Homeland Security says 'Patch Windows Now'

gregger writes "Wow, so the Department of Homeland Security is really concerned with Microsoft patches now... enough to come out and tell us to patch our machines. This warning, chronicled in eWeek, was issued less than a day after the release of 23 patches from Redmond. So, if you don't apply the patches, then what?"

obligatory

[Anonymous Coward]

Microsoft:

Patches??? You don't need no stinkin patches!

Then What?

[MinutiaeMan]

"If you don't patch Windows, the terrorists win!"

OMG

[broussem]

Then your computer will blow up and we'll all die

Re:Two Reactions

[TheSpoom]

It's my commerce, education, and ... uh ... love life.

This is Slashdot, that last bit was assumed.

Hmm..

[TheOldSchooler]

"So, if you don't apply the patches, then what?"

They buy you a brand new Intel Mac! Courtesy of U.S. taxpayers.

Re:Two Reactions

[ToasterofDOOM]

That is the most level-headed thing I've EVER heard on this site, and that says very little. This just goes to show that the goal of this government is not to oppress you or take away all of your freedoms, they do genuinely care for this country and its people, even if their methods are flawed.

Ahh I can see it now...

[Nicaboker]

You wake to a pounding on your door. At your door are two men dressed in suits. you "Umm can I help you." Suits " You're under arrest." you "On what charge?" Suits "For not patching your windows computer." You "patch my what?? I use Linux!" Suits with a baffled look "Lin-what? Are you threatening us?" Suddenly more suits surround you and begin beating you while you hear "King Bill" laughing in the background.

Download link for patches

[DoofusOfDeath]

http://www.ubuntu.com/download [ubuntu.com] :)

I now practice secure computer usage.

[krell]

Considering this morning's prohibitions on taking liquids onboard (after a terrorist plot was uncovered), I'm resisting temptation so far to place my bottle of 'Dew in my computer's cup holder [atruereview.com].

Hey!

[no-body]

I am trying, but it crashes!

Dig out the Duct Tape

[hanshotfirst]

They were confused. They don't really mean MICROSOFT Windows - this is the same old patch your HOUSE windows - cellophane and duct-tape. There's a red-level threat in the UK today, therefore nobody can carry-on water on airplanes in the US. Clearly water can kill you, so they are making sure none of that nasty humidity in the summer air can get into our homes. Thank goodness for the protective vigilance of our gubmint!

So, if you don't apply the patches, then what?"

[Patrik_AKA_RedX]

Easy: the only website you get to access would be the one from guatanamo bay.

NSA patch

[Anonymous Coward]

So, if you don't apply the patches, then what?"

They won't be able to monitor you as well.

hmm, what's with the black helicoptor outside. Woah, look at the scope on that guys rif

then...

[r00t]

You're not with us. That means you're against us.

GET HIM!!!!!

Re:OMG

[supremebob]

Oh, you must own a Dell laptop then :)

Re:NSA patch

[troon]

hmm, what's with the black helicoptor outside. Woah, look at the scope on that guys rif

Another strike from the Grammar and Spelling Department (Apostrophe Patrol).

Re:Then What?

[Ninjy]

Pf, just wait until we respawn in the second round.

Cracking down on piracy

[192939495969798999]

They probably just want you to install WGA, which is required for new Windows patches... they probably saw my new motivational poster [flickr.com].

I would.....

[VeeCee]

but it appears my copy of Windows is not genuine.

68%

[Gary W. Longsine]

I agree 67.314159% with everything the OP said!

US Threat Level

[NullProg]

The U.S. government raised the security alert on passenger planes to its highest level for the first time on Thursday after Britain said it had foiled a plot to blow up flights to the United States.

The government also raised the security alert level for Windows users from Purple to Pink after Microsoft announced it had foiled a plot to make Windows more secure.

Or

[Ruff_ilb]

>_>

That's what they WANT you to think

_ /tinfoilhat on

Re:My dual boot lappy

[Anonymous Coward]

Actually, the fact that you said "nubie" makes you look like a newbie. Unless you're from Nubia, of course.

Re:They learned the communicty an important lesson

[zaphod_es]

nor any viruses

Re:Two Reactions

[vwjeff]

So, if you don't apply the patches, then what?

The terrorists win.

Simple logic.

Re:Two Reactions

[budgenator]

We used to just walk around with a clipboard in the Army, maybe do some scribbling and pointing once in a while for emphysis. Get at least three other people to follow you, and people would cross the street to avoid you!

You unpatriotic communist raghead whiner!

[EmbeddedJanitor]

Windows Visa will automatically send the details of people that don't update to the 'no fly' list.