: Outside the school, kids lined up by a school bus.]]
KYLE: This is sweet. A field trip to Macrosoft headquarters!
KENNY: Mmphm mm frm fftvr n stff?
CARTMAN: Oh, like you could use free software anyway. You're too poor to
afford a computer!
KENNY: Sht p, ftss! M gt Lnx rnng n ths ld thrgghtysx.
STAN: Dude, what's "Linux"? And what's a "386"?
KENNY: Thrgghtysx z vht Crtmms mm dz fr frrr.
CARTMAN: My mom does not ninety-six three guys!
KENNY: (http://www.cartmansmom.com/crackwhore)
ALL EXCEPT CARTMAN: Heh heh heh heh!
CARTMAN: Oh, is that it? Well, screw you guys, Ah'm goin' home.
MRS. CRABTREE: (poking head out of bus) Shut up and sit down! C'mon, we're
runnin' late!
[[Montage: bus goes through mountains, forests, fields, highways...]]
[[Scene: bus, outside Macrosoft HQ, a huge building with "BlimpDOS 2001" flags
around it and heroic-looking pictures of Bull Gates all over.]]
SECURITY GOON: Ah, welcome... South Park Elementary School? We'll give
you a tour of our facilities before a brief question and answer session with The
Leader. First, we'll go through the security checkpoints. Follow me, please.
[[Everyone enters the building and walks through an eerily glowing corridor.]]
CHEF: Damn, looks like my old buddy did pretty well for himself.
[[Chef, Kenny, and Wendy are the last to enter the corridor. As they do, alarms go
off, and panels open in the walls, revealing vicious dogs. The dogs descend upon
Kenny and savage him.]]
CHEF: Hey, what the *hell* is goin' on here?!
GOON: Terribly sorry, sir. Our scanners determined some of you may have been
contaminated by products not in the True Way of Macrosoft. But you're too old to
be dangerous, she's a girl, and this young man's obviously too poor to even own a
computer. Sorry about the dogs ripping his guts out, but...
KENNY: M nnt dmd, vmass.
GOON: Oh, good. And don't call me a dumbass; I'm a Certified Macrosoft
Network Engineer!
CHEF: (pissed) Whatever. C'mon, children, let's catch up.
[[Scene: entrance to a cleanroom.]]
GOON: This is our experimental chip manufacturing facility. We wish to bring
hardware under our domination, too, you know. You can look in, but don't touch
anything, as microscopic amounts of contamination can mess up a chip.
[[Everyone looks through the window and sees cleanroom-suited techs doing
highly technical stuff--drawing circuit diagrams, messing with chip curing ovens,
playing Quake3, drinking Scotch....]]
STAN: Cool! So where do they put in the Internet and the neat MMX stuff?
GOON: That's classified, so we send it out to Indonesia where we can pay the
workers $3/day and shoot them if they talk.
CARTMAN: Mah mom says there's a lot of black people in Indonesia.
KYLE: Your mom's even dumber than you are, you fat sweaty cretinous
morphodite.
CARTMAN: Oh yeah? Well take this! Ergggh... (Cartman farts thunderously.)
GOON: Um, we should leave now. This is a sensitive area, and I think that may
have overloaded something. Come on, question-and-answer this way....
[[Scene: inside the cleanroom.]]
TECH 1: Did something just happen? I'm reading organic contaminents off the
scale here. The baked bean coefficient is 50 times higher than I've ever seen it.
TECH 2: Probably just a faulty sensor. Keep an eye on these experimental
Pimpium 3.5s, would you?
TECH 1: Sure.
[[Closeup on the tray of Pimpium 3.5s, which are moving and growing and
reassembling, unbeknownst to the techs but knownst to the viewers.]]
[[Scene: a small auditorium.]]
GOON: OK, everybody, we're going to watch a short video, and then The Leader
will answer questions.
VIDEO CLIP: In the future, technology will empower us instead of dehumanizing
us. We will do more, see more, learn more, and have more fun. Macrosoft is leading
the way into this glorious future. You can even now run your toaster with BitDOS
CH, and InsecureX lets you surf the Web faster and more easily.
With this power comes the need for control. Computers and the Web are so
complex that it is too easy to get in trouble--too easy for kids to find violent,
obscene material, too easy for bloated applications to crash a vital machine with
memory leaks. We here at Macrosoft have anticipated this, and we have developed
applications that do so little there is no chance of them ever crashing. Our
Exploiter 6.9 Web browser will refuse to display any image that even resembles
anything obscene.
STAN: Whoa, this is starting to freak me out.
VIDEO CLIP: Some people have called this a step backwards. We believe it is a
step forward, and we ask with pride, "Where do you want to go yesterday?"
CARTMAN: I do believe that sucked ass.
GATES: (appearing from behind a curtain) So, are there any questions?
CARTMAN: Yeah, if you're so rich, why's your wife so ugly?
KYLE, STAN, KENNY: Heh heh heh.
GATES: Let's try to keep this on topic, OK? Anybody else?
CARTMAN: Is it true you only have a 3.5 inch floppy?
KYLE, STAN, KENNY: Heh heh heh.
GATES: (flustered) Does anyone have any questions about computer hardware
and/or software?
WENDY: Are you using monopolistic, anticompetitive practices to corner the OS
market for desktops and laptops?
GATES: (pissed) Get these @#$!ing disruptive kids out of here and teach them
some manners!
CHEF: Oh man, this ain't good. Quick, Wendy, Kenny, follow me!
[[Several SECURITY GOONS frog-march everyone except Chef, Wendy, and
Kenny into a small room. A bit later, GATES shows up carrying a whip and wearing
a torturer's hood.]]
GATES: Didn't anyone ever teach you how to behave when you're speaking to a
captain of industry?
CARTMAN: Oh, is that what you are? I thought you were Captain of the Butt
Pirates.
GROUP OFFSCREEN: heh heh heh!
GATES: What was that?
GOON: Focus group, sir. (Pan to show a group of "ordinary folks" behind glass.)
Marketing insisted--the public's perception of us has sunken so low that we're
having a focus group watch everything we do in hopes of discovering the key to a
PR turnaround.
GATES: What?! Well, they were right about that Internet thing. So, you fat kid, are
you going to apologize?
CARTMAN: I'm not fat, I'm big-boned!
FOCUS GROUP: heh heh heh!
[[Gates cracks whip at Cartman.]]
CARTMAN: OW! Respect mah authoritai, biatch!
FOCUS GROUP: heh heh heh!
GOON: I think we might have something here, sir... remember we still need some
nifty advertising campaign to sell BlimpDOS 2001. I think this kid might be a
perfect mascot. Sure, he's bloated and useless, but the public seems to love him.....
GATES: Hmmm... (grins evilly)
[[Scene: inside the cleanroom.]]
TECH 1: Say, what's with those Pimpium 3.5s?
TECH 2: Um, I left them right here. How could...
[[A huge replica of "Terrence" from "Terrence and Phillip", made entirely out of
computer chips, rises behind the techs.]]
CYBERTERRENCE: Kill, kill, kill, kill, fart!
TECH 1: AAARGH!
TECH 2: How could this have happened?
TECH 3: I was playing Quake--didn't realize what effect it might have on
impressionable young chips...
[[All techs fall writhing to the floor.]]
[[Scene: outside the cleanroom]]
CHEF: I'm sorry about gettin' you into this mess, children. Should've known from
the beginning that my old friend had gone bad. Now we've gotta get out of here and
try to get everybody else out too.
KENNY: Rrf frrf srkffk mrr frg srbgr rm?
CHEF: No, I'm *not* gonna sacrifice myself to save your sorry white ass! You
been watchin' too many bad movies.
WENDY: Come on, guys. What we need to do here is think, not bitch at each
other. We probably don't have too much time.
[[Cyberterrence stomps towards the cleanroom door, making a beeline for Chef,
Kenny, and Wendy....]]
[[COMMERCIAL BREAK]]
CHEF: The other children probably got dragged off somewhere... gives me the
hoopajoos just thinkin' about what my old buddy might be doin' with them.
[[Cyberterrence smashes through the wall, heading straight for Chef, Kenny, and
Wendy.]]
CHEF, KENNY, WENDY: AAAAH!
CYBERTERRENCE: Crush. Kill. Destroy. Respect Mah Authoritai! (swings at
Kenny, who flies through the air, strikes the wall, and lands in a heap.
Cyberterrence then lurches through another wall and out of sight.)
WENDY: Oh my God! They've....
KENNY: Rrrrm.
CHEF: Oh, man. We're gonna have to get him some help, or he will be dead. Come
on, I think that security post was back this way.
[[Scene: the torture chamber/Focus Group Room. The kids are still chained]]
STAN: Excuse me, Mr. Gates?
GATES: Yes?
STAN: Isn't this a little pointless, punishing us all because of what Cartman did?
Sure, he may be a fat smelly rude piece of sh*t, but why put the rest of us in here
because of him?
KYLE: Yeah, doing this to us is kinda like condemming the entire Internet because
there are some places on it where you can see women *******ing horses and men
with b**** d**** m********ing with sixteen-year-old ****** and cheese graters.
STAN: Dude??!
GATES: You know, you might be right. What does the focus group think?
FOCUS GROUPIE 1: He's right. Free the Net and free the kids!
FOCUS GROUPIE 2: Come on, there's too much porn and dangerous stuff out
there.
FOCUS GROUPIE 3: Censorship is positively un-American!
FOCUS GROUPIE 2: Don't make me get insanely violent.
FOCUS GROUPIE 3: Hey, kid... what was the URL for those places you
mentioned?
FOCUS GROUPIE 4: I wanna see Natalie Portman, naked and paralyzed!
FOCUS GROUPIE 5: Filth is everywhere! Oh my God!
[[the FOCUS GROUPIES start fighting amongst themselves.]]
GATES: Oh sh*t. Well, can't expect people to be rational about much of
anything... guess I'll have to give in to my megalomaniacal impulses and try to
control everything.
SECURITY GOON: Very good, sir. By the way, I think the fat kid would be the
perfect mascot for BlimpDOS 2001. He exemplifies the product beautifully. You
just need a contract, so we can satisfy the legal department, and....
GATES: Fine. I'll take care of that. (to Cartman) So, little boy, would you like to
sign this contract? All we want are the rights to your image, voice, body, genetic
material, and all derivative works thereof... I'll even let you and your friends go if
you sign!
KYLE: Sign it, you dumbass! Being chained up here sucks!
CARTMAN: Oh, is that it? Say, how about if you let me go and leave those
bitches chained up?
GATES: But aren't they your friends...?
CARTMAN: F**k them, Ah'm goin' home.
GATES: (aside) A cruel bastard who knows exactly what he wants... I think I like
this kid. (to Cartman) OK! Sign here.
[[Cyberterrence bashes through wall, wreaking havoc and killing people just as
Cartman signs the contract.]]
EVERYONE: AAAAAAH!!
STAN: Whoa! A huge version of Terrence crashing around committing mass
murder... it's like something totally cool that's gotten way out of control and now
completely sucks.
FOCUS GROUPIES: This is related to that Y2K thing, isn't it?
GATES: Oh f**k.
[[Scene: Chef and Wendy rush down the hall, carrying Kenny. Pandemonium reigns
in the wake of Cyberterrence's wrath.]]
CHEF: Damn, everything's gone to hell. (to Security Goon) Hey, could you help us
out? We got an injured kid here.
SECURITY GOON: Oh? Here, follow me... we have a completely automated care
facility here. (Puts Kenny into a bed; automated devices under control of a nearby
computer begin poking at Kenny.)
CHEF: What the...
GOON: It's the latest thing! All running BlimpDOS NT, solid as a rock, the most
secure and safe thing Macrosoft makes and perfect for performance- critical
medical applications like this one. Now excuse me, I have to...
[[SECURITY GOON bumps computer case ever so slightly. Computer monitor
switches to a Blue Screen of Death. Kenny's heart monitor goes flatline; Kenny
dies.]]
WENDY: Oh no! BlimpDOS NT killed Kenny! You bastards!
CHEF: Aw, fudge! Seems like everythin' I did just wasn't enough... and that big
cyberwhatchamacallit is still runnin' around killin' folks. I just don't know what I
can do. How's a guy whose only programmin' experience is 20 years old gonna
make it in this high-tech world?
GOON: Well, we've been trying to hack into that horrible creature's systems
remotely and not having any luck...
CHEF: Oh come on! All this newfangled junk, point-and-click, Internet whooziz,
wireless this-n-that... an old dog can't learn new tricks, especially this late in the
game!
WENDY: Chef, would this help? (Wendy brings out an old vt100 terminal and
keyboard.)
CHEF: (grins) Oh, baby, you know how to light my fire. Stand back.
(CHEF sings as his fingers fly over the keys:)
Well, I may be an old dog
Can't hack no brand new code
Them Java servlet data mines
Are the best thing 'round, I'm told
But I don't need no fancy menus
No mouse-click G.U.I.
Just gimme a prompt and a Unix shell
And kiss your problems good-bye!
An old-school hack, just an old-school hack
Man, sometimes y'all gotta get back
An old-school hack, just an old-school hack
Man, sometimes y'all gotta get back
So open up them terminals
Bad problems, they won't stick (around)
'Cause I'm a pure-bred hacker dog
Who knows how to use his (.......) one good trick!
[[Chef presses Return. The screen displays lines like "gcc -O2 -c net3.o net3.c"
and "Warning: assignment of pointer to variable foo lacks a cast." Finally, Chef
enters, "./hackcyberterrence -kill9" and hits Return again.]]
[[Scene: the Focus Group Room/torture chamber. Cyberterrence is advancing on
Bull Gates.]]
CYBERTERRENCE: Chirp. Resistance is futile. You will be farted upon.
GATES: Ulp. All my money, my empire, my OS monopoly cannot save me now.
What have I done?
CARTMAN: Told ya you were a dumbass Butt Pirate, but no...
STAN: Cartman, shut the f**k up!
KYLE: C'mon, Terrence, we're your biggest fans! Please don't turn your horrible
death-dealing flatulence upon us.
CYBERTERRENCE: Eep. Click. Gas buildup reaching... reaching... ffark... zzgh...
@#!... WRITE ERROR IN BUTT_DEVICE 0x000A: STOP.
[[Cyberterrence freezes in mid-fart, falls over, and breaks into several pieces.]]
STAN: Whoa!
GATES: How did that happen? I know our experimental hardware is buggy, but
this seems like...
CHEF: (climbing through hole in wall) Hey hey, old pal.
GATES: Chef? You stopped this creature? How....
CHEF: Ain't nothin' but a C thang, baby.
[[Subtitle at bottom of screen displays, "Geek In-Joke--don't worry if you don't
get it!"]]
GATES: How can I ever repay you?
CHEF: First, let these children go. Second, could you please stop tryin' to take
over everything? I mean, you got more money than anybody, and everybody uses
your products, and now you wanna own the whole Internet and make everybody's
hardware too? When's enough gonna be enough?
GATES: (unchaining Kyle, Cartman, and Stan) I guess I just got caught up in the
spirit of the business... if you don't move ahead, you die. I'm sorry, everybody. But
I hope you see that even if they are right, and I am a money-grubbing
megalomaniac, I still don't forget my old friends. Goodbye, Chef... and thanks!
KYLE: Oh man... I thought we'd be seeing cool stuff about the future of
technology and the Net, but instead we saw a dumbass video, and got tied up and
attacked by things we didn't understand and couldn't control.
STAN: Maybe that *is* the future of technology.
WENDY: It'll be better than that, Stan. We just have to learn how to use it
correctly and not panic when new things we don't understand come along.
[[Stan pukes.]]
CARTMAN: Ah, what do you know?
CHEF: C'mon, children. Let's get out of here before something even worse
happens.
[[Scene: South Park residential sidewalk; Kyle, Cartman, and Stan are walking
along.]]
STAN: The teachers are still being bastards about classroom Net access. Good
thing we still have dialup from home.
CARTMAN: You still have a dialup? Ha ha, I got ALDS and I get 8 megagigabits.
KYLE: It's "ADSL," and you do not have it, you liar.
STAN: Come on. Maybe we can get on IRC and meet cute girls.
[[Scene: upstairs, Stan's house. The kids are sitting at the house computer, looking
entranced.]]
KYLE: Dude, she sounds cute! And she says she lives in this town... go for it,
Stan!
CARTMAN: Aw man, hurry up! I wanna try to get a first post on segfault.org!
STAN: Shut up, Cartman! I'm tryin' to get the mack on here. (types) "meet u
tomorrow at 4?"
[[Scene: Wendy, sitting at another computer, sees what Stan just typed appear on
her screen.]]
WENDY: Oh, he didn't even puke this time! Isn't technology great?
[[South Park closing credits]]
This was a parody. South Park and all its characters are trademarks of Trey Parker
and Matt Stone. Any resemblance of anything else contained in this story to
anything in actual reality is coincidental and your own problem. Peace.
Trey Parker and Matt Stone, if you're interested, look at
http://www-personal.umich.edu/~mhgraham/Angband/s
e-mail to mhgraham@umich.edu....
Posted on Wed 25 Aug 12:11:47 1999 BST
Written by CJ Hooknose
copyright © 1998,1999 editor@segfault.org
Re:Queer (Score:1)
BTW, how do you feel about seeing two women kissing? For many guys, there's a double standard going on there. Why's that?
And I have yet to see any two humans on the side of the road getting each other up the ass, let alone any dogs or cats.
Re:Moral Relativism and Nazis (Score:1)
Arg. I realized that I forgot to mention that as soon as I hit "submit". Yes, I think that it would have been looked upon as less "evil" than it is now if the Nazis had won. I don't think you can make a direct parallel to the American Indians (I personally think that's a less offensive term than "Native Americans", btw; but that's a whole other discussion) because we live in different times.
But even with the Indians, there are plenty of people who look at it today and believe that it was a horrible thing to kill all those Indians. And there are also people who honestly believe that although it was bad, it brought about a net good. Who's right? I think it's more complicated than one or the other.
The winners define right and wrong in law, but there will always be dissenters and people with a different opinion from the mainstream.
Slavery was wrong, because we won.
Er.. What about all those people in the South who lost? I'm sure most of them today still think slavery is wrong.
It's not that simple. Most Germans today, although they lost the Second World War, probably think the Holocaust was a bad idea.
Re:Vest wearers (Score:1)
And while I'm in the UMBC-LUG, not DC, I get to DC-LUG meetings now and then. If you spot me at one, please feel free to say "Hi" even though I don't usually wear vests to them.
- Robin
Re:Vest wearers (Score:1)
You a member of DCLUG? I haven't been to any meetings yet.
Re:Moral Relativism and Nazis (Score:1)
I see and agree with your point that just because people believe something doesn't make it "right", but how DO you decide whether something is right or wrong? How do we uncover these "universal absolute moralities"?
Through pure logic? Pure mathematics? Mathematics is a man-made system of theorems based on a few unprovable axioms that happen to be useful, and in fact different sets of axioms can be set up and still be valid, so that doesn't help.
Through scientific inquiry? Science is based on observation and experimentation and not very applicable in the field of morality.
The Holocaust was wrong whether or not we won. Slavery was wrong whether or not we won.
What about the massive killings during the colonization of the Americas? I think that's just as bad, if not worse, than the Holocaust, and yet there are two separate camps with their own interesting arguments about whether or not it was a good thing. And yes, we won that "war".
Re:Queer (Score:2)
Re:Moral Relativism and Nazis (Score:1)
That's a METHOD, not a SOURCE. Using honest inquiry, how do you know you've arrived at the "truth"? You can poke holes in the arguments of really weak arguments, but there are lots of arguments where you can't poke such obvious holes, and many other arguments where the matter just gets exceedingly complex.
Are you saying there's an absolute answer to everything? How do you know you've arrived at that answer?
Have an argument with a Flat-Earther sometime: he'll have a response to every one of your arguments, so you can't "prove" the earth is round either.
You NEVER definitively "prove" anything in science.. You only test a hypothesis enough that it makes more sense to believe it than not, and you call it a theory.. It will ALWAYS be subject to overthrow. Newtonian mechanics seemed great for a long time, but it wasn't perfect, and subject to argument.. it just made more sense to believe it than not.
The best a flat-earther could do is say that all your data is faked and/or incorrect.. and when you get down to it, it's certainly POSSIBLE that by some bizarre coincidence, all our data just HAPPENS to be wrong.. it's just not very reasonable to believe so, because the evidence is so overwhelming.
This sort of experimental data does not apply to basic morality anyway.
!!!!???? (Score:1)
Where do you get these things from?
Homesexuality has been documented well before humans ever needed any form of population control (so did war and disease by the way).
Do the rats start decorating their cage?
Covering old ground? (Score:1)
Re:Queer (Score:1)
Re:Queer (Score:1)
You only have to look to somone like Ellen of TV fame, and there ya go. Or for some more pop culture, look at Friends. Chandler married a lesbian (or something, I can't stand those shows)
So what makes Lesbianism 'more' socially acceptable? I don't know personally. Is it because guys get off on it? But I'd hate to think that it's JUST the guys that are defining social acceptability.
Maybe it's that pop culture is 'making' it ok. I mean, once it's on Prime Time, it MUST be ok.
Or maybe it was just that Ellen was a good role model or something..? For the life of me, I can't figure it out and it bothers me that such a double standard would exist.
Although for a laugh, look to Japan, where you had gay characters in the TV shows and movies aimed at children. Sailor Moon is a wonderful example. Anyone who's seen the 'Americanized' version would remember Zoicite, the female. Sorry, in the original, she was male. And in love with that other general. Or you get into the later seasons, and bang, you have Michiru and Haruka. Pair of lesbians. Or from the 'R' movie, the antagonist, Fiore was gay.
So maybe as far as morals go, it's very subjective. And now I've gotten into two seperate topics, the double standard, and the subjective morality. Dammit.
Re:Ok, I'll bite... (Score:1)
But in science, you have objective, measureable facts. With most things that you are trying to determine the "rightness" of, you don't.
Some people believe it is wrong to kill animals (even to eat them). How could this be other than a matter of opinion? There is no way of looking at the facts to determine if something is right or wrong.
I mean, hell, your whole world is subjective (you don't
Jordan
Re:Queer (Score:1)
Exactly. What makes it wrong is not your thinking it so, but it's being a case of inflicting tremendous pain and suffering on a huge number of sentient beings.
You've made the classic mistake of assuming "inflicting tremendous pain and suffering on a huge number of sentient beings" is objectively wrong. It isn't.
bah! it's /.ed (Score:1)
Re:bah! it's /.ed (Score:1)
--Ivan, weenie NT4 user, Jon Katz hater: bite me!
Re:bah! it's /.ed (Score:1)
South Park (Score:1)
Re:bah! it's /.ed (Score:1)
James
Re:bah! it's /.ed (Score:1)
This script deserves to be produced (Score:1)
I think I speak for everyone when I say that I'll be very disappointed if this script doesn't become a televised episode one day very soon.
Great work!
--
Re:bah! it's /.ed (Score:2)
"I want to use software that doesn't suck." - ESR
"All software that isn't free sucks." - RMS
Homophobia on /. (Score:1)
Sheesh, growup.
oh mi gawd! (Score:1)
you bastard!!
Re:Homophobia on /. (Score:2)
Homosexuals have no sense of humor? (Score:1)
Ahem... (Score:2)
You shouldn't use a computer, because people might say the same about you.
Did you know Elton John is bi? Don't even think about watching the Lion King again.
Did you know J. Edgar Hoover was a cross-dresser? That makes the whole FBI a bunch of panzies, now doesn't it?
Did you know Thomas Jefferson was a slave owner? Quick, renounce your U.S. citizenship and leave the country.
Re:I guess humor is okay if "homosexual" approved. (Score:1)
Kintanon
Re:Queer (Score:1)
Kintanon
Re:Slashdot effect -- rotation and weaponry. (Score:1)
S.
Re:From support.microsoft.com... (Score:1)
For a scary prospect, check this out....
http://support.microsoft.com/isapi/support/pass
Re:Queer (Score:2)
You know what? I get on with my life without harassing gap-vest-wearing people. If thinking about what other people are doing makes you sick, it's *your* problem, not theirs. Get over it.
So well informed, and so insightful. And such razor-sharp logic. Oh, and look, posting as an Anonymous Coward really enhances your credibility too.
Don't try to defend the indefensible.
Re:Vest wearers (Score:1)
OK, it was raining, but it was at least eighty degrees. Sounded better before you called me on it though. Re LUG, nope didn't even know there was one. I'm only a Linux wannabe anyway; got it on a few machines, but don't use it much yet. Waiting for a decent java vm..
Slashdot Effect (Score:2)
*BOOM*
Poor server..
Re:Queer (Score:2)
wheres the joke... (Score:1)
Re:Queer (Score:1)
Mirror of this funny stuff here... (Score:1)
Re:Ahem... (Score:2)
I've Mirrored the Text Here (Score:1)
yeah... (Score:1)
http://www.callitechnic.com/southpark.htm (Score:1)
Mirror of South Park story... (Score:1)
To everyone who enjoyed it--thanks for the appreciation. To everyone who did not--well, you can't please everybody.
Re:Moral Relativism and Nazis (Score:1)
Right on. Honestly, just think about it. I'm not an expert on these things, but among the many Orthodox Jewish rules, there are many biased against non-jews. One that i can remember is that it is against the rules to charge interest to fellow Jews, but not for gentiles. (not to single out Judaism, I know most if not all cultures contain similar ideas) My point is that if you live in that culture, that's most likely how you'll feel about the issue.
IMO, the reason most of us think murder is wrong is for the preservation of the species. But being a species that also dwells in the realm of thought, we also care about the survival of our ideas, and that's why most of us permit killing of humans under certain circumstances. If our ideas and values survive, we survive by proxy. um, i forgot my point somewhere.
Re:Ahem... (Score:1)
Look what you did, you bastards!!! (Score:1)
Next time you're about to feature an article on some poor site you migh as well post a temporary mirror and spare them a little bit. At least the *.org sites.
Good God the Rath of /. continues (Score:1)
Hmm is there a way we could use this productively to wage war on someone.....
hehe
"Y'all come back Y'a Hear!?!?"
Re:Homosexuals have no sense of humor? (Score:2)
That example seems to have come pretty easily to you. You may be joking, but son, you need to replace a smiley or two.
Oh, and there are those of us who call those activities by their old name, "being a pr---"
Re:I guess humor is okay if "homosexual" approved. (Score:1)
It seems like queers and smokers are the only groups who can still be openly hated these days with no one thinking any worse of you. As a half-queer (read bisexual) smoker, i take a lot of shit, i give shit back in real life, and i give shit back on slasdot. And yes I can take a joke, when I know it's a joke and not someone being an ass.
The Legend of Tux was better (Score:1)
kmj
The only reason I keep my ms-dos partition is so I can mount it like the b*tch it is.
I'll get the CM, you get the herd~!! (Score:1)
If those poor souls only had 64mb of ram (horrors), they are doomed.
My little server is a P200 w/ 96mb of ram.. If I knew, or at least had forewarning I'd be Slashdotted, I'd quickly swap cards/HDs with my most powerful machine (K6-2 263 w/ 128mb of ram, although I might get the ram up to 160mb or more
Methinks they'll also need the wake-on kernel patch to make Apache more efficient if we do this again.
Re:Queer (Score:1)
You're ill informed, probably due to the conservative, inbreeding community you grew up in (which explains your ignorant statement). What you find ethical and moral is your business but please don't spread incorrect information. Homosexual behavior is very characteristics for primates such as the Bonobo monkeys (one of the more intelligent species) who fuck everything that has a hole, preferably several times a day. They also engage in masturbation.
So in contrary what you're thinking, homosexual behavior is very natural behavior.
As for the rest of your statement, on behalf of the gay community (I'm not gay myself): Fuck You
Very good (Score:1)
Re:I guess humor is okay if "homosexual" approved. (Score:2)
Re:Queer (Score:1)
I'm not sure that this has been proven, there are too many conflicting studies with bad science out there for me to be sure. I'm not sure that gay people should _want_ this to be proven, either. Some moralist with too much money on his hands is going to proclaim that he has found a hormonal cure to homosexuality, and since these people were sick all along, they should be cured whether they need it or not. I wouldn't worry about the whys and wherefores too much, it's a person's own life, move on.
Re:Queer (Score:4)
Sorry, I hear this line often but I can never let it pass. The Nazis thought it was a moral imperative to kill Jews. That doesn't mean it was *right* for them to kill Jews. We often lose sight of this in these discussions, but relativism rarely looks attractive unless you're considering issues that are --relatively-- trivial.
Yes, beliefs about what's right and wrong differ among cultures (as well as among individuals), but believing it don't make it so.Besides, not all beliefs are different (nobody thinks it's a good idea to go around killing babies for the fun of it).
I realize there's a nicer spin to be put on this: we shouldn't be arrogant and think that "we" (for whatever value of "we" you care to substitute) have "The Answer." Intolerance sucks (but then there's an absolute moral value for you).
Tolerance is one thing, full-blown relativism another; in fact, relativism doesn't imply tolerance. The relativist ends up saying that for the Nazis (e.g.) intolerance was right because that's what Nazis believed.
Why, yes, I do have my pedant's license on me, and the picture is quite attractive, really ...
Biological basis for homosexuality, and "natural" (Score:1)
As for the arguments for and against homosexuality being *natural*; as others have mentioned here, I think this line of reasoning is misguided. *Natural* doesn't necessarily mean *right* or *good* or *moral*. We do many things that aren't natural: cook our food, wear clothing, fly in airplanes, etc. Just because nobody else in the animal kingdom does these things, doesn't make them wrong. Likewise, even if homosexuality is a natural thing, that doesn't necessarily make it right. Rats have been observed to murder each other without apparent cause, so does that make it natural, and therefore OK, for us to murder without cause? I don't think the personal decision on whether or not homosexuality is moral should be based on whether or not it's natural.
(For the record, I'm straight, and I don't think homosexuality is immoral. Then again, I'm Canadian. I also think that homosexuality does have a biological cause, but don't ask me to prove it.)
---
Re:Vest wearers (Score:1)
You said it. I saw two high school age Future Fraternity Members of America wearing these yesterday. In August. In Washington, D.C. You didn't see me calling them names or threatening to club them to death.
No, instead I reflected for a moment and realized that they were poor ignorant victims of a marketing machine.
Pet theory: A group of Gap marketeers (Gap owns Old Navy as well, btw) at a meeting earlier this year were kicking ideas around getting a little crazy and one of them said:
"I'll bet we have these little idiots so far under our spell that we can convince them to wear anything."
"Anything? I don't think so..."
"OK, I'll prove it. We'll design some cheap ass useless little vests, and if I can get more than 50% of the boomer brats to wear them, you owe me a case of White Zinfandel."
"You're on!"
I feel even worse because I'll have to be very carfeul where I wear the spiffy new Marker vest my wife bought me for skiing. Oh s***, I hope that doesn't mean that I've fallen under the spell too.... Help!!
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA (Score:1)
Re:Homophobia on /. (Score:1)
Re:bah! it's /.ed - so where's the mirror? (Score:1)
Suggestion (Score:3)
Stress testing ayone? (Score:1)
Get slashdotted and find out exactly how good your configuration REALLY is....
Oh my God! They slashdotted the server! (Score:2)
somebody HAD to say it.
I'll mirror it if someone sends it to me (Score:1)
Re:Stress testing ayone? (Score:1)