UK Street Crime Rise Blamed on iPods

CNET reports that the British Government today attributed the country's 22% rise in street crime to iPod robberies. This has hit CNET close to home. Guy Cocker, a CNET (Gamespot) journalist based in London, was mugged last week. The muggers held 'a semi-automatic weapon to the back of Cocker's head and told him, "we're taking all your stuff"'. CNET's solution to the problem is suggestions on how to conceal your iPod from attackers. These include 'The gaffer tape method,' 'The Coke can method,' and 'The Christopher Walken method.'

the "Christopher Walken" method?

[Paperghost]

I was hoping it'd show you how to dance like a maniac then fly off into the sky :(

I have a solution

[Bin Naden]

Just don't wear those white earbuds and I probably ... I mean, they probably won't notice that you have iPods.

Re:Oh I see

[Anonymous Coward]

> So it's our jobs' fault for giving us money that can be stolen?

No, no! I't Jobs's, Steve Job's, fault for giving us iPods.

Re:22%??

[BasilBrush]

They must have stolen his calculator too.

The one place...

[countach]

"he hid it in the one place he knew he could hide somethin'"

I give up. Where??

Ipod ppffft

[Soupy69]

See in Scotland we dont have Ipods yet, but ukele and banjo crime has gone through the roof

Summary of recomendations

[DigitAl56K]

Here are some of the recomendations from TFA:

1. Don't wear earbuds, headphones, or use any attachment that might make sound incase a mugger in close proximity detects it
2. Avoid dressing in black and dancing like a zombie in public [youtube.com]
3. Be prepared to one-up your semi-automatic carrying attacker [youtube.com] at all times
4. Wear not one, but an array of bullet proof iPods [businessweek.com] to form a bullet proof iPod vest
5. Ensure that, for your own safety, your government is monitoring your phone calls. In a post-911 world we must all take additional steps to ensure the iTerrorist threat is neutralized

If, after following all of the above guidelines, your iPod should happen to be stolen, contact the RIAA as quickly as possible and inform them of all the illegal music you have stored on it, then wait for them to subpeona your assailiant and recover your costs in an out of court settlement.

In France .....

[Anonymous Coward]

In France they just passed some legislation that would force criminals to target non-iPod music players at a rate that is the same as iPod's themselves. They will also force Apple to make open their "design standards and guidelines" to allow other manufacturers to create music players that are just as desireable to theives as iPod's are.

Re:Oh I see

[carpe_noctem]

If only these poor, confused youths knew that you can just get iPods for free, we wouldn't be in this situation!

Re:a light touch with the clue stick

[russ1337]

having just overthrown our king about a decade earlier,

Sounds like the work of terrorists....

Re:22%??

[tgd]

Probably a metric conversion error. 7,457 metric crimes committed... thats 22,000 foot crimes.

Re:The one place...

[Anonymous Coward]

The back of a Volkwagen.

Cut from the movie

[Ohreally_factor]

I just wish the iPod Nano had come out before your dad was captured.

Re:a light touch with the clue stick

[Fred_A]

I don't know about you but I'm all for the right of people to bear quarterstaffs.

Re:the "Christopher Walken" method?

[GogglesPisano]

At first I thought it meant that you should conceal your iPod within a Cowbell [wikipedia.org].

"Guess what? I got a fever. And the only prescription...is more cowbell!"

Re:Magnets??

[The Dobber]

And you wonder why people have laughed at you for demonstrating your ability to crush beer cans?

Re:a Londoner writes ...

[Lehk228]

i agree on not chasing muggers, it's difficult to aim while running.

Re:Thank god in a country

[Anonymous Coward]

As a guess, DRM survives but looses his plasma TV, while Pete looses his plasma TV and is killed in the following shoot-out, since the robbers use AK-47s. Three other bystanders are also killed by stray bullets and shotgun blasts, and one child is killed by the police who turn up later and shoot at anything that moves.

Alternatively, both DRM and Pete move to England, where they both make it obvious they have a lot of expensive stuff in their houses, and as a result are not invited to join the local golf club.

And people only say a curt "Good Morning" to them when they meet them in the street.

After 6 months of this DRM goes off to borrow Pete's shotgun, and they both do the decent thing.

Re:Thank god in a contry

[Anonymous Coward]

Hell, armed with sticks the civvies would still slaughter the government forces.

So why all the guns?