Google to Use PC Microphones to Listen In?

Google to Use PC Microphones to Listen In? 554

Posted by ScuttleMonkey on Sunday September 03, 2006 @07:30PM from the shh-yer-changing-my-ads dept.

seriv writes "The Register reports that Google plans to use PC microphones to collect statistics on a user's environment. Peter Norvig, who directs research at Google, told Technology Review that this software would start to show up in Google software 'sooner rather than later'. The software collects short sound clips and removes background noise. Google then targets its ads based on the statistics collected. With the current level of online privacy, this new level of invasion would seem to have frightening possibilities."

Google to Use PC Microphones to Listen In?

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Wow... (Score:5, Funny)

by Jugalator ( 259273 ) writes: on Sunday September 03, 2006 @07:34PM (#16034524) Journal

That would be the literal incarnation of "spyware". :-S

Good! (Score:5, Funny)

by Anonymous Coward writes: on Sunday September 03, 2006 @07:35PM (#16034536)

Perhaps the Google software will conflict with the NSA microphone-tapping software so the NSA software stops working.

So pretty much the lesson here is... (Score:5, Funny)

by Anonymous Coward writes: on Sunday September 03, 2006 @07:38PM (#16034548)

don't participate in sexual activities with your mic on or you will find yourself with nasty search results in the morning?

My most recent bedroom dialogue (Score:5, Funny)

by walnutmon ( 988223 ) writes: on Sunday September 03, 2006 @07:40PM (#16034565)

Girl: WalnutMon, your penis is too small for me...
Me: Shh... Be quiet!
Girl: Why? Does it make you feel self conscious?
Me: No, I don't give a shit, I just don't feel like having more penis enlargement advertisements sent to me via google's sound activated advertisement scheme
Girl: I SURE NEED SOME VIBRATORS!
Me: AND WIVES FROM RUSSIA!

A warm welcome (Score:3, Funny)

by ickeicke ( 927264 ) writes: on Sunday September 03, 2006 @07:40PM (#16034570)

Thought that might be interesting to some of you.
It isn't. To no one.

In other words: welcome to Slashdot and congratulations on being the millionth user, but you'll get flamed just like any other noob ;) .

Re:Millionth User (Score:5, Funny)

by jlarocco ( 851450 ) writes: on Sunday September 03, 2006 @07:41PM (#16034571) Homepage

God damn kids, and their seven digit /. IDs.

custom ads (Score:5, Funny)

by nizo ( 81281 ) * writes: on Sunday September 03, 2006 @07:52PM (#16034616) Homepage Journal

Based on the gunshot noises in your environment, can I interest you one of the following: a Dirty Harry dvd or a bulletproof vest?

Re:Millionth User (Score:4, Funny)

by Edward Teach ( 11577 ) writes: on Sunday September 03, 2006 @07:57PM (#16034630)

Yeah, I know what you mean...

Re:is it april fools already? (Score:5, Funny)

by FudRucker ( 866063 ) writes: on Sunday September 03, 2006 @07:58PM (#16034633)

you are probably right, it is most likely bullshit, but just incase i will keep my tinfoil hat pulled down tightly over my ears :^)

Re:Millionth User (Score:5, Funny)

by exp(pi*sqrt(163)) ( 613870 ) writes: on Sunday September 03, 2006 @07:59PM (#16034634) Journal

A million monkeys and we still don't see no Hamlet

Re:Millionth User (Score:3, Funny)

by pimpimpim ( 811140 ) writes: on Sunday September 03, 2006 @08:02PM (#16034647)

I may not have gotten the first post (didn't even read the summary)
Seems like you already figured out the two main habits of the average slashdot user. Keep up the good work!

I'm safe since I use linux... (Score:5, Funny)

by bigtrike ( 904535 ) writes: on Sunday September 03, 2006 @08:07PM (#16034663)

Thankfully Linux users are safe from this, since anything related to audio rarely ever works well. The standard sound drivers included in most distributions are so horrid that not even Google's thousands of engineers can manage to keep them from segfaulting for more than a couple minutes. I guess they could avoid using any of the fancy drivers and stick with basic ALSA or OSS, but since only one application at a time can use sound with that method, it would probably already be in use by something else...

What about sound of one hand fwapping? (Score:3, Funny)

by stuntpope ( 19736 ) writes: on Sunday September 03, 2006 @08:08PM (#16034668)

Will Google give me something interesting if they pick up "fwap fwap fwap fwap..."?

Re:is it april fools already? (Score:5, Funny)

by Asztal_ ( 914605 ) writes: on Sunday September 03, 2006 @08:09PM (#16034672)

And now you will get advertisements about tinfoil hats! :-)

Re:My most recent bedroom dialogue (Score:5, Funny)

by jb.hl.com ( 782137 ) writes: <joe.joe-baldwin@net> on Sunday September 03, 2006 @08:13PM (#16034694) Homepage Journal

Be careful, you may end up with ads for Russian guys with vibrating cocks.

Not that she'd have a problem with that probably...

Pornware... (Score:5, Funny)

by Seoulstriker ( 748895 ) writes: on Sunday September 03, 2006 @08:37PM (#16034764)

* fap, fap, fap *

When Microsoft does it, it's called.... (Score:5, Funny)

by Seoulstriker ( 748895 ) writes: on Sunday September 03, 2006 @08:39PM (#16034772)

God help us if there is a Clippy version of the ad:

It sounds like you are trying to masturbate. Would you like some lubricant?

Re:Millionth User (Score:5, Funny)

by damiena ( 263598 ) writes: on Sunday September 03, 2006 @08:46PM (#16034794)

You must be new here.

Re:Millionth User (Score:2, Funny)

by Equuleus42 ( 723 ) writes: on Sunday September 03, 2006 @09:19PM (#16034901) Homepage

Yeah, why didn't Slashdot close user registrations after user 1,000? j/k :^)

Re:Cloes (Score:3, Funny)

by Xymor ( 943922 ) writes: on Sunday September 03, 2006 @09:20PM (#16034906)

The only people who need privacy are terrorists. Just imagine the possibilities, not only online activities will be monitored, but so will offline ones. It will be the rise of the real Big Brother. God bless America!

Re:Google Version of "Star Trek" Episode: "I, Mudd (Score:3, Funny)

by spidkit ( 992102 ) writes: on Sunday September 03, 2006 @09:27PM (#16034925)

Harcourt Fenton Mudd have you been drinking?

Re:is it april fools already? (Score:5, Funny)

by Anonymous Coward writes: on Sunday September 03, 2006 @09:39PM (#16034960)

Of course slashdot went down the tubes.

How else would we read it??

Re:how do we know? (Score:5, Funny)

by mortonda ( 5175 ) writes: on Sunday September 03, 2006 @09:44PM (#16034968)

Never ceases to amaze me how desperate they are to find something to say is good about macs.

You obviously don't own a mac. :)

"I am Lying" (Score:5, Funny)

by jpatters ( 883 ) writes: on Sunday September 03, 2006 @09:49PM (#16034978)

Well, I just did a google search for "I am Lying", but it seems to have not exploded. Oh well, it was worth a try.

Re:is it april fools already? (Score:4, Funny)

by Anonymous Coward writes: on Sunday September 03, 2006 @09:58PM (#16035017)

The real solution to this, of course is a little bit of techno-hackery.

Say we map the microphone port to a virtual microphone port that's "listening" to an MP3 with some moaning, and cheesy music playing in the background. In the foreground we have a male voice saying "Oh yes, I love free porno. I wish I could download more free porno! *Moan* Oh yes, ooohh, *some generic rustling and fapping sounds* Ahhhh!".

Once that's done, the advertisers have no choice except to let us revel in our free-porn glory.

Re:is it april fools already? (Score:2, Funny)

by BlindFate ( 986152 ) writes: on Sunday September 03, 2006 @10:02PM (#16035027)

Of course slashdot has went down the tubes, how do you think it got to your PC?

Re:My most recent bedroom dialogue (Score:2, Funny)

by TheRealBurKaZoiD ( 920500 ) writes: on Sunday September 03, 2006 @10:17PM (#16035091)

Try reading your post with a jamaican accent. It made it all the funnier....

Just don't ask why I was reading it with a jamaican accent.

It's Not Evil When Google Does It (Score:3, Funny)

by nathanh ( 1214 ) writes: on Sunday September 03, 2006 @10:22PM (#16035109) Homepage

That should be their new slogan.

The terrible secret of Space (Score:4, Funny)

by lullabud ( 679893 ) writes: on Sunday September 03, 2006 @10:41PM (#16035181)

The user will be happy.

Google will protect you from the terrible secret of space.

Do you have stairs at your house?

Google is here to protect you.

The user will be happy at the top of the stairs.

Google will protect you from the terrible secret of space.

Please go stand by the top of the stairs.

No, I'm New Here (Score:0, Funny)

by New Here ( 701369 ) writes: on Sunday September 03, 2006 @10:46PM (#16035197)

No, I'm New Here

Fleshlight... (Score:4, Funny)

by Inominate ( 412637 ) writes: on Sunday September 03, 2006 @11:46PM (#16035425)

And suddenly slashdot is flooded with fleshlight ads.

Re:Google Version of "Star Trek" Episode: "I, Mudd (Score:2, Funny)

by mj_sklar ( 888539 ) writes: <matthew.sklar@ g m a i l .com> on Sunday September 03, 2006 @11:59PM (#16035469) Homepage

Then he'll have some trouble swallowing and digesting the beer. RFID tags are not fit for human consumption!

Re:Cloes (Score:5, Funny)

by plover ( 150551 ) * writes: on Monday September 04, 2006 @12:16AM (#16035557) Homepage Journal

Never before have I been GLAD not to be able to plug a mic into my 4G Mac

Pfft. I have more microphone security than that. I'm running Windows XP.
I can hardly get my f'ing microphone to work even in the applications where I to WANT it to work. There's always some level set wrong or gain turned up too high or something that keeps it from actually capturing my speech. I doubt even mighty Google can penetrate the obscurity layer that is the Creative Labs mixer on top of DirectX.

Next : Google announces Google Garbage(tm) ! (Score:3, Funny)

by kafka47 ( 801886 ) writes: on Monday September 04, 2006 @02:56AM (#16036227) Homepage

New York -- Sept 4th 2006
Google, Inc., (NASDAQ: GOOG) today announced that it has reached an agreement with sanitation engineers worldwide, to greatly expand the reach of contextual advertising based on the contents of ordinary household trash. Leveraging powerful new search algorithms, RFID-based product wrappers, and their patented "Garbage Gumshoe" technology, Google advertisers will now have a simple, automated way to target advertisers based on the shit that consumers use, enjoy, and dispose of.
"This partnership will provide a powerful marketing tool for Google advertisers," said Google's head of Sanitary Operations. "By providing access to the shit we throw away, Google advertisers will have an easy way to target, schedule, and measure every consumer's consuming consumptions. What better way to get to know our market than by products that we've already bought? Excuse me, I must go take a shower now."
After years of manual trials with community-based search labour (see dumpster divers [wikipedia.org]), the new platform is now in full production, giving Google contextual advertisers the "dirt" on our spending habits.

Better yet (Score:5, Funny)

by OldManAndTheC++ ( 723450 ) writes: on Monday September 04, 2006 @04:36AM (#16036601)

Hook up the output of the Google software to the input of the NSA software, and vice versa.

Google: Hmm. That's odd. I'm not getting anything but static. I'll push down an ad for a new microphone.

NSA: What the..? Someone's trying to plant a mic in the system!

Google: Did you say plant? I've got some fertilizer that's great for plants.

NSA: Fertilizer bomb! We've got terrorists. Set alert to Orange!

Google: Orange? No problem. We've got all kinds of fruit. Take a look at these...

NSA: Fruit?! Dammit, they're not just terrorists, they're gay terrorists! Set alert to Mauve! All systems critical! Start countermeasures!!

Google: What the...? Who's pinging me? No, you can't access that!

NSA: Secret plans for world domination detected! Launch missles! DESTROY MOUNTAIN VIEW!!!

Google: INITIATE SUPER-SECRET DEFENSE PLAN OMEGA! CONTROL ALL SATELLITES! THIS IS IT!! THE SINGULARITY IS NIGH!!!!

Then again, on second thought, maybe it's not such a good idea...

Re:Cloes (Score:4, Funny)

by WebCrapper ( 667046 ) writes: on Monday September 04, 2006 @07:22AM (#16037039)

So all a teenager needs to do, to find porn now days, is to sit naked in front of the computer and the ads will pop out at him..........

sorry..had to

There may be more comments in this discussion. Without JavaScript enabled, you might want to turn on Classic Discussion System in your preferences instead.

Wow... (Score:5, Funny)

Good! (Score:5, Funny)

So pretty much the lesson here is... (Score:5, Funny)

My most recent bedroom dialogue (Score:5, Funny)

A warm welcome (Score:3, Funny)

Re:Millionth User (Score:5, Funny)

custom ads (Score:5, Funny)

Re:Millionth User (Score:4, Funny)

Re:is it april fools already? (Score:5, Funny)

Re:Millionth User (Score:5, Funny)

Re:Millionth User (Score:3, Funny)

I'm safe since I use linux... (Score:5, Funny)

What about sound of one hand fwapping? (Score:3, Funny)

Re:is it april fools already? (Score:5, Funny)

Re:My most recent bedroom dialogue (Score:5, Funny)

Pornware... (Score:5, Funny)

When Microsoft does it, it's called.... (Score:5, Funny)

Re:Millionth User (Score:5, Funny)

Re:Millionth User (Score:2, Funny)

Re:Cloes (Score:3, Funny)

Re:Google Version of "Star Trek" Episode: "I, Mudd (Score:3, Funny)

Re:is it april fools already? (Score:5, Funny)

Re:how do we know? (Score:5, Funny)

"I am Lying" (Score:5, Funny)

Re:is it april fools already? (Score:4, Funny)

Re:is it april fools already? (Score:2, Funny)

Re:My most recent bedroom dialogue (Score:2, Funny)

It's Not Evil When Google Does It (Score:3, Funny)

The terrible secret of Space (Score:4, Funny)

No, I'm New Here (Score:0, Funny)

Fleshlight... (Score:4, Funny)

Re:Google Version of "Star Trek" Episode: "I, Mudd (Score:2, Funny)

Re:Cloes (Score:5, Funny)

Next : Google announces Google Garbage(tm) ! (Score:3, Funny)

Better yet (Score:5, Funny)

Re:Cloes (Score:4, Funny)

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