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Shaolin Monks May Sue Over Tale of Defeat by Ninja 284

Posted by Zonk
from the bit-of-a-switch-up-from-the-usual dept.
Socguy writes "A unique story on the CBC website details an even more unusual conflict. A Chinese Shaolin temple has demanded an apology from 'an Internet user who claimed a Japanese ninja beat its kung fu-practicing monks in a showdown.' A letter from the members of the temple, posted on the Internet on Thursday, denied the fight ever took place and called on the person who posted the claim under the name "Five minutes every day" to apologize to the temple's martial arts masters. Monks from the temple, which is located in the Songshan Mountain region of the Henan province, said they will consider legal action if he or she doesn't make a public apology."
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Shaolin Monks May Sue Over Tale of Defeat by Ninja

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  • Someone (Score:5, Funny)

    by evanbd (210358) on Saturday September 01, 2007 @04:26AM (#20432255)

    Someone just won at Internet trolling.

    Hear that, Slashdot trolls? When you get written up by Reuters, that's when you've arrived.

    • Re:Someone (Score:5, Funny)

      by Anonymous Coward on Saturday September 01, 2007 @04:51AM (#20432335)
      Naw, when you get your target to make threats of legal action in front of other people you win. This is an example of a troll achieving satori. I just pray that, like the Buddha, the troll in the story is content to return to our level and help the rest of us achieve enlightenment.
    • The case (Score:5, Funny)

      by FinchWorld (845331) on Saturday September 01, 2007 @05:20AM (#20432417) Homepage
      If that case ever gets any where I know I'd like to precide over it.

      "I'm sorry but theres only one possible answer to all this"

      Ninjas descend from ceiling and take a stance.

      "Round one! FIGHT!"

      [Much later]

      And then, just as it seemed the fighting would come to a conclusion, a ship flying a skull and cross bones moored at the local pier...

      • by Elemenope (905108) on Saturday September 01, 2007 @06:07AM (#20432561)

        "The parties are advised to chill."

        On the other hand, Buddhist monks spend a decent amount of their studies on the subject of humor, so maybe this is simply the single greatest cultural practical joke ever perpetrated...a Zen masterpiece.

      • by Anonymous Coward on Saturday September 01, 2007 @07:05AM (#20432793)
        Ninjas were assassins used in feudal Japan and as such, if they were seen, they'd already failed.

        What happened with a Ninja, you would simply be found dead the next morning. Or perhaps never found. That was a successful Ninja. I train in a Japanese system based on fighting styles used in the 15th and 16th century and just for fun, we'll try a few simple techniques that are/were attributed to Ninjas. Now I suspect there really were never Ninjas, but I'll play along for 2 hours to have some fun.

        Typical is that as you walk by somebody (opposite way), if you grab their arm and yank straight down, they will fall. It seems like it shouldn't work, but it does. And it only works if the person doesn't expect it. If you fall backwards quickly like that, you'll be stunned for a second or two. If the attacker has a knife, you could be dead within seconds. That's (to me) the essence of Ninja stuff. Quiet, and striking when your guard is down, and then they're gone.

        Again, I think it's a lot of B.S. but I think the Ninja myth is to Japan what the Cowboy myth is to the U.S. or what the King Arthur myth is to England.
        • Re: (Score:3, Interesting)

          If that's the essence of ninja, then someone's pulling your leg (ha ha) or you are pulling ours. If the ninja has a knife, why not just stab the victim in the first place? Why not throw the knife? Why go thru the extra steps of, first, walking past the victime, and second, yanking his arm?

          Seems more like a mall ninja tactic, what you describe.
          • by pipingguy (566974) *
            Because the fall is the event that gathers passers-by attention and then the stab is done invisibly while pretending to help the guy up. Just walking up and sticking someone attracts too many eyes.

            I remember learning about ninjas some 30 years ago when I heard the story of one who hid in an outhouse covered in shit for hours. It didn't inspire me to become an evil ninja or kill people, but I do strive to be a piping design ninja.
            • So you're saying that the ninja would use the pretense of helping the guy up as a chance to stab him, and then hope that nobody would notice the dead body and rapidly expanding pool of blood while he made good his escape? Interesting technique. I have to agree, I think somebody was pulling your leg.

              The idea of a ninja posing as a good Samaritan with his face exposed in public, not to mention in broad daylight is a good one, though.
              • by pipingguy (566974) *
                I are not an expert on such things, but wearing a mask (or not) and attacking someone in public would probably lead to "he went that way" and a running suspect, would it not?

                My theoretical situation would create enough confusion for the bad guy to walk away, possibly feigning shock or pretending to be looking for a police man or medic. Then again, maybe I've seen too many action movies.

                Again, just theory: this is why cops at a "hot" scene want everyone to stop and take even the innocent into custody;
        • by jahudabudy (714731) on Saturday September 01, 2007 @09:50AM (#20433613)
          Again, I think it's a lot of B.S. but I think the Ninja myth is to Japan what the Cowboy myth is to the U.S. or what the King Arthur myth is to England.

          And just like the cowboy myth, and probably Arthurian legend, there is some historical basis for the ninja legend as well. I have studied (in an informal manner) feudal Japanese samurai culture, and run across some material related to ninja. Ninja basically began as traditional samurai that operated outside the code of Bushido in order to defeat their enemy. One almost certainly apocryphal story I ran across related the origin of "ninja" as follows:
          It was considered a great honor for a samurai in an army attacking a city to be the first one across the city walls. In order to be able to claim the honor of being the first across the walls when battle began, a couple of bright lads got the idea to sneak into the city the night before! It became a short step from there to sneaking inside a city before battle to plant units that would spring up behind a city's defenses, assassinate enemy leaders before battle began, etc. Eventually, a few groups or even clans became willing to hire themselves out to perform such "dishonorable" actions, which naturally became more sophisticated as the "ninjas" gained experience in this type of warfare. But just like any other criminal organization, they didn't exactly advertise; this secrecy is probably what began the myth of the ninja, which was then exaggerated by the clans themselves as a form of PR. But I don't think there is any real consensus on the origin, or even exact role, of the ninja in Japanese society. The very nature of the myth itself makes it difficult to disprove. "The fact that you know nothing about this secret society of invisible assassins merely proves how good they really were!"
          • by packeteer (566398)
            And just like the cowboy myth, and probably Arthurian legend, there is some historical basis for the ninja legend as well

            The cowboy myth's are easy to discuss because there are people alive today who remember meeting cowboys. This is completely different than so called ninjas and Arthurian knights who supposedly existed hundreds of years ago and often had mythic powers.

            I have studied (in an informal manner) feudal Japanese samurai culture,

            And that is why you don't really know what you are talking about. N
    • When you get written up by Reuters, that's when you've arrived.

      Hehe. And 2 weeks ago, another wacky Slashprank [dhnet.be] was [votrejournal.be] all [lalibre.be] over [lequotidiendenamur.be] Belgium's [feedbooster.net] press [7sur7.be] and TV [alinfini.be].

      (Yep, even TV. And yep, they even did showed that glaring goatse on screen. Pixelated, but still clearly recognizable...)

    • Re: (Score:3, Funny)

      by PietjeJantje (917584)
      > Someone just won at Internet trolling.

      I bet he is a pirate.

  • by mdenham (747985) on Saturday September 01, 2007 @04:27AM (#20432257)
    The monks also stated that this alleged ninja must be produced for execution by means of the five-point palm exploding heart technique.
    • by thej1nx (763573) on Saturday September 01, 2007 @04:34AM (#20432281)
      This just in :


      Allesged Ninja has started training to master the One-point forearm indestructible defensive shield of Heavenly protection technique to counter the five-point palm exploding heart technique attack!

      Pirates have issued an official statement claiming "they will still manage to get both of the other parties, although they are not sure about the role of monks in the conflict! Arrrrr!"

    • by Anonymous Coward on Saturday September 01, 2007 @04:45AM (#20432313)
      Mod parent down, (Score: -1, Misremembering Fictional Kung-fu).

      Shaolin monks don't know the five point palm exploding heart technique, which is why Pai Mei was able to use it to massacre a Shaolin temple. Only Pai Mei knows the technique and he teaches it to no one. That is, except...
    • Re: (Score:3, Funny)

      by Anonymous Coward
      I heard the monks will challenge the ninjas to a rematch, but this time they'll field their wrinkly little bald monk who sweeps the temple.
      • by KiloByte (825081)

        I heard the monks will challenge the ninjas to a rematch, but this time they'll field their wrinkly little bald monk who sweeps the temple.
        So, they're really desperate; they wouldn't draw their biggest gun otherwise.
  • just turn up at his door and demand the apology be typed in... why mess about with lawyers... come on, you're Shaolin Monks... you don't need lawyers..
  • The Year is 2007 (Score:5, Insightful)

    by Nymz (905908) on Saturday September 01, 2007 @04:38AM (#20432297) Journal
    The idea of a Shaolin Monk 'considering' legal action, in order to defend himself against a single bulletin board poster, just doesn't have the same impact, when we live in a day and age where another group of religious fighters abduct real reporters, cut of their heads, and post the video with all gurgling noises included, to the internet.
    • by morari (1080535)
      So what you're saying is that the monks should kidnap a ninja and cut his head off for the world to view?
    • by E++99 (880734) on Saturday September 01, 2007 @11:20AM (#20434203) Homepage
      Well, if my kung fu education based on bruce lee movies serves, they have all renounced violence and are living in remorse for all the lives they've taken, and it will only be after this legal action fails at restoring their honor that they will be forced to once again use their deadly skills to their intended effect.
      • Well, if my kung fu education based on bruce lee movies serves, they have all renounced violence and are living in remorse for all the lives they've taken
        Then we'll know the "War Against Terror" is working when we see a bunch of guys named Muhammed performing kung-fu for tourists.
    • by Kagura (843695)
      Parent's post is just like the troll "600 people died in a recent earthquake and you're all worrying about a shaolin monk suing somebody" post... nicely done, though. :(
    • by jollyreaper (513215) on Saturday September 01, 2007 @01:04PM (#20434787)

      The idea of a Shaolin Monk 'considering' legal action, in order to defend himself against a single bulletin board poster, just doesn't have the same impact, when we live in a day and age where another group of religious fighters abduct real reporters, cut of their heads, and post the video with all gurgling noises included, to the internet.
      You're right, especially since the muslims have already got that cool headwrap thing going on with only the eyes showing, not that different from a ninja. If they ever manage to master chi focus blasts, we're screwn! Unless we can find a white man who has learned their ways and can defeat them... American Taliban! But shit, he's already in jail. Still screwn.
  • by Anonymous Coward on Saturday September 01, 2007 @04:38AM (#20432299)
    Ninjas couldn't fight their way out of a wet paper sack.

    This is just a cover story to draw attention away from the fact that several Shaolin Temples, were in fact, recently plundered by pirates.

    Pirates rule.
  • Pirates (Score:4, Funny)

    by Datamonstar (845886) on Saturday September 01, 2007 @04:53AM (#20432341)
    What the hell do the Pirates have to say about all of this?
  • by choseph (1024971) on Saturday September 01, 2007 @04:58AM (#20432357)
    They're just threatening early to discourage people from getting the truth out about the Chuck Norris showdown.
    • by flewp (458359)
      A showdown of Chuck Norris'? Sounds like the big crunch theory is right.

      Two Chuck Norris' dueling it out, with each performing a roundhouse kick that will no doubt, compact the entirety of the universe into a singularity?
  • by tcdk (173945) on Saturday September 01, 2007 @05:14AM (#20432407) Homepage Journal
    1. Record the event
    2. Post on YouTube
    3. Have Large TV network steal it
    4. Post that on YouTube
    5. Get sued by TV network
    6. Now you are a Pirate and can surely kick Ninja ass...
    7. Profit (if you win the lawsuit).
    • Re: (Score:3, Insightful)

      by kaizokuace (1082079)

      7. Profit (if you win the lawsuit).

      Silly rabbit, this is America, the obligatory 'Profit' is only won by the lawyers themselves.
  • by smitty_one_each (243267) * on Saturday September 01, 2007 @05:32AM (#20432461) Homepage Journal
    Ballmer, in the temple, with the chair.
  • 1. Someone claiming that a Ninja defeated one of them
    2. Suing someone for posting on the internet

    Nuff said!
  • by o2sd (1002888) <[moc.liamg] [ta] [86tknai]> on Saturday September 01, 2007 @05:58AM (#20432527) Homepage Journal
    These guys are cool; and by cool, I mean totally sweet.

    Facts:

    1. Ninjas are mammals.
    2. Ninjas fight ALL the time.
    3. The purpose of the ninja is to flip out and kill people.

    Especially note 3 above. The Ninjas probably just went to the Shaolin Temple to talk about tea n shit, and then they just totally flipped out and killed all the monks.

    Anyway, here is some more things about Ninjas.

    Q: Why is everyone so obsessed about ninjas?
    A: Ninjas are the ultimate paradox. On the one hand they don't give a crap, but on the other hand, ninjas are very careful and precise.

    Q: I heard that ninjas are always cruel or mean. What's their problem?
    A: Whoever told you that is a total liar. Just like other mammals, ninjas can be mean OR totally awesome.

    Q: What do ninjas do when they're not cutting off heads or flipping out?
    A: Most of their free time is spent flying, but sometime they stab. (Ask Mark if you don't believe me.)

     
  • by bl8n8r (649187) on Saturday September 01, 2007 @06:04AM (#20432543)
    If he retracts his statement, he'll have a bunch of angry ninjas after him. If he doesn't retract, he's got a whole temple of kung-fu masters on his ass. I can't imagine a more troubling situation.
    • by octal666 (668007)
      Unless, of course, he is a zombie pirate.
    • by geobeck (924637)

      I can't imagine a more troubling situation.

      Solution: Announce to both parties that you will be retracting your statement at a specific place and time. When they show up, you will not be there, but your statement will be read by a lawyer, who will bow out of the situation, and pick up the pieces after the ensuing Rumble, Eastern-Style(TM).

      Just be sure to keep the meeting place secret from pirates, zombies, and vampires, or no one will be able to sort out the rumble rules.

      • Re: (Score:3, Funny)

        by geobeck (924637)

        Just be sure to keep the meeting place secret from pirates, zombies, and vampires...

        Oh yeah, that means make sure the lawyer doesn't tell any of his colleagues.

    • by eli pabst (948845)
      Sounds like a Kurosawa film.
  • Shaolin monks are pretty cool, and their kung-fu is very awesome. However, there seems to be this aura of invincibility around their martial arts masters. People are so amazed at their abilities that they think beating them in a fight is such a huge deal. If this is the case, how come shaolin kung-fu masters aren't winning UFC championships and such? The reason is simple. Shaolin kung-fu is easily beaten by powerful grappling just as easily as scissor beats paper. When a huge Zangeif type person grabs all t
    • Re: (Score:3, Insightful)

      Grappling is suitably only for one-on-one, preferably caged and regulated, matches. A ninja would kill a grappler from a distance. An army of Shaolin monks would kill and army of grapplers in minutes.
      • Re: (Score:2, Interesting)

        Well ninjas use ninja stars and throwing knives so it isn't fair. C'mon, ninjas are assassins primarily, meaning, if you were to be killed by one, you probably wouldn't have seen him coming. It's like putting Fedor Emelianenko against a sniper.
        • Re: (Score:2, Interesting)

          by Palpitations (1092597)
          Interesting you bring up this point. I have spoken with several very experienced martial artists (see my other comment, here [slashdot.org]), and one common recurring theme that came up was that a sniper was the closest thing to a ninja you could find today.

          Use what's available, have the element of surprise on your side, kill without being seen, and get out safely. Sure sounds like a sniper to me. With that sentiment coming largely from someone who is highly trained in Kung Fu, has a few high caliber rifles, and some
      • Hmm.. let's analyze this:

        One grappler versus one monk = grappler wins.

        Equal number of grapplers versus monks = grapplers win.

        Grapplers outnumber monks = grapplers win.

        Monks outnumber grapplers = monks win.

        Weapons versus no weapons = weapons win...

        Best combo: grapplers with bayonet/assault rifle.
        • by ardor (673957)
          Best combo: grapplers with bayonet/assault rifle.

          Or: Chuck Norris with a M16.
          • Re: (Score:3, Funny)

            by mazarin5 (309432)

            Best combo: grapplers with bayonet/assault rifle.

            Or: Chuck Norris with a M16.


            Pfft. Just give Chuck Norris M16 rounds.
      • Re:Not invincible (Score:5, Informative)

        by Palpitations (1092597) on Saturday September 01, 2007 @07:22AM (#20432863)
        As you touched on, one of the largest issues is that of regulated matches versus real life-or-death combat. Even with grappling - in a ring, a responsible fighter may put a lock on you that could easily destroy your joints, but only apply enough force to make you submit. The same goes for strikes.

        As an example - a friend of mine is an assistant Kung Fu trainer. His Sifu has somewhere around 20 generations of Shaolin Kung Fu training behind him (as well as a style of Kung Fu that his great-great-great-great-etc. etc.-grandfather created). He started training basically as soon as he could stand, and studied under Bruce Lee for some time.

        Get in a ring with him, and he'll destroy you - but you'll still walk away. Bruised, battered, and damn near ripped limb from limb, most likely wishing you had never even considered the fight, but you'll walk away in one piece. Someone who didn't know of his training tried mugging him - pulling a knife on him. By the time his attacker hit the ground he had 3 broken ribs, a fractured skull, a broken jaw, a broken leg, and an arm broken in three places (if I'm recalling correctly. I may have mixed up an arm broken in 3 places for a leg broken in 3, but the injuries are in general accurate). That was his measured response to assure that he was no longer in any sort of danger, the man could have been dead before his body dropped.

        It's very hard to judge the effectiveness of one fighting style versus another unless you're looking at two people who are really out for blood.
        • by Colin Smith (2679) on Saturday September 01, 2007 @11:13AM (#20434163)
          The martial arts... Karate, Kung-fu, ju-jitsu and the rest were never designed as competitive sports. They were self defence systems. And they were and are brutally effective if trained and practised that way. The very idea that one is better than another is complete bullshit, they were never meant to be used against other martial artists, they were meant to be used against aggressive but largely untrained attackers.

          However, the last hundred years many of them have turned into sports. You are no longer allowed to gouge out your opponent's eyes, fishhook their mouths or attack other dangerous points like the neck, throat, groin, back or stamp on them on the ground. Instead you score points, playing tag in the ring. This pretty much leaves you with punches and kicks. The original techniques that are encoded into the forms or kata are either hidden, forgotten or simply not trained.

          Now, the concept that karate and Kung-fu are purely striking systems is utter, utter bollocks. The forms and kata of both systems have joint locks, chokes, strangles, throws, gouges built in for all to see, if you know what you're looking at. Yes, much of which can be used on the ground. You just have to recognise them and practise. Ju-jitsu originally had a fair level of striking in it as well.

          If you're practising karate, kung-fu purely as a striking system then what you are practising is kickboxing, not karate, not kung-fu. Practising ju-jitsu without kicks and punches it's not ju-jitsu.

           
          • Re: (Score:3, Insightful)

            by try_anything (880404)

            The martial arts... Karate, Kung-fu, ju-jitsu and the rest were never designed as competitive sports. They were self defence systems. And they were and are brutally effective if trained and practised that way.

            These days, discounting war zones and Brazilian slums where even the Gracies wouldn't go, the only people who get to train at all are the ones who do so under rules designed to prevent death and serious injury. A technique that isn't practiced and polished in actual use is worthless, so the professio

            • by Colin Smith (2679) on Saturday September 01, 2007 @05:27PM (#20436159)

              Techniques that can't be practiced in balls-out unrestrained competition
              For a start... There is no such thing. How exactly do I practise breaking someone's neck in "unrestrained competition"? All training has to be restrained, by definition. It's training, not real life. All competition has to be restrained, by definition. It's competition, not real life.

              Now we have that out of the way, I agree, the more realistic the training the better the practitioner will perform. Hence things like "Animal Day [summersdale.com]". And other forms of non compliant training.

              Sport styles are not the antithesis of practical self-defense styles; they are the practical self-defense styles.
              Sorry to burst your bubble, but, no they are not. If it has rules, the training is inappropriate for the street. You have to get rid of the rules, which makes the training inappropriate for competition. UFC for example specifically prohibits the following... So the fighters simply won't practice the techniques.

              1. Butting with the head.
              2. Eye gouging of any kind.
              3. Biting.
              4. Hair pulling.
              5. Fish hooking.
              6. Groin attacks of any kind.
              7. Putting a finger into any orifice or into any cut or laceration on an opponent.
              8. Small joint manipulation.
              9. Striking to the spine or the back of the head.
              10. Striking downward using the point of the elbow.
              11. Throat strikes of any kind, including, without limitation, grabbing the trachea.
              12. Clawing, pinching or twisting the flesh.
              13. Grabbing the clavicle.
              14. Kicking the head of a grounded opponent.

              I'll stop quoting the UFC rules here, because it reads like a list of the "vital points" that a martial artist who's training for self defence will attack given the slightest opportunity. Eyes, throat, groin, my first three targets. And it isn't just me. Have a look at the Bubishi, hundreds of years old and they were aiming at the same targets then. Yes, I bite, gouge, fish hook, I strike down using my elbow with my full body weight and power on ribs, backs, necks, just anything I can reach.

              As you should too if you want to defend yourself.
               
              • Re: (Score:3, Insightful)

                by try_anything (880404)

                For a start... There is no such thing. How exactly do I practise breaking someone's neck in "unrestrained competition"?

                That's exactly my point. You've never broken a neck. You can't break a neck. You only know of some techniques that, if you had the chance to practice them, would probably result in applicable skill at breaking people's necks. By imposing rules about techniques, sport martial arts allow people to be unrestrained in the amount of speed and power they employ. You're right, it's still a c

    • The other thing to consider: death blows are illegal in UFC. Many martial arts use these as way to quickly kill or debilitate your opponent. I wouldn't want to see it otherwise, but something to consider nonetheless if you're to compare grapplers to other martial arts. And not to say grapplers don't know or can't figure it out these moves. But I'm sure there are still some moves and techniques that are not known to the public.
    • Re: (Score:3, Insightful)

      I know I shouldn't feed a blatant troll here, but I just have to say that this idea of the UFC being the de facto benchmark as to how "good" a martial art(ist) is makes me laugh. Anyone who's trained seriously in martial arts will tell you that true masters would have absolutely no interest in UFC not because they're incapable of winning or afraid to compete, but because it's obvious showmanship and goes against most martial arts principles particularly "leaving fighting as a last resort". Anyone who ach
    • Re:Not invincible (Score:5, Informative)

      by svendsen (1029716) on Saturday September 01, 2007 @08:01AM (#20433025)
      The problem with UFC is it is an event designed to favor grapplers from the start. First my background:

      Uechi-Ryu Karate (hard style, Japanese)
      Kick Boxing
      Hwa Rang Do (koren, has your normal stuff + pressure points, grappling, weapons)
      5 years as a bouncer
      Aikido
      And a few other styles I did has my travels took me everywhere..

      Grappling in a 1v1 controlled situation is VERY strong. If I faced the grappler the odds are I would lose, why? Because a lot of my moves are fingers to the eyes, strikes to the throat, kicks to knees, groin, palm strikes to the chins to snap the neck, etc. A normal response is well ya you are trying to have 2 guys fight not kill each other. Which is the point.

      In a UFC type style competition they don't train to really defend themselves in the same as other styles. The rules are designed to favor those training just to compete in UFC.

      As an ex bouncer of 5 years at a college bar (300+ people a night) if you grappled someone in real life you'd be dead. Got on top of someone and their friends WILL club you with bottles, or kick your head, stabbed, etc. I did see one guy grapple someone and see the guys friend pick up a chair and smash.

      Grapple someone and land on the shitty floor on glass, cement, etc. you are very likely to hurt yourself also. Grappling also requires some room to mover and shot in. You don't have that in a crowded bar. You don't need room to take your fingers and jab it into someone's throat.

      This isn't to put down grappling people. They are very strong, fit, skilled, etc. From my experience in the real world grappling is not what you want to use.
    • Re: (Score:3, Interesting)

      by jma05 (897351)
      > If this is the case, how come shaolin kung-fu masters aren't winning UFC championships and such?

      Ai yai yai. One of those YouTube arguments again? Shaolin Kung Fu is a "Martial" art. It was designed for the battle field (albeit in a firearm free era). There have been historical instances where the monks used their art to fight entire army (shaolin temple was destroyed when the army was not happy with the outcome of the first match and declared a rematch - without telling the monks first) and yes, pirate
      • by belmolis (702863)

        most martial arts were meant to be used in conjunction with weapons

        Some were, but there are important traditions in the martial arts that developed for use by people without weapons (though often against opponents with weapons). One motivation for this was that in Japan commoners were forbidden to possess most weapons. The very word karate literally means "empty hands", that is, no weapons. (Compare karaoke "empty orchestra".)

    • WTF do you think all the fancy bullshit "blocks" really are?

      Real kung fu isn't what you see on TV or on the movies. That is ballet or gymnastics. Real kung fu is up close, personal and brutal.

      The reason they aren't on UFC, it's American, and most of the American kung-fu practitioners have no clue what the movements they're practising really mean.

       
  • by kae_verens (523642) on Saturday September 01, 2007 @06:52AM (#20432767) Homepage
    Ninja's do not do competitions. This is something that Maasaki Hatsumi has said - there will never be an official Bujinkan representative at any competition.

    As for the past - why would a ninja be so stupid as to fight in a tournament? The way a ninja fights is not in the open - they sneak and kill in secret, and only fight hand-to-hand when there is no alternative.

    Would a ninja beat an entire group of shaolin monks? You bet. Wait for them to go to sleep, then pick them off one by one. Easy as pie.
  • Ninjas beat The Tick in a fight. Arthur unavailable for comment. Wikipedia Entry [wikipedia.org] alleged tainted by Ninja employees. 'SPOOOOON' catch phrase reportedly up for sale on Ebay.

    This is Barry (the Tick) reporting.
  • "Five Minutes a Day" can at least be assured that the Shaolin Temple won't be sending Ninjas after them...

    You might not be able to beat a Shaolin Master, but at least you will be likely to see them first :P
  • Bullshit (Score:2, Insightful)

    by Mystery00 (1100379)
    I call this story most probably mostly or completely bullshit .

    Even if there is some truth to this, there's something else going on in the background, I seriously doubt any self-respecting monk would bother suing over some online comment. It doesn't make sense to me.

  • by constantnormal (512494) on Saturday September 01, 2007 @08:38AM (#20433209)
    ... until you can snatch the pebble from my palm, you will be pursued by lawyers and other creatures of the night.

    I wonder what kind of process server Shaolin monks would use to serve notice to a ninja? I seems this might be the basis for a TV sitcom, with each episode having the hapless process server falling back to devise a new approach to sneak up on the ninja and serve the papers.
  • The world needs more humour, especially certain parts of the world. The presence of humour in a society should be used to gauge its civility, tolerance and sophistication.

    England used to be pretty good (Monty Python) but I think America has taken the lead unintentionally via Bushisms.

    Now please slap me with a fish.
  • I have to say, being one myself, I don't think any ninja would have the time or energy to waste on little things such as pride. I would more so believe that some bystander saw something relating to a duel where there was a need for defense on some level and it is quite possible that a ninja could beat a monk or a monk could beat a ninja...depends on the level they are at.

    A Koga region ninja could very easily beat a shaolin monk , but might have problems with a white crane kung-fu master....why, diff. styles
  • I'd sue too if I was beat by these guys [hawaii.edu].
  • I'd be glad they're only threatening legal action. You wouldn't want them to come do the Shaolin version of a blanket party on you for posting a story about them, would you?

    Just think about it -- Shaolin monks gone Mafia -- "I hear you said bad things about us, (beatings) that's not going to happen again, (more beatings) is it?"

The first version always gets thrown away.

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