The NYT Imagines Life After Earth

An anonymous reader writes to mention a New York Times article entitled Life After Earth. The article looks at 'bio-vaults,' be they in the frozen north or on the moon, which might allow the human race to continue on after a globally catastrophic event. From the article: "The trouble with doomsday, Dr. Shapiro argues, is that it is almost always rendered in popular culture as grandiose, though in reality, many minor incidents present substantial everyday threats. In 1918, an influenza strain killed some 30 million people; a possible new bird flu strain spurs contemporary panic. In January 2003, a computer virus shut down airlines, banks and governments. That same year, a tree fell on power lines outside Cleveland, resulting in a blackout for much of the Northeast. Doomsday can be understated."

This is what I like to see!

[ExE122]

This article is so utterly ridiculous... End of the world? Martian colinization? Self preservation?

"By God! Yes!"

I am rolling on the ground laughing and eagerly anticipating of what is sure to come. Slashdotters, this article is for you!

Please include any of the following:

• George Bush jokes
• Edwin "Buzz The Boxer" Aldrin jokes
• Futurama references
• Dr. Strangelove references
• 12 Monkeys references
• Something about Bill Gates (just because)

Please avoid the following:

• Comparisons to an episode of Star Trek
• R.E.M. lyrics
• Belligerant nationalism
• Belligerant racism
• Religious rants
• "First post"

--
"A man is asked if he is wise or not. He replies that he is otherwise" ~Mao Zedong

Instead, I imagine....

[krell]

Earth imagines life after "The New York Times" and its annoying pointless login.

Of course not!

[Apocalypse111]

"Doomsday can be understated."
Of course not! He killed Superman!

Re:This is what I like to see!

[Anonymous Coward]

Please include any of the following:

* George Bush jokes * Edwin "Buzz The Boxer" Aldrin jokes * Futurama references * Dr. Strangelove references * 12 Monkeys references * Something about Bill Gates (just because)

Please avoid the following:

* Comparisons to an episode of Star Trek * R.E.M. lyrics * Belligerant nationalism * Belligerant racism * Religious rants * "First post"

Good news everyone! We've gotta catapult our precious bodily fluids to the moon. And on behalf of my boss, we're gonna fucking kill anyone who says the moon landings were faked because WE DID IT!

Six out of six, and zero out of six, respectively. Done and done.

Life after earth will be much like before...

[Anonymous Coward]

...except the T-Shirts will be much wittier:

"I'd be with stupid, but he was drowned in the global catastrophe of 2020."

"My parents visited the cities of the great plague, but all I got was this shitty fatal infection."

Obligatory Dr. Strangelove Quote

[lord_mike]

General "Buck" Turgidson: Doctor, you mentioned the ratio of ten women to each man. Now, wouldn't that necessitate the abandonment of the so-called monogamous sexual relationship, I mean, as far as men were concerned?

Dr. Strangelove: Regrettably, yes. But it is, you know, a sacrifice required for the future of the human race. I hasten to add that since each man will be required to do prodigious... service along these lines, the women will have to be selected for their sexual characteristics which will have to be of a highly stimulating nature.

Ambassador de Sadesky: I must confess, you have an astonishingly good idea there, Doctor.

Re:My favorite part...

[Timesprout]

I think they are depending on the human/cheese hybrids from the moon finding their way back to earth in Camembert powered spaceships.

Smells like a reasonable plan to me.

Re:My take on Doomsday from a market perspective

[EL_mal0]

Just goes to show that there's no tool made by man that can't be used for both good and evil.

Ahhhh, but what about Dr. Frink's death ray?

I for one

[andrewman327]

I, for one, welcome our tin foil hat wearing, bubble city dwelling /. subscribing overlords!

Re:a globally catastrophic event

[trongey]

globally catastrophic event? like george bush getting elected?

1st time George Bush was elected wasn't too bad.
2nd time George Bush was elected was relatively harmless.
It's this third time around where things have really gone in the crapper.
I sure hope they don't come up with a GB for the next election.

Re:My take on Doomsday from a market perspective

[monoqlith]

In the end it worked out quite well actually. Once Arnold killed off his adversaries and pressed the button that thawed out the huge frozen oxygen supply, Mars instantly grew a breathable atmosphere(apparently displacing all that toxic gas and without any lethal thermal ramifications) and people were able to walk the terrain freely, without the really annoying effect of toxic asphyxiation(which apparently looks like animatronic eyes bulging out of your head in a comically overdone fashion). It worked even better for Arnold himself: five minutes after creating the Martian atmosphere, he was able to make out with his love interest on top of a Martian mountain, without having to "come up for air." as they say. So once all threats were out of the way, the bubble had provided a perfect intermediary living solution before we instantly terraformed Mars!

It's prophetic. Face it.

I've got my Survival Guide

[MatrixCubed]

Do you have yours? [gamespy.com]

Re:My take on Doomsday from a market perspective

[thewiltog]

I don't know if it's possible to be a history nazi, but here goes... If it was 1361, it would be Edward III

Re:Unsustainable Societies

[Johnboi Waltune]

"Also consider the "little things" that aren't so little when they regard you personally. Take breast implants. They require periodic checkups to make sure everything is going just right (ie. you're not about to be killed or made deathly ill byt them)."

This is Slashdot. All the breasts here are created through natural processes, fueled by Cheetos and Mountain Dew.

Re:My take on Doomsday from a market perspective

[Hortensia Patel]

I don't know if it's possible to be a history nazi, but here goes... If it was 1361, it would be Edward III

Egads, you're right. Upon investigation [epa.gov] it appears that Edward I was indeed the correct Edward, but that the date in question should have been 1272. I shall amend the offending article [wikipedia.org] forthwith.

--
The price of Wikipedia is eternal vigilance

Most. Apposite. Sig. Ever.