Shaolin Monks May Sue Over Tale of Defeat by Ninja 284
Socguy writes "A unique story on the CBC website details an even more unusual conflict. A Chinese Shaolin temple has demanded an apology from 'an Internet user who claimed a Japanese ninja beat its kung fu-practicing monks in a showdown.' A letter from the members of the temple, posted on the Internet on Thursday, denied the fight ever took place and called on the person who posted the claim under the name "Five minutes every day" to apologize to the temple's martial arts masters. Monks from the temple, which is located in the Songshan Mountain region of the Henan province, said they will consider legal action if he or she doesn't make a public apology."
Someone (Score:5, Funny)
Someone just won at Internet trolling.
Hear that, Slashdot trolls? When you get written up by Reuters, that's when you've arrived.
In addition... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:In addition... (Score:5, Funny)
Allesged Ninja has started training to master the One-point forearm indestructible defensive shield of Heavenly protection technique to counter the five-point palm exploding heart technique attack!
Pirates have issued an official statement claiming "they will still manage to get both of the other parties, although they are not sure about the role of monks in the conflict! Arrrrr!"
Of course it's untrue. (Score:5, Funny)
This is just a cover story to draw attention away from the fact that several Shaolin Temples, were in fact, recently plundered by pirates.
Pirates rule.
Re:In addition... (Score:5, Funny)
Shaolin monks don't know the five point palm exploding heart technique, which is why Pai Mei was able to use it to massacre a Shaolin temple. Only Pai Mei knows the technique and he teaches it to no one. That is, except...
Re:Someone (Score:5, Funny)
Pirates (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Of course it's untrue. (Score:1, Funny)
just a warning to others (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Pirates (Score:3, Funny)
Re:In addition... (Score:3, Funny)
Next time... (Score:5, Funny)
2. Post on YouTube
3. Have Large TV network steal it
4. Post that on YouTube
5. Get sued by TV network
6. Now you are a Pirate and can surely kick Ninja ass...
7. Profit (if you win the lawsuit).
The case (Score:5, Funny)
"I'm sorry but theres only one possible answer to all this"
Ninjas descend from ceiling and take a stance.
"Round one! FIGHT!"
[Much later]
And then, just as it seemed the fighting would come to a conclusion, a ship flying a skull and cross bones moored at the local pier...
I *so* have this one: (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Better way to get the apology... (Score:4, Funny)
Rest assured that if the internet posting was about a *LAWYER* singlehandedly defeating and laying waste to all of the shaolin temple, there would be no refutal at all!
A lawyer would simply get end up showing prior art and a patent-in-progress filed on all of their techniques and get an injunction against the shaolin monks practicing their kung-fu!
Fear the deadly powers of a *LAWYER*!!!
Some facts about Ninjas (Score:5, Funny)
Facts:
1. Ninjas are mammals.
2. Ninjas fight ALL the time.
3. The purpose of the ninja is to flip out and kill people.
Especially note 3 above. The Ninjas probably just went to the Shaolin Temple to talk about tea n shit, and then they just totally flipped out and killed all the monks.
Anyway, here is some more things about Ninjas.
Q: Why is everyone so obsessed about ninjas?
A: Ninjas are the ultimate paradox. On the one hand they don't give a crap, but on the other hand, ninjas are very careful and precise.
Q: I heard that ninjas are always cruel or mean. What's their problem?
A: Whoever told you that is a total liar. Just like other mammals, ninjas can be mean OR totally awesome.
Q: What do ninjas do when they're not cutting off heads or flipping out?
A: Most of their free time is spent flying, but sometime they stab. (Ask Mark if you don't believe me.)
I'd hate to be "Five Minutes a Day" (Score:5, Funny)
In the words of Judge Kozinski... (Score:4, Funny)
"The parties are advised to chill."
On the other hand, Buddhist monks spend a decent amount of their studies on the subject of humor, so maybe this is simply the single greatest cultural practical joke ever perpetrated...a Zen masterpiece.
why not ask a ninja? (Score:2, Funny)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ehQo7s_02sc [youtube.com]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OEmss2lg-ug [youtube.com]
Re:Of course it's untrue. (Score:5, Funny)
Even better... (Score:1, Funny)
Re:I *so* have this one: (Score:5, Funny)
The beast at Tenagra.
Stallman, with the hippy hair and the odor at Tenagra.
The Beast and Ballmer and Stallman at Tenagra.
Ballmer in the stomach.
The Beast and Stallman on the Ocean.
Re:Better way to get the apology... (Score:3, Funny)
Even Shaolin Monks have to be scared of something.
Ah, Grasshopper ... (Score:3, Funny)
I wonder what kind of process server Shaolin monks would use to serve notice to a ninja? I seems this might be the basis for a TV sitcom, with each episode having the hapless process server falling back to devise a new approach to sneak up on the ninja and serve the papers.
Re:I *so* have this one: (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Better way to get the apology... (Score:4, Funny)
Fear the monkeys!
Re:Lots of BS in the martial arts world (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Better way to get the apology... (Score:5, Funny)
Remember:
FACT - laywers are mammals
FACT - laywers totally flip out all the time
Re:I'd hate to be "Five Minutes a Day" (Score:3, Funny)
Oh yeah, that means make sure the lawyer doesn't tell any of his colleagues.
Re:The Year is 2007 (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Not invincible (Score:3, Funny)
Pfft. Just give Chuck Norris M16 rounds.
Re:Someone (Score:3, Funny)
I bet he is a pirate.
Re:The Year is 2007 (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Better way to get the apology... (Score:3, Funny)
BEARS!
*runs away*
Re:Wouldn't happen that way (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Better way to get the apology... (Score:2, Funny)