Goldfish Smarter Than Dolphins

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Goldfish Smarter Than Dolphins 530

Posted by ScuttleMonkey on Monday August 21, 2006 @02:46AM from the flying-in-the-face-of-popular-opinion dept.

flergum writes "While dolphins may have big brains, laboratory rats and goldfish can outwit them. It appears that the large brains are a function of their environment rather than intelligence. From the article: 'Dolphins have a superabundance of glia and very few neurons... The dolphin's brain is not made for information processing it is designed to counter the thermal challenges of being a mammal in water.' I guess this means that the Navy will start recruiting and training goldfish for those mine search and destroy missions."

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Goldfish Smarter Than Dolphins

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Smart is one thing... (Score:5, Funny)

by BiggerIsBetter ( 682164 ) writes: on Monday August 21, 2006 @02:50AM (#15946898)

...but don't goldfish only have a 3 second memory?

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But who will rise up... (Score:5, Funny)

by LuminaireX ( 949185 ) writes: on Monday August 21, 2006 @02:52AM (#15946902)

And thank us for all the fish? Surely goldfish don't eat themselves.

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Re:Smart is one thing... (Score:5, Funny)

by FromageTheDog ( 775349 ) writes: on Monday August 21, 2006 @02:53AM (#15946904)

What are we talking about, again?

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Goldfish smarter? (Score:5, Funny)

by BigZaphod ( 12942 ) writes: on Monday August 21, 2006 @02:54AM (#15946906) Homepage

I doubt it. I think this is just exactly what the dolphins want us to think. Perhaps they are hoping that we'll leave them alone if we think they're all idiots and they can get back to the heavy schedule of light swimming and intricate whistling they had planned.

Well I'm on to you, dolphins! I'm putting the word out! I know you're smarter than goldfish and .. er.... wait.. a dolphin just called me and asked how long I could hold my breath. I think this worries me...

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The only thing smarter than a goldfish (Score:5, Funny)

by puddpunk ( 629383 ) writes: <puddpunk@gmail.com> on Monday August 21, 2006 @02:58AM (#15946912) Homepage

Is a person that can figure out how to train an animal with a 3 second attention span:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8bt6K521o3Y [youtube.com]

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Re:Goldfish smarter? (Score:2, Funny)

by Almenius ( 926997 ) writes: on Monday August 21, 2006 @02:58AM (#15946914)

Precisely. The only thing goldfish can say is Bob.

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Smarter or more suicidal? (Score:5, Funny)

by DoctaWatson ( 38667 ) writes: on Monday August 21, 2006 @02:59AM (#15946917)

FTA: "If you don't put a lid on top of the bowl a goldfish it will eventually jump out to enlarge the environment it is living in,"

Truly an astounding display of cognition.

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Douglas Adams will need to change the title to (Score:5, Funny)

by Rik Sweeney ( 471717 ) writes: on Monday August 21, 2006 @03:00AM (#15946923) Homepage

So long, and thanks for all the flakes

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Evolution says otherwise (Score:4, Funny)

by aktzin ( 882293 ) writes: on Monday August 21, 2006 @03:02AM (#15946928)

This is nonsense. The Onion, America's Finest News Source, clearly proved this claim is totally without merit in this informative scientific article:
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28315 [theonion.com]
So as you can see, Douglas Adams was right all along!

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Re:Smart is one thing... (Score:5, Funny)

by Splab ( 574204 ) writes: on Monday August 21, 2006 @03:09AM (#15946946)

Well they did say it in a movie... And we all know that what we see in movies are real, don't we?

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Somebody has to say it (Score:4, Funny)

by scarlac ( 768893 ) writes: on Monday August 21, 2006 @03:14AM (#15946962) Homepage

I for one welcome our new Goldfish Overlords

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Goldfish Anomolies (Score:5, Funny)

by umbrellasd ( 876984 ) writes: on Monday August 21, 2006 @03:18AM (#15946974)

In a related story, goldfish have also been found to be smarter than the scientists that came up with this very inconclusive study.
. o o O ( Where are all the giant-brained goldfish? )

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Fish are so passe... (Score:5, Funny)

by null etc. ( 524767 ) writes: on Monday August 21, 2006 @03:18AM (#15946975)

I'd take an octopus any day of the week! Not only are they excellent problem solvers, they give good massages.

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Re:Bugs and rats smarter than people???? (Score:5, Funny)

by kfg ( 145172 ) * writes: on Monday August 21, 2006 @03:20AM (#15946981)

Does that make the fly smarter than me?

Who won?

I guess a rat brain in a pilot's uniform doesn't pick up as much skirt though.

No, but I'd hazard that a rat brain in a rat picks up a fair bit of tail.

KFG

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Dolphin != smart (Score:1, Funny)

by Anonymous Coward writes: on Monday August 21, 2006 @03:23AM (#15946987)

Dolphins are also not so intelligent on land [theonion.com].

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Re:Think I prefer dolphins (Score:4, Funny)

by mano_k ( 588614 ) writes: on Monday August 21, 2006 @03:30AM (#15947007) Homepage

I'm quite sure goldfish would be equaly heroic, if they only got the opportunity!

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in that case (Score:2, Funny)

by tenorslowworm ( 893644 ) writes: on Monday August 21, 2006 @03:35AM (#15947020)

I, for one, defy our would-be dolphin overlords!

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neurons in the navy ? (Score:1, Funny)

by Anonymous Coward writes: on Monday August 21, 2006 @03:38AM (#15947031)

' I guess this means that the Navy will start recruiting and training goldfish for those mine search and destroy missions."

Nope, in the navy, neurons are not mandatory.

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Navy Finding Nemo (Score:2, Funny)

by Kuvter ( 882697 ) writes: on Monday August 21, 2006 @03:41AM (#15947040) Homepage

In future news two sequels to Finding Nemo will come out "Recruiting Nemo" and "Training Nemo".

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Re:Smart is one thing... (Score:5, Funny)

by arduous ( 91558 ) writes: on Monday August 21, 2006 @03:44AM (#15947046) Homepage

Hey! Where did that cool plastic castle come from?

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Re:Smart is one thing... (Score:5, Funny)

by Hawkxor ( 693408 ) writes: on Monday August 21, 2006 @03:55AM (#15947072)

doo...doo...doo...
Hey! Where did that cool plastic castle come from?

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Another successful disinformation campaign .. (Score:4, Funny)

by cheros ( 223479 ) writes: on Monday August 21, 2006 @03:59AM (#15947086)

#23: Delude humans. Check.

You guys have obviously already forgotten about the mice then? :-)

= Ch =

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Obligatory (Score:2, Funny)

by atomicstrawberry ( 955148 ) writes: on Monday August 21, 2006 @04:06AM (#15947102)

So goldfish are able to jump out of their bowls... but what we really need to know in order to sort this out is can they run Linux?

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What's your point? (Score:5, Funny)

by Jesus IS the Devil ( 317662 ) writes: on Monday August 21, 2006 @04:24AM (#15947154)

People dumber than fish have been known to become presidents....

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Re:Smart is one thing... (Score:2, Funny)

by Savage-Rabbit ( 308260 ) writes: on Monday August 21, 2006 @04:47AM (#15947197)

What are we talking about, again?

Pesident Regan?!?!? You speak to us from the beyond!!

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Re:Smart is one thing... (Score:3, Funny)

by flumps ( 240328 ) writes: <matt.corby@gBALDWINmail.com minus author> on Monday August 21, 2006 @04:53AM (#15947208) Homepage

Dr. Evil: You know, I have one simple request. And that is to have dolphins with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads! Now evidently my cycloptic colleague informs me that that cannot be done. Ah, would you remind me what I pay you people for, honestly? Throw me a bone here! What do we have?

Number Two: Gold fish.

Dr. Evil: [pause] Right.
Number Two: They're mutated Gold fish.
Dr. Evil: Are they ill tempered?
Number Two: Absolutely.
Dr. Evil: Oh well, that's a start.

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Dolphins still TASTE better than Goldfish (Score:3, Funny)

by tezza ( 539307 ) writes: on Monday August 21, 2006 @05:12AM (#15947237)

As a Delphinidaephile I can recommend Tempura Dolphin loin with Soy Sauce.
The only comparable goldfish dish is too much like Whitebait.

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Re:Is it only me... (Score:1, Funny)

by Anonymous Coward writes: on Monday August 21, 2006 @05:28AM (#15947269)

It started out sounding good, somewhere in the middle I started thinking he was full of shit. By the end, he was flaimbaiting dolphins. "Well if you dolphins were so fucking smart, you wouldn't be dying in tuna nets, now would you?! You fucking idiot dolphins!"

I think a dolphin stole his girlfriend.

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Re:U.S. Navy: Dolphins are Damned Smart (Score:2, Funny)

by Anonymous Coward writes: on Monday August 21, 2006 @05:41AM (#15947299)

Oh come on, you can't possibly believe this bullshit.

He's a dolphin, he'll believe whatever the govt tells him.

Now, if he were a goldfish ...

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Obligatory Simpsons quotation (Score:4, Funny)

by Ed Avis ( 5917 ) writes: <ed@membled.com> on Monday August 21, 2006 @05:45AM (#15947308) Homepage

Bart and Lisa are doing some recycling of those plastic ring things that hold six-packs of beer together.

Lisa: And, you have to cut these up first. Otherwise, animals get caught in them.

Bart: Only the stupid ones.

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Re:The only thing smarter than a goldfish (Score:5, Funny)

by Mr. Hankey ( 95668 ) writes: on Monday August 21, 2006 @06:36AM (#15947406) Homepage

What do you mean, magnets? Everyone knows gold's a non-ferrous metal.

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Re:Smart is one thing... (Score:3, Funny)

by thesandtiger ( 819476 ) writes: on Monday August 21, 2006 @09:36AM (#15948029)

What about baseless clams? Won't someone think of the poor clams living out in the wild with no base to call home?

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Re:Smart is one thing... (Score:2, Funny)

by thePowerOfGrayskull ( 905905 ) writes: <marc...paradise@@@gmail...com> on Monday August 21, 2006 @09:39AM (#15948043) Homepage Journal

doo...doo...doo... Hey! Where did that cool plastic castle come from?

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Re:Smart is one thing... (Score:5, Funny)

by bcattwoo ( 737354 ) writes: on Monday August 21, 2006 @09:50AM (#15948111)

You seem to be awfully sure about what your fish are thinking.
And easily persuaded, too. Badgered by some fish? My dog would make this guy his bitch and have him outside throwing the frisbee all day long.

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Re:Smart is one thing... (Score:4, Funny)

by Sigl ( 691196 ) writes: on Monday August 21, 2006 @10:15AM (#15948277)

Hey what's this...a glass wall?...I'm trapped!...AAHHHH!!...Hey what's this...a glass wall?...I'm trapped!...AAHHHH!!...Hey what's this...a glass wall?...I'm trapped!...AAHHHH!!...

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Re:Smart is one thing... (Score:1, Funny)

by everett ( 154868 ) writes: <efeldt&efeldt,com> on Monday August 21, 2006 @10:30AM (#15948395) Homepage

doo....doo....doo.... Hey! Where did that cool plastic castle come from?

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Re:Smart is one thing... (Score:5, Funny)

by jack1323 ( 301059 ) writes: on Monday August 21, 2006 @10:41AM (#15948460)

Well, back in the day, movies used to be reel.

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Re:Smart is one thing... (Score:4, Funny)

by tverbeek ( 457094 ) writes: on Monday August 21, 2006 @11:13AM (#15948725) Homepage

Congratulations: your hippocampus is intact; I probably told the same story the last time a discussion of memory and learning came up here.

You're surprised by a dupe on Slashdot? :)

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Re:Smart is one thing... (Score:5, Funny)

by Lactoso ( 853587 ) writes: on Monday August 21, 2006 @11:22AM (#15948804) Homepage

HA!! You've got to love the mod on the parent! Clearly shows that 4 times = funny. 5 times = too much.
What were we talking about again?

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Re:Smart is one thing... (Score:4, Funny)

by thePowerOfGrayskull ( 905905 ) writes: <marc...paradise@@@gmail...com> on Monday August 21, 2006 @11:43AM (#15948977) Homepage Journal

It seems that 3 times was funny, four times was 50% funny, and five times is redundant.

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Re:Smart is one thing... (Score:3, Funny)

by thePowerOfGrayskull ( 905905 ) writes: <marc...paradise@@@gmail...com> on Monday August 21, 2006 @11:45AM (#15948997) Homepage Journal

Come to think of it, it's the very redundancy that makes it funny -- in fact, it gets funnier with every repetition! Get a clue, mods!

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Re:Smart is one thing... (Score:5, Funny)

by adolfojp ( 730818 ) writes: on Monday August 21, 2006 @01:15PM (#15949604)

doo...doo...doo... Hey! Where did that cool plastic castle come from?

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Never forget to swim forwards (Score:3, Funny)

by jd ( 1658 ) writes: <imipak@yahoGINSBERGo.com minus poet> on Monday August 21, 2006 @02:06PM (#15949975) Homepage Journal

?morf emoc eltsac cisalp looc taht did erehW !yeH ...ood ...ood ...ood

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Re:Smart is one thing... (Score:3, Funny)

by Chacham ( 981 ) * writes: on Tuesday August 22, 2006 @12:30PM (#15956256) Homepage Journal

I'm reeling from that fishy one liner.

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There may be more comments in this discussion. Without JavaScript enabled, you might want to turn on Classic Discussion System in your preferences instead.

Smart is one thing... (Score:5, Funny)

But who will rise up... (Score:5, Funny)

Re:Smart is one thing... (Score:5, Funny)

Goldfish smarter? (Score:5, Funny)

The only thing smarter than a goldfish (Score:5, Funny)

Re:Goldfish smarter? (Score:2, Funny)

Smarter or more suicidal? (Score:5, Funny)

Douglas Adams will need to change the title to (Score:5, Funny)

Evolution says otherwise (Score:4, Funny)

Re:Smart is one thing... (Score:5, Funny)

Somebody has to say it (Score:4, Funny)

Goldfish Anomolies (Score:5, Funny)

Fish are so passe... (Score:5, Funny)

Re:Bugs and rats smarter than people???? (Score:5, Funny)

Dolphin != smart (Score:1, Funny)

Re:Think I prefer dolphins (Score:4, Funny)

in that case (Score:2, Funny)

neurons in the navy ? (Score:1, Funny)

Navy Finding Nemo (Score:2, Funny)

Re:Smart is one thing... (Score:5, Funny)

Re:Smart is one thing... (Score:5, Funny)

Another successful disinformation campaign .. (Score:4, Funny)

Obligatory (Score:2, Funny)

What's your point? (Score:5, Funny)

Re:Smart is one thing... (Score:2, Funny)

Re:Smart is one thing... (Score:3, Funny)

Dolphins still TASTE better than Goldfish (Score:3, Funny)

Re:Is it only me... (Score:1, Funny)

Re:U.S. Navy: Dolphins are Damned Smart (Score:2, Funny)

Obligatory Simpsons quotation (Score:4, Funny)

Re:The only thing smarter than a goldfish (Score:5, Funny)

Re:Smart is one thing... (Score:3, Funny)

Re:Smart is one thing... (Score:2, Funny)

Re:Smart is one thing... (Score:5, Funny)

Re:Smart is one thing... (Score:4, Funny)

Re:Smart is one thing... (Score:1, Funny)

Re:Smart is one thing... (Score:5, Funny)

Re:Smart is one thing... (Score:4, Funny)

Re:Smart is one thing... (Score:5, Funny)

Re:Smart is one thing... (Score:4, Funny)

Re:Smart is one thing... (Score:3, Funny)

Re:Smart is one thing... (Score:5, Funny)

Never forget to swim forwards (Score:3, Funny)

Re:Smart is one thing... (Score:3, Funny)

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